Asylum Seeker: 666 – The Child

October 31, 2011 § Leave a comment

Throughout the ages, We have our share of movies that had that so-bad-its-good feel to it. From The Rocky Horror Picture Show to Birdemic, The list goes on. However, It seems that The Asylum have done so many bad movies but never have I encountered a so-bad-its-good flick outside of Sherlock Holmes… Until Now.

The movie I’m checking out today is 666: The Child which is initially a knock-off of The Omen since the awful shot-for-shot remake was released the same year as the mockbuster. Heck, It even has the identical story structure. This movie is initially better than the one ruined by Julia Stiles and Liev Schrieber that it mixes stuff you might never see in five movies bearing “The Omen” title… Yeah, I’ve seen The Omen IV: The Awakening and that is worse than the remake.

The movie involves Channel 6 newscaster Erika Lawson (Sarah Lieving) and her husband Scott (Adam Vincent) deciding to adopt Donald (Booboo Stewart) who’s the sole survivor of the crash of Pacific Airlines Flight 7666 (Get It?). However, The early days of Donald as their adoptive son takes a deadly turn when Scott witnesses a crazy nun, People who didn’t suspect that Donald is the son of the devil died for no reasons and Scott getting a surprise blowjob from nanny (and satanic follower) Lucy (Nora Jesse)… I’ve just said the surprise blowjob part, didn’t I?

Near the end, Scott is the only survivor against Donald but a lone police officer (why he’s in their backyard?) shoots the adopted father and has the kid now adopted by Erika’s sister Mary Lou (Kim Little in her pointless short role ever) who is so nothing like Martha Stewart despite having that much similarities and it leads to the sequel which I’ll review soon. Ooh, What else can I tell you about this movie? A lot but I’ll short the review for the time being.

I did previously mentioned that the storyline is very identical to The Omen but there are changes involved like using the parents as media figures rather than political figures and having just the death scenes different so no David Warner lookalike with the window on his neck. As for the acting, It’s bloody hilarious. Erika’s performance as the newscaster is a total dull surprise that I don’t know if she’s trying to act, Donald act from a normal kid but near the end, He went full psycho on us that I’m thinking he’s on drugs or something. And the nanny Lucy… What does she have that the nanny from The Omen doesn’t?

There’s also fun involving the movie. Some scenes are just worth watching but the other scenes especially the ones involving any character’s death is comedy gold. Let me give a sneak peek to what I mean, The first death scene involves a nurse having sex with a doctor on the room next to Donald. There, He use his telekinetic powers to a pipe above the nurse’s head which broke and killed her while the hot smoke burns the doctor’s face.

What are their purpose for the movie? No idea. How is the death scenes that funny? You have to watch the movie for yourself because this might be taken seriously but it’s not. So if you something for Halloween or bad movie night, This is highly recommended and I do have a good time watching it. Trust me on this one because it’s worth the rental and Happy Halloween to us all. Now, I’m gonna check out the sequel and see if it succeeds or not.

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Red State

October 27, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’ve been a fan of Kevin Smith’s work since the late-nineties and I don’t mind his movies outside his View Askewniverse saga. Jersey Girl is watchable despite being overshadowed by the first Bennifer relationship, Zach And Miri Make A Porno is also watchable even though it is kinda Apatowesque and I do have to say that Cop Out is watchable. And Also, He’s misblamed for that one since the script is written by the Cullen Brothers and their previous works involves television shows and a flash cartoon starring Kelsey Grammer.

Yes, It is a clichéd cop comedy, there are jokes are little laughable and it is Kevin’s lowest-point in his filmography but again, He’s misblamed so throw the bone at the screenwriters instead. So anyway, I’m getting ready to talk about probably one of the best movies to come out this year – Red State. Yeah, I think I said of what you just read – This movie is possibly one of the best flicks of 2011. It might the top of them all but then again, I saw Melancholia and I can’t figure which is better (I might have to seen both those movies again and make the final decision).

