Green Hornet

January 26, 2011 § Leave a comment

Note: Last week was not a good week for me as I went to see the movie I’m reviewing now but before that, I brought a recently released can of Pepsi Raw (well, recently released in Australia) and I’ve then felt the sickness after drinking the whole can. Something is definitely in the can that made me get flu for a few days and a little asthma attack after that. It delayed my timing to post the review before this and I went to hospital at that time. How could a can of a soft drink with natural ingredients made me sick? Well, On to the review anyway.

Prior to looking at the reviews, I have little high hope on seeing this movie and it’s because the trailer made me laugh and I’m a total comic book geek (even though Green Hornet started out in Radio Serials but moving on). And then, Roger Ebert slammed the movie hard and I’ve got the ticket. If it’s because of Seth Rogen miscast as The Green Hornet, Then I get the feeling. And anyway, It’s not like there’s gonna be a movie with Russell Brand taking the role of Dudley Moore’s iconic character…

Well, Let me just give you my take on the plot. This movie involves Britt Reid (Seth Rogen) who’s a slacker son of Reid (Tom Wilkinson) and not much future before the father died on a bee-sting… And No, Britt doesn’t avenge the death of his father just because of the Bees. As he takes over as the Editor-in-Chief of The Daily Sentinel, He does nothing much he can do before he befriends Kato (Jay Chou). They then have a night out which involves kicking ass to the thugs harassing a nameless couple. After that, Britt decides to become heroes while the city thinks they’re villains.

Meanwhile, Green Hornet and Kato has a competition as the gang boss Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz) decides to find a way to change his lifestyle as he fears he’s washed out thanks to a cameo from James Franco himself. He plans to stop The Green Hornet and Kato from more vigilante action while planning to change his style… which he is then known as Bloodnofsky! So yeah, I ain’t gonna give away anything else so that sums up my take on the plot and now what do I really think of the movie.

I could say this movie is recommended but only for 2D Viewing because the three-dimensional part is not necessary. The plot is fine but mostly predictable. Seth Rogen did okay as The Green Hornet but the best part of the acting goes to Waltz, Chou and even Franco. As for Cameron Diaz who appears as love interest Lenore, Her role is surprisingly pointless and forgettable. The action is okay despite CGI effects and The Comedy… I honestly laugh during the movie. There are jokes I can get and even a “Innerspace” dancing reference is involved.

Also, Look out for another cameo and it’s Edward Furlong who probably appears in the movie for some unknown reason. Well, He plays a drug dealer and I can see how he went from Terminator 2: Judgement Day to this. Mainly because he’s sucked in The Crow: Wicked Prayer (and why David Boreanaz didn’t play The Crow is beyond me). But it’s a good cameo so just see it as an average Popcorn flick and don’t waste your cash for the 3D part because there’s little much to do with that.

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Gamebox 1.0

January 26, 2011 § Leave a comment

Not long ago I mention that I gonna review two different Tron ripoffs and that is kinda true. Because the movie I’m gonna review is about a guy who enters a computer world and encounter versions of his friends and enemies, This is not really a Mockbuster since a) There’s not much similarities other than parts of the plot and b) It’s not really a cash-in to any similar movie. Also, This movie is gonna suck because of one thing – The protagonist here is played by… well this guy…

Yeah, I’m watching a movie called Gamebox 1.0 starring the same guy who played Sabrina’s boyfriend Harvey. Now, Sabrina The Teenage Witch is actually an okay show but seriously, Nate Richert is the protagonist in this movie!

The movie begins with Chris who suddenly dies from seizures while having dreams of bad graphics. Uh, Why is this in the movie? That part is pointless. So the real story begins with Charlie Nash (Nate Richert) who’s a Video Game Tester not coping with the death of Kate (Danielle Fishel) who got accidentally shot by corrupted police officer Ronald Hobbes (Patrick Kilpatrick). After his work, He decides to try on the mysterious game system known as Gamebox 1.0 and decides to play it.

So he decides to play the first game “Crime Spree” and it’s like Grand Theft Auto if it’s made in Full Motion Video style… and several minutes of Padding. Charlie is beating up a couple of guys before he meets Princess (Danielle Fishel, Again) before he got shot which makes him pussy out the game. While in the Real World, He experiences delusions which makes him not know the different between Reality and Fantasy.

