11 Polish Movie Posters (That’s So Weird)

September 28, 2010 § Leave a comment

I may be an Australian but I pretty much have a Polish background. More than just that, Australia is now more multi-cultural than just a land of “Shrimp on the Barbies” (BTW, I hate seafood so I prefer my own taste). You see, Poland could also be multi-cultural despite me never been there. So if I ever go there, I might look up the first home of Roman Polanski to see how fucked up it is. Not Only that, I would have some Polish Vodka that Bruce Willis took a shot and buy most of the posters I’m gonna list here.

Bruce Willis – Honorary Polish Citizen, Muthafucker!

These lists of these posters are often misleading, misspelling at times and completely fucked up (save one of them that’s in the list) and I’m surprised they are still doing that. Heck, There are posters like these outside Poland as well but I do know that there’s a website where you can get these posters at an expensive american price (kinda like Star Wars posters) so I might go to Poland and probably get it cheap but what are the chances anyway (uh, I’m a fear of flying) so let me start the list in alphabetical order anyway…

Blue Thunder: Whoa, Look at this cover. If anybody wanna see what a helicopter with a bloody eagle’s beak looks like? Here you go. I hardly remember seeing this movie but I do know the fact that Malcolm McDowell is in this (but “McDowel” is either a misspelling or a polish language version of that?).

Boogie Nights: Aah, Boogie Nights. A movie about the rise and fall of the notorious pornographic superstar. As for the poster, I don’t remember Dirk Diggler spotting that hairdo while getting banged with a blonde female in that position (and in front of everybody including a woman eating an banana-like fruit). So if everybody wanna see a movie that stars Luis Guzman, Burt Reynolds, Julianne Moore and… Wait, Since when does Luis Guzman gets that kind of top billing! And why Mark Wahlberg isn’t mentioned in the poster?

Jaws 2: Why does this poster make the civilians of Poland think the shark’s a freaking mutant with two mouths. I don’t know but at least I ain’t complaining about another misspelling here.

Mona Lisa: Hmm, I never heard of an porno movie called Mona Lisa and wait – Bob Hoskins and Michael Caine is in this and they’re getting a possible three-way with this Mona Lisa character. Okay, I kid about the porn-like poster but at least it’s nothing like that french movie poster of Bad Lieutenant (look it up if you dare).

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: I seem to wonder what’s good? A movie where Jack Nicholson is in the mental institution or a movie poster suggesting there’s a character with that kind of look featured in this? I prefer the first one since I don’t wanna how the polish audience became more confused.

Pulp Fiction: The movie looks okay – but with one problem. Look at this poster. Oh yes, Some polish movie poster artist has made Jules Winnfield an blackface character (and that’s just racist). I just have to wonder if Quentin Tarantino himself owned the poster since he’s a total movie buff (he even owns an 33mm print of “Manos” The Hands of Fate and met his idol Brian Trenchard-Smith).

Rain Man: Oh, I can’t wait to see a movie where Rain Man is a superhero who has the obsession with these numbers? Wait, What do you mean the logo is ripped off from Tim Burton’s Batman and what do you mean the fact that Dustin Hoffman’s character is mentally handicapped? I refuse to believe that Rain Man isn’t a superhero movie.

Return Of The Jedi: I liked this poster but felt mislead when C-3PO is in front of these three major characters. Seriously, What has he done in this movie and don’t tell me he’s involved with the Ewoks resisting against the Stormtroopers because that’s just stupid.

The Golden Child: What do I think of this Eddie Murphy movie by looking at this poster? I can see that he plays an skrull-like devil and it sets within New York. As for the bird in the poster, it must be some sort of symbolism.

The Women Loves Balds: I’m pretty confused that there’s a movie called “The Woman Loves Balds” and the poster suggests that Marilyn Monroe and Marlene Dietrich is having a lesbian relationship. Then again, I’m more confused that it’s been called “Picture of the Century” since I never heard about this movie (nor having seen any Marilyn Monroe & Marlene Dietrich movies).

Yellow Submarine: I can see Ringo, John, Paul, George and their Sgt Pepper counterparts flying to the air with the Yellow Submarine holding the big blue hand and bombing Pepperland in this war masterpiece. Actually, That didn’t happened so fuck whoever made this poster because it looks stupid.

So there you go, The weirdest Polish movie posters in existence. If you wanna check more, The website is http://www.polishposters.com where you can order it. So if you excuse me while I’m gonna give one more screencaption (and this movie poster is made in Japan rather than Poland)…

Army Of Darkness: According To Japan, Bruce Campbell has literally sold out to Campbell’s Soup.


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