The film starts with three teenagers Travis, Jarod and Billy Ray (Michael Angarano, Kyle Gallner and Nicholas Braun) whom are about to lose their virginity to Sara (Melissa Leo) but despite them knowing that she’s the wife of Pastor Abin Cooper (Michael Parks), They have fallen to the trap and become potential victims of a religious cult known as Five Points Church that is partly influenced by Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church. While captured, ATF Agent Joseph Keenan (John Goodman) gets a call from Sheriff Wynan (Stephen Root) about the recent events and crazy shit happens that makes this horror movie becomes something else.

Despite its mixed reactions involving the movie, I’m gonna say that I have fun watching this and it’s the most fun I have involving a horror movie since Land Of The Dead. The acting is very good, The storyline is well done, There is even an amount of comedy in both the beginning and ending but in between it’s a little bit of horror and action involved (but it’s more of a psychological thriller). And I do say that I wanna know how the original ending (which is not filmed) turned out but we do get a good ending anyway so if you believe other critic’s word that involves “Don’t See This Movie”, Ignore him or her because this is exactly what a horror movie is all about. Not some pussified remake or doing-it-for-cash sequels, This one is one of the better examples.

 

And before I’m done with this review, I will tell you on how I came to see it. I’ve seen it in a special screening held by Popcorn Taxi a couple of weeks back (yes, I saw it a couple of weeks before writing this review) and it’s more than a screening of a movie but with Popcorn Taxi, You might get surprises involved like a Q&A with the people involved in this movie and couple other stuff so if you live in an Australian area, I suggest you should check out http://www.popcorntaxi.com.au because that’s the place for aussie moviegoers to check out the movies and more. Also Seriously, Go see this movie.

Sliders – The Alternateville Horror

October 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

Seeing as it’s nearly Halloween, I’ve decide to being a short series of themed reviews dedicated to the spooky holiday and the first one in the list involves one of my favorite series that is Sliders. And seeing as there’s more than one Sliders episodes that involves the paranormal themes like The Dream Masters, Tommy Chong The Vampire Hunter and Diet-Addicted Zombies. Yeah, Season 3 is a weird time for those stories so I’ll skip it to the next season where the story may be weirder but it doesn’t paid homage to movies… possibly except the episode I’m reviewing right now.

The Alternateville Horror (and that really is the name of this episode) is indeed what you expect but it takes place on the fortress of solitude for Sliders that is The Chandler Hotel. For Non-Sliders fanatics, This hotel is kinda a major base for Sliders characters for the fourth and fifth season. Although, It was originally Hotel 12 for the first two seasons before it became The Chancellor Hotel for the third which results into a lawsuit by the hotel of the same name. And also…

No time to waste so let’s get started, The episode begins with Quinn, his brother Colin, Rembrandt and Maggie Beckett enjoying their time talking about two drag queens dancing (I’m not kidding about that) before the clouds are covering out and causes acid rain in Los Angeles. And what’s weird is that Quinn had declared this world as “Acid Rain World” even though there is such existence of Acid Rain in our own universe.

So the four went to the hotel and are greeted by Mary (Elyse Mirto) who’s the hotel manager in this universe (and this universe only). While she explains why the four went out without protection against Acid Rain, Colin then used the immortal catchphrase that is “We’re From Canada” and this line is overused throughout the majority of the fourth season. And Then, Other hotel guests are suddenly running out because they preferred to suffer the acid raindrops instead of spending another hour in the hotel and the four still want a vacancy anyway!!!

After the teaser, Quinn and the others explained what happened with the other hotel guests but Mary never answered and got back to her duties. Quinn, Rembrandt and Maggie decide to go to the hotel bar but Colin wanna check out the telly which has Rembrandt telling Colin to check out The Spice Channel and it then has Colin looking at some movie about a Pizza Boy which might be pornographic (even though this is shown off-screen)… Okay, Is there such channel called The Spice Channel or something similar that I didn’t know existed?