He eventually returns to the Game which has him saving Princess (handcuffed with a case) and taken to the Restaurant. Following their pointless conversation, Charlie then notices two killers near his path and – he got killed. No, The movie is not finished as he has two lives left and exits the game… again. Dammit, Charlie Nash is probably the worst Video Game Tester and could possibly be beaten by the cast of Grandma’s Boy.

Charlie is still in Paranoid Mode which he encounters the girl’s killer Ronald (still working as a corrupted police officer) and get this, Ronald forgets about Charlie and has taken him to a secret place to offer him Drugs. Okay, Why is this movie not about him? He’s already great. And Yeah, Ronald beats the shit out of Charlie and lands him in coma… But the movie is still not over!

Somehow, Charlie returns to the Gamebox 1.0 (while in coma state!) and it’s up to him and Princess to finish the game. They then entered the “Zombie Land” game (I don’t know why) and The Zombies in this game looks more like Anti-Monitor’s Shadow Demons from Crisis On Infinite Earths. Oh, And Ronald’s counterpart known as Ao Shun is part of the game so I’m gonna root for this guy instead.

Ronald and Princess escaped from “Zombies” and Ao Shun which has them hiding out in the Cabin (which thankfully has no Evil Dead references). Charlie’s best friend Peter (Patrick Cavanaugh) also became involved in the game and with the “Zombies” near their path… They escaped. Nothing much happens before they went to the Sewer Level which leads to the “Alien Planet” game and oh shit, Peter is revealed to a game character because he cuts off Princess’s hands and taken the case. Oh, It’s on like Donkey Kong.

Charlie chases Peter who’s getting the Bonus Life but it’s too late as Charlie kills Peter… and jumps off the cliff. Again, This movie is not over because Charlie returns to chasing Peter and he went successful at this. He then gives the Bonus Life to Princess but she is dead and does the noble sacrifice by giving one of his two lives to Princess. Also, Ao Shun has gotten the case now.

The two ended up on “A Simulation of the Real World” level which Charlie has an idea to stop Ao Shun… leaving another life while hiding with a gun. Ao Shun fell for the trick and died while the two opened the case to reveal… The Gamebox 1.0 System! Actually, It’s the final exit to the game and Charlie says farewell to his girlfriend’s game counterpart. And the movie is almost over.

Moving on from the death of Kate, He meets up with his future love interest Pamela (Lauren Storm) and has a happy ending. As for Ronald Hobbes, He has gotten a package containing the Gamebox 1.0 System itself.

Thus ended the movie with no sequel involving the Cop. Now what do I think of the movie? Well, It is a bit enjoyable despite bad graphics, padding scenes and average acting and the best part in this movie is probably Patrick Kilpatrick so this is only recommended for one-time viewing. Now I’m gonna get to the actual mockbuster and yes, it is a mockbuster.

Fame: Lady Gaga #1

January 13, 2011 § Leave a comment

Ever since Madonna popped up in the Dancing scene in 1980s, There are many avid followers that are still around like Britney Spears or had their short popularity like… Holly Valance…. Yeah, I can go with that. And since the female pop singers try to push the boundaries of sexuality and anything else, It will go until something apocalyptic happened. And recently, We have the most controversial female pop singer known as Lady Gaga. Oh My Bibleman, Lady Gaga is still singing.

I hate anything about her and I want her to go into obscurity. Her music is awesome, Her videos are weird and It’s certain that she’s the antichrist or a member of the Illuminati. I can’t wait for somebody that’s influenced by… her… to hit the mainstream with something more controversial and painful. Why did she hit the Billboard charts? What changed her from black-haired singer to a total freak? And who the fuck is her agent so I could like send a collection of spam to his email or something? LADY GAGA IS EVIL!

And now, I have to take a look at her biography in the form of my longtime favorite: Comic Books. Yeah, I’m taking on a Lady Gaga comic book and it’s the first issue. How is that possible? I’m saying that because There’s Already A Second Issue. A SECOND ISSUE OF THIS? What? Is One single issue not enough to make a Lady Gaga Biography… Well, Let’s take a look at… This first issue.

