Asylum Seeker: Death Racers
December 5, 2010 § 3 Comments
Back in the Seventies, There was a time when Punks plan to kill off the Disco Craze, Jack Kirby gave birth to the Fourth World and Robert DeNiro knows who he’s talking to. That decade also gave new take on Exploitation when it was the king on the big screen. Notable of all is when Roger Corman became involved with a cult classic that is Death Race 2000 where David Carradine dukes out with Sylvester Stallone in his early roles. If anything, This could be a perfect example of how Roger got his lifetime achievement at the Oscars.
Flashing forward to last decade and The movie got a gritty facelift with Jason Statham taking the front seat. Like its predecessor,It sets in the near future and it’s filled with awesomeness. Prior to release, I was about to witness a “workprint” copy of the movie but instead what I saw was the only 10 seconds of the first Asylum movie that I ever witnessed. And damn, I haven’t seen that movie until recently.
So now I’m about to review this heinous movie from start to finish, This movie also sets in the near future and we meet the antagonist known as “The Reaper” (WWE’s Scott “Raven” Levy) whom is planning to fill the town’s water with sarin and his work is secretly filmed by “FX” (Dustin Fitzsimons) whom is discovered by The Reaper and escaped from the Reaper’s henchman known as… The Mohawk Terminator! Actually, It’s known as “Metal Machine Man” (Damien Puckler) but after seeing Metal Man and knowing that Lou Reed had released his album called Metal Machine Music, I’m gonna say that the name sucks and I prefer to use the Mohawk Terminator.
Somewhere in town not announced, We meet Governor Reagan Black (Robert Pike Daniel) who might be a possible member of the Bush family tree by the way he acts. He mentioned that the only way to stop the Reaper is to start-up the game known as… Death Race! We then cut to the television show with the same name which is hosted by Harvey Winker (Stephen Blackhart) and Jennifer Ramirez (Caroline Attwood) whom then introduces the four outlaw racing teams to stop the Reaper:
- The Severed Head Gang – Led by Danny Satanico (Koco Limbievski) and Fred The Hammer (Jason Ellefson) and went to prison for beheaded their rivals. Note that Danny’s the first one of go when his head got exploded in Scanners mode prior to the game.
- Homeland Security – Led by Colonel Bob (Paolo Carasco) and Captain Rudy Jackson (Rick Benedetto) who went to prison for being disgraced from the US Army.
- Vaginamyte – Led by Queen B (Thereese) and Double-Dee Destruction (Jennifer Elizabeth Keith). They’re the Femme Fatales of the group who got sent to prison for being serial killers.
- The Insane Clown Posse – Led by… Well, The Insane Clown Posse themselves. Yeah, This mockbuster is specially made for them since they went to prison for their Rap numbers that caused murder and mayhem plus they were known as “The Charles Manson of their time” even though Charles Manson himself was alive and in prison… on their time. In fact, Look at this way…
How did The Insane Clown Posse achieved the same look they have when they looked at… today. Did they archive immortality, being cloned or being completely idiots like they were since their rap career began? I don’t know but I tell you this in the form of a video…
For a game show the promotes violence and carnage, The FCC might have not bothered with Harvey’s comments that he wants the blowjob… Live on television. Not since the Janet Jackson incident has made your kids hear about this. And last and not least, Fred The Hammer mentioned to his competitor mates that he wants to get a headjob… from a severed head!
So the race begins with the racers killing the nearby civilians and I do like watching the carnage if it wasn’t for one problem – The endless montage of any ICP songs playing over the scenes. And during the race, The Homeland Security team got fried meaning there’s only five racers left in the game. Following the death, The ICP witnessed FX and used him as hostage. The game goes on (with the ICP songs still playing) before we see Queen B stripping in front of two civilians and the ICP behind them. But that’s not before the Mohawk Terminator makes his second appearance only to get hit by an computer-generated mini-missile.
So FX is killed off and the Racers wasting their own time fixing their own wheels. After that, We see the Mohawk Terminator capturing Queen B, The ICP killing the Whores of Babylon (that’s actually mentioned in the movie) and Frank The Hammer hammering up with Queen B’s teammate Double-Dee Destruction. I can say that their sex is short-lived because Frank and DDD save Queen B from being continuously raped by the Mohawk Terminator and I’m gonna miss that stupid rapist.
Surprisingly, Fred The Hammer got hammered (and not in a sexual context) by Queen B which results him shooting her before he dies. Leaving three more left in the game, The ICP finally arrived in the Reaper’s Lair and nearly stopped the Reaper but in shocking movie twist… The Homeland Security fakes their own deaths and caused the explosion that killed the Reaper and the Posse (or so they thought?) which has the team taking Reaper’s arm and got away. With Shaggy 2 Dope surviving his time to stop the Homeland Security, Violent J is injured and tries to stop the one-armed Reaper from releasing the Sarin. However, There’s carnage involved when Shaggy 2 Dope shoots both the Homeland Security and Governor Black in the finish line before both Shaggy and Violent J’s head went to the Scanner mode which has the Sarin released and killing nearly every US civilian… with Double-Dee Destruction being the ultimate survivor.
This is the first Asylum mockbuster that I know that has it all – Language, Sex and Violence while being done poorly and with the stupidest set of acting ever offered. This is the kind of movie that should be MSTed by anybody for fun since this is hilariously bad and more enjoyable. I do hate the Insane Clown Posse and after seeing this, I didn’t change my mind. What’s more hilarious is that Violent J himself refers this movie as “the bootleg ripoff fake version of Death Race” and since there’s a direct-to-dvd prequel to Death Race in shelves by the time I’m writing this, I’m just hoping that Death Racers didn’t follow the same path unless it explains how the ICP looked that young in 2030 which is pretty absurd if you think about it.