Okay, Must be a product placement moment. Colin then changed the channel and we cut to the three in the hotel bar explaining if it’s a good idea to continue sliding. Mary appears and they all asked for the draft while she expains about why the weather is different on her world. And then she gives them a blue-colored beer… Okay, Nothing wrong with that. Then the real story begins as Colin watches Frankenstein but the telly has been turned off twice which is the working of a ghost kid which Colin then decides to follow. Well, Colin is a bit new at multiversal travel and he knows a little about the ghost stories and such.

Colin went to the bar and explained the deal along with him watching the movie. We then meet another guest who is… Darkman!!! With the acid rain happening, Do we now need people dressing up as superheroes? Back in the hotel room and Quinn and his brother continued explaining the recent happening which Quinn suddenly acts a bit comedic and out-of-character because he’s a non-believer in ghosts. Yeah, It’s not like he appeared in one episode as a ghost figure himself and encountering some psychic in a parallel… Oh Wait?

Maggie and Rembrandt then have their own encounters with the spirits which has Rembrandt seeing an invisible being writing things on the mirror while Maggie saw herself’s head in the ice freezer. We then cut to the point-of-view shot a ghost taking the group’s timer while the group walked away which has Darkman picking up the ice in the floor.

The group discovered the timer has been taken and decide to search where it is. The other three then meets Darkman which he is now not wearing the suit and went to his room full of electronics that is big enough to fit his own suitcase… Okay, How does he get the stuff in there? He revealed his name as John Smith (Lance Wilson-White) and it is actually his real name rather than the alias. Colin then did something to an artifact that somehow amazed John Smith.

Maggie searches the timer alone which leaves her being stuck in the basement, Quinn and Mary checked some rooms for the device and Rembrandt and Colin went outside the room where the child ghost went in. Rembrandt decides to go check the keys which Colin then sees the child ghost again and are being secretly watched by Darkman. Surprisingly, The keys to Room 315 is at the door and Colin went in to see some red lightning with the room. Darkman then goes in and runs out scared. And then, Colin became a ghost himself and now communicate with the ghost.

The ghost’s name is revealed to be Matthew (Colton James) and nothing much happens so let’s see what the others are up to. Rembrandt then meets Maggie and went out the basement. They meet up with Quinn and Mary which the group interrogate the manager. She then explains that the hotel is haunted (which has a better explanation in a second) and has been for five years. Mary also explained that her son Matthew disappeared and that’s why she stayed as the manager of the hotel which leads them to Room 315 and it’s actually a red vortex.

Maggie discovered Darkman’s thingy and went to his room which he explains that he’s looking for ghosts plus he himself theorizes that it involves alternate realities. Quinn then amplifies the quantum signal from the vortex and I’ve shit you not but this scene below is when we get from a haunted story to the WTF approach.

Rembrandt from this universe (or alternate reality, it doesn’t really matter) explained that he’s a scientist working on a anti-gravity machine that accidentally causes the Red Vortex to remained opened for years and so on. I’m gonna pause this episode for a second and explained this part, This is the dumbest counterparts of Sliders characters I’ve ever seen.

I’m not saying it’s bad but it’s dumb enough. It has Rembrandt as a scientist which I’ve already mentioned the Woops! part earlier. Quinn Mallory is somehow a mentally handicapped british rock star (!!) and Maggie Beckett is an exotic dancer… okay, I can’t complained about that one.

Back to the episode and Quinn’s double is acting very bad that it must be seen to believed. The quantum frequency is malfunctioned and Colin shouted Frankenstein which had them disappeared. Quinn then explained the vortex is unstable enough that it’s soon gonna be closed. He then found the idea thanks to Colin and decides to be heroic enough to save his brother and the others. The vortex is suddenly in the hotel’s dining room and Darkman tries to stop them… Then by a chance of coincidence, An electric storm hits the pole which has the cords attached to the device and knocks him out.