Okay, The comics involves a couch potato dude complaining about the music that’s happening today and that his remote control batteries are dead. The wife called him “Lester Bangs” (and isn’t the real Lester Bangs dead?) and want him to take out the garbage but the horror of Lady Gaga appeared on MTV. Also, He mentioned David Bowie, Queen and Blondie in the same comic as… whatever! He then stays and watches his Sony Television because Fame comic is all about Product Placement. Yeah, I can see Fame: Michael Bay one-shot coming up.

He then goes to a record store and asked for a Lady Gaga album for his “niece” because “she likes that Bubblegummy Crap” as he mentioned. Also, There are customers nearby who don’t get Pink’s music video at all and thinks she’s weird. Well, I can’t wait for them to say the same for Gaga’s music videos. And then, “Lester Bangs” is annoyed by the kids and thinks they should listen to Menudo (Seriously, Menudo?) and he then walks and sees two people wearing the exact Lady Gaga t-shirt and… what the fuck is going on?

He then uses Product Placement #4 & 5 (there was a McDonalds reference on a panel above) as he uses a Dell computer to check Lady Gaga on YouTube. And the scariest thing happened as “Lester Bangs” imagines having sex with… Lady Gaga before throwing her off from… somewhere and… him dressing up in Lady Gaga suit. Uh, Let me prove this to you and tell me this comic is very fucked up…

He then checks this Jellyfish Rulez Blog (and it’s not really a Product Placement so settle down) and we then see “Lester Bangs” in a dream sequence (second in under five pages) of him in school detention with Lady Gaga. That one is pointless that his wife interrupted through phone and complain to “Lester Bangs” about Lady Gaga before he went to the work where he sings one of her songs that is annoyed by his blonde workmate. Oh, And we finally got his real name Bill (but I ain’t stopping the “Lester Bangs” thing because I’m a zany reviewer) and he just went to eat with his wife at McDonalds.

While in McDonalds, “Lester Bangs” and his wife is… hearing a Lady Gaga song on the radio. Oh, And “Lester Bangs” then imagines her wife as Lady Gaga. Back to Dead-End Corporations and “Lester Bangs” is singing the song while the same blonde workmate comes and same shit happens as the last scene. What is this? The Room?

“Lester Bangs” then ended up in the Big Boss office and nothing happens before we again see McDonalds in the comic. He ignores the boss and ended up in the restaurant literally dressing up as Lady Gaga. Hey, Bill aka “Lester Bangs”… SEEK FUCKING HELP! And he imagines him in duet with herself before his wife walks in and see the shock in her eyes. He then stops singing while his mother records it on the mobile which caught the attention of the real deal who then wants “Lester Bangs” in… The Halls Of Gaga!!!

But there’s a fucking bonus content involving her and it’s so confusing that I’m stopping at this point. This is the most fucked up comic I have ever seen in my entire life. This is not a Biography Comic and more of a fan’s mentally ill obsession about a overrated pop singer. And what’s worse is that this thing has sold like hotcakes that a second issue is near. Look, I survived through Countdown To Final Crisis, Ultimatum and even Marville that I ended up reviewing this… weird comic. Now, I’m gonna seek few Fame one-shots so I can see if it’s Biographical or not.

The Governator

January 13, 2011 § Leave a comment

This month marks the time when something is possible like Axel Alonso taking over Joe Quesada’s position at Marvel and Season Of The Witch is the worst movie to star Nicholas Cage ever but nothing more is a bit celebrating than the time he left the office and possibly making a comeback in the acting game… Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Seriously, We might get to see a movie with the name “Arnold Schwarzengger” attached on a poster again if he’s not doing other political decisions. And Sure, He was in The Expendables but that was just a bit part. We just need him fighting bad guys, saying corny one-liners and anything else. I’m just gonna say that Arnold may not be immortal so all of us have one life and we have to do what counts… except Kenneth from 30 Rock who’s actually immortal.

Now, I’m gonna take a comic review reflecting his career called simply The Governator, one of the parodic comics published by Antarctic Press. This has action. This has one-liners and this even have Cameos including an awesome cover so what’s not to love about this?

