Asylum Seeker: Sherlock Holmes

October 9, 2010 § Leave a comment

For what I can say by now, The Asylum is famous (or infamous) for three simple things – Mockbuster Movies, Apocalyptic Movies and Movies that includes Public Domain material. And if you think about it, There’s a chance that The Asylum might remake any movie you can legally download in The Internet Archive and what’s worst than that is they will remake George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead despite it being remade… more than once.

So pushing aside the movie that gave the term “Zombie Apocalypse” and I’m gonna take on both a Mockbuster movie and a movie that features Public Domain insanity and what can indeed be the total mash-up genius is none other than Sherlock Holmes himself. And hey, It should be considered a perfect double feature with the other movie that Guy Ritchie had envisioned. Why? Because this is Sherlock Holmes that has a Tyrannosaurus Rex involved. Shit, You can pretty much make your own Sherlock Holmes movie and add Star Trek characters and it still be that awesome.

So the movie begins in London during the blitz of the 1940s as Dr. John Watson recounts his untold adventure of him and his partner Sherlock Holmes. Flashing back to the late 1800s and Sherlock Holmes (Ben Syder) and Dr. John Watson (Gareth David-Lloyd) are investigating the cause of a sinking ship and so on. Since the start of this movie, I do like how well they acted and it is safe to say that Ben Syder does have a promising future in his starting movie career since this is actually his first role ever played. Oh, And he somehow talks too much but I’m more entertained instead of being annoyed.

Meanwhile, London suddenly have its panic mode when one of the innocent civilians John Poole (Chris Coxon) gets eaten by a freakin’ Tyrannosaurus Rex while trying to lose his cherry with a hooker. The following day begins and the Sherlock/Watson team discovered the big footprint (which is actually not that big) which results them running away from the T-Rex who… hops from the nearest bushes. Yeah, It is that funny.

Never have there been a Tyrannosaurus Rex that hopped like that.

So after they survived and back to more investigating, They had an encounter with a prime suspect who later got bitten by the T-Rex and got thrown out of the window… while the corpse is burned! So Sherlock discovered the clue located on the corpse and travels to their nearest countryside town. There, They ended up on a mansion which reveals the Tyrannosaurus Rex to be an modeled as an robotic puppet… and Iron Man!

Actually, The Iron Avenger himself is revealed to be “Steel-Heeled Jack” (based on a english folklore) or the secret identity that is Sherlock’s antagonistic brother Thorpe Holmes (Dominic Keating). Thorpe then explains how he lead to become the big bad and plans to burn the streets of London. Then, We have Sherlock being shot by Thorpe’s robotic henchwoman Anesidora Ivory (Elizabeth Arends) and his brother activated his robotic dragon (which might explain that prime suspect being a burning corpse… I think!) while Watson is tortured in the same kind of equipment that the Jigsaw Killer would be inspired in some antiques museum. Surprisingly, Sherlock survives his fatal shot and the heterosexual life partners split to stop both Thorpe and Anesidora.

Sherlock decide to stop his brother by using a hot-air balloon that can be speeded by helicopter propellers (!) and is armed with a couple of machine guns (!!) while Watson has to chase down and stop Anesidora from blowing herself up in the Buckingham Palace. So following the burning towns in London, The villains have been defeated and the heroes celebrated their victory. The story draws close when the flashback is done and John Watson dies in his sleep. After hearing the story, The Nurse then mourns him in his gravestone which is located near the gravestone of Thorpe Holmes… which is mourned by the immortal Anesidora herself!


Now the movie ended and what’s the final verdict to this Mockbuster? It’s surprisingly good in my opinion and the movie falls to the “so-bad-it’s-good” territory. Despite not having seen Guy Ritchie’s recent success at this time of writing, I’m not sure if that one is better than what I had seen. The acting is well done, The story is well-developed and The CGI is okay since it’s still the same Asylum standards but I enjoy every minute of it. And since Guy Ritchie will make a sequel in the near future, I just hope that the Asylum studio will do the same and throw anything inaccurate in there… even The Beatles will be okay to be added here.


The Bibleman Show: The Big, Big Book

October 8, 2010 § Leave a comment

Warning: To those that people that’s a devout Christian in his/her own right, This review might have jokes that is only suitable for comical purposes but I do not include course languages unlike other reviews. Maybe it’s because I might a slim change not to be stranded in Dante’s Inferno and I do mean a very slim chance.

Seeing as we live in a comic book culture that’s ruled by DC and Marvel, There are superheroes that us fans have either liked it for the storytelling or hate it for something else. So other than the ones published in printing form, We also have heroes that was made for both the television and theatrical medium like The Greatest American Hero, Darkman and Pumaman. We get a lot of good ones and also bad ones like Metal Man. In case you’re wondering, I’m still not over seeing that hideous movie.

Has the makers of this movie got a lawsuit by Marvel yet? I still haven’t got the feedback from Joe Quesada.

And seeing as I’m pretty much a total Comic book geek, I thought I seen enough. But not long after I got The Return of Captain Invincible, I just saw something else that I didn’t know existed. First off, I remember back when there’s a series of parodies on MadTV about a superhero who teaches some children about the dangers of sins while killing the ones that committed it and thought of that as an original joke. Now, I think of those “Bibledude” skits as parodies because I discover the heavenly popularity that is… Bibleman.