Quinn then went in the vortex and opens a portal which leaves the doubles to presumably returned to their universe (or this one, it still doesn’t matter) and the Red Vortex has closed but Quinn, Colin and Matthew survived, Darkman has the vortex data that might make him get the Nobel Prize (assuming it exists in this universe) and The Acid Rain is finishing up.

So there’s the episode and other than the doubles and Jerry O’Connell’s acting, The episode is okay and watchable and there is couple parts that’s never explained. If you wanna watch an episode of Sliders for this Halloween season, This could be worth checking out but it’s better to check out Into The Mystic, Gillian of the Spirits or The Dream Masters (which that one actually aired in October). So until then, I’ll back with something cool.

Quantum Apocalypse

October 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

UPDATE: Before I start this review, Let me make a few things clear. I know that there’s an video review series entitled “Asylum Seeker” done by Mike J and I’ll still keep my future set of reviews under that name because I’m a fan of his work before he recently released his first review. I’ve suggest you can check his work out at http://www.mikejeavons.com/ and don’t worry, I’m not gonna do a rant, lawsuit or feud against him so let him keep the title. Also, This review is actually complete despite the space below that seems to miss a screencaption joke.

One Year Ago, I’ve decided to review the abomination that is The Apocalypse. A movie so bad that it makes my review look clumsy itself. Now, I’m reviewing Quantum Apocalypse and why did I bring up that other movie in the first place? Both of these movies are directed by Justin Jones and both featured Rhett Giles as the main character. Oh, And both of these movies have the word “Apocalypse” in the title.

But here’s something different about this, This movie is actually not distributed by The Asylum themselves because it’s actually made for SyFy Original Films. And how can you tell it’s made for Skiffy itself? Stephanie Jacobsen, Gigi Edgley and Peter Jurasik stars in this movie. Hey, I even thought up a nickname for this movie now…

Okay, This movie has for subplots all connected to main plot itself. The first subplot involves the physicists – Trish Zane (Gigi Edgley) and Tom Lively (Collin Galyean) trying to think a way to save Earth within Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center. They discovered that the anomaly is a strangelet that’s heading to earth. Meanwhile, The Russian and Chinese decide to fire nukes to the North Pole that caused a polar shift which involves worldwide disasters like tsunami in The Big Apple.

The second subplot involves Mayor Ben Marshall (Randy Mulkey) whom tries to send Terry (Rhett Giles) to the Space Center because Terry is an autistic savant who knows a probable way to save Terra Firma himself. Later On, They encountered another vehicle and Ben suffered a heart attack so it’s up to Terry to drive to the center. I’m gonna say that Rhett Giles somehow pulled it off as an autistic protagonist and I’ve just thought of something so look below.

As for the third subplot, It involves Ben’s wife Lynne (Stephanie Jacobsen) along with their children Leo (Stuart Lafferty) and Samantha (Jenna Craig) hiding out and survive the disaster in the rescue center. However, Leo and his girlfriend Lindsey (Kristen Quintrall) leave the center to save for her family but finds her ex-boyfriend Sean shooting Leo and tries to rape Lindsey. Lynne arrived and stopped the madness only to have them and her house sucked away and presumably died.

The fourth subplot is rendered pointless since it’s about Peter Jurasik playing President Scott and he actually did nothing. Not since George W. Bush have I seen a commander-in-chief doing nothing at all. And now, I’m gonna go back to the first two subplots since Ben and Terry arrived to the Space Center and they succeeded saving Earth… However, They saved it by launching the nukes to the strangelet and time reverses back to the beginning of the movie.

Okay, How am I gonna put this movie? With the exception of a cop-out ending, It’s actually a good movie. The story is solid, The effects may be cheap but watchable and The acting is well-done. I’m not saying this movie is worth recommended but it is more watchable then The Apocalypse. And it’s not like… Uh, I’m not gonna say it because I’ll already jinxed it before and I’ve got few things to do before halloween.

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