The comic begins with Conan-style prologue that makes me imagine it being said by Mako but it’s narrated by an intern so… this sucks. Also, California is now renamed as Kahlifornia in the Prologue. Why? It’s a parody comic about Jack Slater himself and California’s name is changed. Uh, Moving On. We then meet Mary Blake the intern who’s now on the mission for… something. And here’s the Austrian Death Machine himself doing weights in front of the intern and talking about Parties and stuff. Arnie then hears the doorbell and guess who’s at the door? It’s Sly Stallion and Chuck Morris. Wait, What?

First California and now this, well it is a parody comic. They explain about some Legislation to stop using Special Effects and start using Holograms which ended career for Celebrities (even though Chuck Norris retired from acting in 2005). And speaking of Chuck Norris, His counterpart is trying to go Internet Meme on us with lines like “Earth. One Of The Twelve Moons… That Revolve Around Chuck Morris!” and I don’t know if it’s taken from Chuck Norris facts but moving on. And then, Arnie and Mary is riding through the Humvee which smashes various cars with innocent drivers and passengers.

Then the two went to Arnie’s Private Jet before they got attacked by a force known as… Collateral Damage! Uh, And this is probably the best part of the comic as we see Arnie riding on a missile… Seriously, This is the part I don’t see in any of his movies and it is AWESOME! He somehow survives the big fall but left himself naked… oh, and Mary somehow ended up there in a matter of seconds!

So after Mary gets a glimpse of the “Mini-Arnie”, Arnie returned to clothing before he dukes it out with remaining members of Collateral Damage and even with the fight being a bit cliché – He needs a Weapon. So he gets a known simply as “Da Choppah” (he even mentions… you know) and the fight ended with an explosion that lands Arnie in a Hospital. He had a short-lived concussion and uh, not again…

And to end this comic, The Collateral Damage won the battle, Holographic Actors are here to stay and there’s no second issue to resolve this comic. Oh, Dammit! This comic is hilarious and action-packed and no second issue… Big Mistake, Antarctic Press. This may seem like the worst cliffhanger I’ve seen in a comic book but despite it being a Parody, I’m sad that there won’t be The Governator II: Get Your Ass To California. And you know what has suddenly have a Second Issue? Fame: Lady Gaga and yeah, I’m gonna review the first issue in the next review. Oh My Gosh, I’m reviewing something about Lady Gaga!

The Asylum Finally Did It!

January 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

Last Year, I reviewed and researched one of the worst movies I ever seen known as Metal Man and during research, The Asylum themselves have used a rule of not doing superhero movies. But this year…

… Yeah! The Asylum finally mockbustered a superhero movie with “The Almighty Thor”! Gee, I’m scared that this is gonna suck (because I wanted to see the blockbuster one and I’m a huge comic geek) but with a movie that has Richard Grieco as Loki…

…And Kevin Nash as Odin. Yeah, Kevin Nash of wrestling fame (and also previously played The Russian in The Punisher and Super-Shredder in TMNT II) as Thor’s father. I might enjoy it if it’s good enough…

So The Asylum finally broke their rules. Uh, Hooray. I don’t know but I will release two Comic Book reviews (not one to do with the God of Thunder), one Tron rip-off review (that one isn’t really a mockbuster so I’ll explain by then) and if free time, something else so I’m gonna wish The Asylum didn’t mockbusted Captain America!

My Name Is Bruce

January 1, 2011 § Leave a comment

Back in 1978, Sam Raimi directed a little short film about a group of students going to some cabin only to discover the book of the dead and only one decide to escape. That certain short film known as Within The Woods evolved into an cult-favorite franchise known as either Evil Dead or Army Of Darkness (in terms of comic book spinoffs) and is a perfect timing for an average star known as Bruce Campbell to get the roles of awesomeness. In 2008, Dark Horse Indie Films decide to make Bruce Campbell a hero again in the horror-comedy My Name Is Bruce. I’m a Bruce Campbell fan and he might even be awesome in bad movies like Timequest.

 

 

The movie begins a police officer and a mayor playing their guitar, singing a song and breaking the fourth wall. I just hope it won’t be anything like that awful movie called Dead And Breakfast but instead we get to the point of two punk fanatics drinking beers and holding a collection of Bruce Campbell movies in the car. Then they went to a mysterious Graveyard area only to get scared by horny goth-like ladies (How come I know there’s gonna be a hot goth sex in a graveyard sooner or later?). One of the punks then discovered something that awakened Guan-Di (which sounds a bit like Robert Englund) and no… there’s no hot goth sex in the graveyard because these goth chicks along with one of the punks are the first set of victims. Then the Bruce Campbell punk fan escaped.