So after some checking on anything about Bibleman, I began looking through episodes and discovered the first episode on YouTube. This is one of the two episodes that’s now “no longer available” (according to Wikipedia) but since one just popped up there, I can safely say it’s available to the public. It’s a shame that I didn’t see other episodes yet (they’re pretty much hard-to-find) so in the meantime, I’ll start the review anyway. We begin with the opening credits with the catchiest theme song since Degrassi Junior High and then segued to the children singing “The Good Book” with a Bibleman cardboard stand-in to sum up what he looks like.

Hey Kids, Remember that urban legend from “Three Man and a Baby” about a ghost which turns out to be a cardboard stand-in of Ted Danson? Well, Look behind you and tell me that’s Bibleman or not.

So after seeing a song that could an outtake music track from Mr. T’s Be Somebody (or some educational kid’s show that I missed out on my childhood), Those kids then have second thoughts about the song being “interesting” which means it’s not good. I do have to disagree since the song is already perfect enough to enter the Christian Pop Charts so if any of you are thinking of either auto-tune the song or get Phil Spector to do the overdubbing, I will have to pass on that including Phil Spector who’s now hanging with some butch in the slammer. By the way, Where in heaven is the title character of the show?

While some say it’s “interesting”, One of them actually said that it’s “doggone interesting” and probably didn’t know that Dog is backwards for God (and who ever says “doggone” anymore?).

They considered about cancelling the show and wanted Bibleman to be here. Then, Some guy known as Miles Peterson (Willie Aames) came in and fell over because he’s the clumsiest bloke here. But he doesn’t stay there for long as he exited the stage and secretly heard anything the kids have said. He then prays to the lord and becomes Bibleman. Okay, I don’t know what to expect from the fact that clumsy guy is actually the superhero here.

They then do another rehearsal (and that one is considered “interesting”) before Bibleman appears and Wesley (Ross Thierry) says that’s “doggone interesting” (he said it twice in one episode). The hero then tries to help the kids about overcoming the stage fright and so on. He then tells them about the story which we can then see in the flashback. Alright, Bibleman is fighting something with some rocking instrumental music so this show is now becoming interesting already (and I don’t mean it like that).

Bibleman is here to kick some… thing behind some person’s back that is based on an Donkey’s nickname. Yeah, This is one joke that just gone flatline since the start of it (and this is the best image I could use).

But the battle is short-lived since he is then captured and put into a bluescreen cage by… Dr. Insano! Actually, The antagonist is Dr. Decepto (Ron Schott) but despite the green-colored face, he looks almost dead-on as the perfect inspiration to The SpoonyOne‘s alter ego (he even laughs like a mad scientist). So while being trapped, He prays to god and the story ends with Dr. Decepto being caged and defeated by the hero himself… without some fighting sequence and all.

Notice the connection?

The flashback ended and the Kids are then confused about why the story is connected to the Kids having problem with the show. Bibleman then explains that they have to do the hardest while God takes care of everything else. So after Bibleman left the building, We then cut to the second music sequence and I kinda dislike it unlike the first one. But then, Some gray-haired guy walks to the stage and explained that he heard the music from his house (!) before he placed his hand in some kid’s shoulder. Uh… Okay.

Bibleman, Where In God’s Name Are You?

The gray-haired guy then exits the stage and becomes a bodyguard in front of the children audience. Suddenly, This show is a bit weird. The kids were let in and we get the two following song sequences here:

The Book Of Books – An classroom-set song that explains that the Bible is better than anything else since they mentioned that Comic books will make us smile, the Telephone book will make us dial and so on.

I Go To The Bible – An 1950s diner tune with an Fonzie-like kid singing about the Bible with an uncredited Elvis soundalike doing the backup vocals during the chorus.

So after those two songs, Bibleman reappeared enough to make a kid wearing a weird sunglasses saying “cool”.

Let’s call this “The Secret Origin of The ’90s Kid”.

Bibleman then begins his own song sequence and uh… I’m not sure about this song since it felt a little plagiarist. It’s like I heard a similar tune somewhere before but I can’t quite figure out so I’m betting that Bibleman and God is ignoring the “Thou Shalt Not Steal” rule in this episode. After the song, Bibleman then explains to the audience about why the Bible is awesome while he’s channelling the acting of William Shatner.

And we back to more songs in this show and I don’t mean to be offensive when I say the song made me feel asleep so I’m skipping this part. Following that, Bibleman returns yet again with more explanation about the Bible before we briefly cut another song which has the lyrics being catchy while Wesley himself fell down during the song before getting up and continued singing.

The show is over and Bibleman returns to his clumsy self which involves him falling over (while breaking the fourth wall) before this episode ends with a message about more words about reading the bible and on with the credits. So what do I have to say about the first episode of The Bibleman Show? I do say it’s an interesting find and despite its Mid-1990s VHS standards, It is pretty harmless. Sure enough that the acting isn’t well-delivered and the special effects is very low-budget but it is harmless enough to add an Rifftrax commentary for some. And I just hope that there’s more of that coming our way.

Oh, and the link to view this Bibleman episode is within this YouTube page .

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