 

 

Then we get to Bruce Campbell in another Sci-Fi Original Movie (it’s still 2008 so this is before Sci-Fi became SyFy) with an badly costumed aliens involved. Bruce himself calls “cut” to the movie and he’s spending the time with the most obnoxious crew ever seen. He then got out of the set with the fanatic fanbase (If I were on a set of a Bruce Campbell movie? I would mellow down and be a normal guy) including a wheelchair guy who gets pushed off by Bruce himself because… he’s the most awesome jerk ever known.

 

 

Bruce then go to the same bar as Sam Raimi’s brother Ted (playing his agent) and is angry about the movie he’s currently starring in (It’s called Cavealien 2 and the DVD of the movie I’m reviewing includes the fake trailer). As for Ted, he acts like a bastard agent who even knows Bruce’s birthday. We then cut to the mother-and-son family driving on a four-wheel drive vehicle (Hmm, How Cliche is that?) before Guan-Di nearly killed the kid but the monster has one weakness… the rice that the kid is eating. Back to Bruce Campbell who’s living in a caravan. Damn, I know Bruce is a bit cult-favorite actor but I didn’t know the creators of Burn Notice stabbed him in the back with that. Bruce then meets up with his dog and watches Hollywood Now (an Entertainment Tonight parody) which involves Bruce being “disappeared” from the major public eye.

 

 

He then calls his ex-wife (who’s now in relationship with Bruce’s agent) but nothing goes before Jeff (Taylor Sharpe) who’s a fan from the town of Gold Lick arrives and talks to Bruce about the Guan-Di which he though was a prank. And I fucking knew it, That cop-and-mayor singing duo returned to sing the exact the same song (it’s not fucking There’s Something About Mary, you know). It cuts back to Bruce in a trunk still thinking it’s a total prank and I like that in-joke from Army of Darkness (the in-joke involving Fangoria magazine in a truck) before it cuts back to Gold Lick with hopefully two victims in another caravan. Then we cut to… Ted Raimi as a french sign painter of Gold Lick. Uh, Okay.

 

 

Bruce is then in Gold Licks and tries to a Ladies Man kind-of jerk when he see a hot chick Kelly (Grace Thorsen) who’s also Jeff’s mother. Meanwhile on the set of Cavealiens 2, Bruce is replaced by the stunt-dummy (that’s kinda funny). Returning to Bruce who still thinks about the kidnap prank is the best birthday present he’s ever gotten and pretends to be a heroic type for publicity. And then, Ted Raimi plays another character and it’s a bad old chinese man stereotype so if anybody wanna see a Bruce Campbell movie with Rob Scheider involved… This is sadly close enough. Ted Raimi just became racially insensitive in the same way Mickey Rooney did in Breakfast At Tiffany’s.

 

 

It’s night at Bruce is in Jeb’s room with lots of Bruce Campbell material (even an awesome poster that I gonna buy) before Bruce and Jeb is in the barndance party. On the other side of town, Guan-Di kills two more victims including a bumbling police officer. Returning to Bruce as he hit it off with Kelly with the stupidest dance in film which nearly results to their kiss. But with the townspeople interrupting his potential sexytime, Bruce is gained a weapon (which is a chainsaw) and his backup crew of townspeople. However, Bruce discovered that the Guan-Di is real and retreats.

 

 

Bruce attempts to escape Gold Licks and he did. So after French Sign Painter Ted Raimi being killed off, We get the singing duo singing the same song yet again. Bruce is then returned to his home and is facing his life as a coward with his future of bad Cavealien sequel scripts. After getting a phonecall from Jeff, Bruce became disillusion with his guilty conscience (meaning we get to see Bruce Campbell as both an angel and devil) involved which results him to go back to Gold Licks to become the hero he intended. Jeff is then afraid of killing the Guan-Di and it’s up to Bruce and Kelly to stop him from getting killed. And now, I’m waiting for the battle that’s worth waiting for.

 

 

While Bruce is fighting the Guan-Di, Kelly then meets Wing (aka Chinese Ted Raimi) and steals the only other weakness to Guan-Di… Tofu! The result is that Chinese Ted Raimi is killed by Guan-Di and the battle continues. So to skip the battle, Bruce Campbell survives and saves the further townspeople from getting killed. Oh, And it leads to a cliffhanger… before cutting to a scene with the actual Bruce Campbell demanding a happy ending. So I just watched the whole movie-within-an-horror-movie-that-contains-an-clip-of-an bad-horror-movie! Uh, My headache hurts but Bruce is getting his when his “happy” ending is invaded by the actual Guan-Di. The movie ends with that annoying song again and this time it’s an ending credit montage type (before they got killed by the Guan-Di themselves).

 

 

All in all, This movie is recommended even with the bad singing duo and Ted Raimi playing two racial insensitive roles. But do yourself a favor and get the two-disc edition even if you’re not a Bruce Campbell follower. It’s now a matter of time before we see a sequel to this or Bubba Ho-Tep… or Evil Dead… or anything else that makes Bruce Campbell the best B-Actor in the world.

 

Asylum Seeker’s Mini-Bonus Review – Countdown: Jersusalem

Like The Apocalypse, This is another Asylum movie that’s associated with Faith Films. But unlike The Apocalypse, this movie is a bit okay. It focuses on Allison (Kim Little) whom after discovered her daughter has mysteriously disappeared, She goes on searching for her which leads to her former husband’s last whereabouts in Israel. However, She didn’t notice that she is witnessing the Apocalypse which involves the Middle East Peace breaking down, earthquakes in both Los Angeles and Tokyo (with a twister addition to the L.A. itself) and an man-made explosion in an Israeli temple. This movie is more like a Jodie Foster thriller type than the average Apocalyptic movie and while it does have the Asylum filming technique of filler scenes, there is some scenes involving good CGI (Twister in L.A. and bombings in Israel is an example), it doesn’t really come off as yet another heavy dose of Eschploitation so it’ll be recommended for curiosity only.

TGWTG Film Club #8: Shaun Of The Dead

January 1, 2011 § Leave a comment

Well, It’s been a while since I’m doing my selected TGWTG Film Club Reviews and I thought I should do at least one more because the thread that involves these hasn’t been updated for a while and it’s surprisingly not up to the movie that one forum member (which is me) have selected. So instead of ending it with nowhere, I decide to end it a bang and the movie that I’m reviewing is Shaun of the Dead.

 

 

This cult-classic movie opens up with Shaun (Simon Pegg) who is facing his future by his slacker lifestyle involving his girlfriend Liz (Kate Ashfield) whom she’s having second thoughts about their relationship and his dead-end job at an electronic store. Over a day has passed and the Zombies have rise to kill anything that moves and I like it when Shaun walks from his home to the nearest Kiosk to get the Cornetto and other stuff.

 

 

Shaun and his best friend Ed (Nick Frost) eventually discover the outbreak and attempts to kill the first undead they encountered by – throwing Vintage Vinyl Records. Actually, They got stuff from the Shed they haven’t been there yet and so on. Shaun later decides to get their flatmate Pete’s car (note that Peter is played by Peter Serafinowicz), get to his mother’s place while killing the stepfather Philip (Bill Nighy), go get Liz and survive the walking dead in the nearest pub known as The Winchester.

 

 

However, Not anything goes according to plan as Philip didn’t become Zombie until close to an hour later, his mother got bitten by a neighbour and Shaun distracts the Zombies so the other survivors hide out in the Winchester (which its window is smashed by Dylan Morris). He survives and ended back to his favorite pub but didn’t notice the Zombies will return eventually and it leaves Shaun, Liz and already bittened Ed as the last set of survivors.

 

 

So the military appears, Several Zombies are now replacing slacker workers for work and Shaun lives happily ever after with his girlfriend… oh, and Zombie Ed is playing Video Games in the Shed. This is one of the classical efforts on the second “Zombiemania” that’s happening last decade and still stands today. It has funny jokes, good acting and couple cameo appearances (blink and you’ve probably miss Coldplay surviving the Apocalypse) and it’s very Recommended by all so go see it… unless you already did.

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