Doomsday Prophecy

January 30, 2012 § Leave a comment

So with all that, You all might think I’m taking on Roland Emmerich’s disaster movie… No, I’m not doing that. The reason why I’m not reviewing it is despite the many scientific falses in that movie, it is somewhat enjoyable. So instead, I’m taking on Doomsday Prophecy, an SyFy Original Movie that is inspired by the Mayan Predictions.

And before I’ll start, Let me say something about Jason Bourque. What is up with this guy? Other than making episodes of The Two Coreys, He has made disaster movies involving superstorms – 2006’s Dark Storm and 2012’s Seattle Superstorm. And it doesn’t make it better than the movie I’m reviewing has a bit of stormy weather so is Jason some sort of a meteorologist as well? I don’t know but he did also made Termination Point which on yeah, the cover involves lightning as well.

Enough talking about the weather so on to the movie, This movie primary involves Eric (A.J. Buckley) whom after being a proofreader gets a mysterious message from author Rubert Crane (Matthew Walker), he then travels to the guy’s place only to find him dead and a rod that gave him premonitions of the future. He became wanted by the government along with archaeologist Brooke (Jewel Staite) and they’re on the run to stop the world from being destroyed as it reaches galactic alignment.

With disaster after disaster, Eric and Brooke are near the place of destination which involves statues similar to those of Easter Island. So before Eric decides to save the world, Alan Dale appears as… well, Alan Dale since his role here is like any other roles he has played (including Neighbours). Back to the story and Alan Dale interrupted their actions which immediately killed him in a stupid fashion. So with the assistance of Agent Garcia (Bruce Ramsey) and Dr Sparks (David Richmond-Peck), Eric and Brooke successfully save the world and the movie ended with time reversing to the point we see Terry Marshall (Rhett Giles) is making pancakes.

So okay, this movie is not by The Asylum but seeing as it’s from the Skiffy network… it’s still not saying much. Jewel Staite did try her best getting out of her well-known role in Firefly and Alan Dale is a one-dimensional character like he usually is. The story is okay, the acting is just acted and there’s really nothing much so it’s best watched for curiosity’s sake. So yeah, This is the best way to end the theme month but with a boring movie rather than a bang.

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Asylum Seeker: 2012 – Zombie Apocalypse

January 28, 2012 § Leave a comment

Well, It’s about time I’m doing a zombie movie and it is somewhat part of 2012 movies made by The Asylum and I do say “somewhat” because 2012: Zombie Apocalypse is actually an alternate title but if you the year and the colon part off the title, you’ll get the actual title of the movie. And I do call bullshit on the fact this movie sets in 2012 because despite its release in October 2011, the zombie outbreak occurs in June 2011 and the events of the movie begins six months after that. Here, Take a look at the trailer…

 

So in a sense, I don’t know why they suddenly went to the alternate history approach. But if you watched the movie instead of the trailer, the movie itself doesn’t specified the year so you might think the outbreak occurs in June 2012 and the main story sets in January 2012. And hey, you could pretend the movies sets further than so why not make me call this one…

Huh? I hope I won’t use any more Seltzerberg-like references so moving on. The movie begins with a montage on how the outbreak occurs and we get stuff like a plane hitting the Big Ben and New York had some explosions. And then, we meet three characters – Ramona (Taryn Manning), Billy (Eddie Steeples) and Kevin (Gerald Webb) as they went to an abandoned store which caused the zombies to come out of hiding and it’s not long before Ving Rhames and his team of survivors slaughters the undead. But as Ramona and Billy survives, Kevin just became the first zombie feast in the movie.

So with Ramona and Crabman joining Henry (Ving Rhames), Julian (Johnny Pacar), Cassie (Lesley Ann-Brandt) and Mack (Gary Weeks), They have a way to get out of their former homeland which is to go to Catalina because Cassie’s husband mentioned it’s the last refuge for humanity. They got followed by a surviving dog and traveled to a nearby store, Zombies appear and more carnage follows. They do survive and went into hiding in the restaurant which has Ving Rhames of all people say this line…

I’m not even kidding and he actually did say it like that so it’s funny since he used to be Marsellus Wallace. Back to the movie and the dog somehow became a zombie. Don’t Worry, The mongrel got sliced a second later. So they continued walking to the school which is thought to be a safe place but it’s ambush and more zombies appeared which creates one of the saddest moments in the movie, the living dead eating Crabman’s body. Well, We still have Ving Rhames and the lead singer of Boomkat along with bunch of nobodies but it is still sad.

They escaped the school and finds the house on smokes which has the zombies coming out but guess what? We have three more survivors in the game and they’re great archers. But Henry and Cassie got separated from the group and has to survive by themselves. And then, the archers – Brockton (Robert Blanche), Myrah (Lilan Bowden) and Sara (Anya Monzikova) – have a hideout for them and nothing much but a satellite falling from the sky like a shooting star and it’s nothing to do with the whole story.

The following day and Julian finds a portable toilet which has a zombie biting him the arm and hides it for a short time before he got his neck snapped. As for Henry and Cassie, They find a machine gun and a grenade which I do say caused a bigger explosion that killed six zombies. But hey, they finally reunited with the tohers and they’re near the dock so what happens next? Well, The stupidest thing in the whole movie.

Well, The CGI Zombietooth (I can’t tell if it’s a tiger or whatever so play along) had killed Brockton before Ving Rhames decides to be the badass we know by using his hammer to beat out the beast while saying “Meow Bitch” before they both died and it just leaves Mack with all the girls waiting in the dock for the ferry which did come. Well, At least it didn’t abruptly ended like The Terminators this time or else we would be speculating if the Ferry does come or if Mack will get his four-way surprise.

I do have to admit that it is a fun zombie flick so I can’t argue with that. The acting is good, the action is fine and the story is okay. The only thing I have against is the CGI Zombie Animal in the finale but it is cool that Ving Rhames kicked some ass so you’re now forgiven for starring in that awful in-name-only remake of Day of the Dead (and yes, I’m not confusing it with Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead because… have you seen how bad is the 2008 remake?) and I got nothing else so I better finish with one more movie for this themed month because it’s nearly february.

Asylum Seeker: 2012 – Ice Age

January 16, 2012 § Leave a comment

Seeing as I’m finished with another religious propaganda movie, I’m now getting to the disaster movie that is 2012: Ice Age. But before I’ll get to it, This is probably an easy to go through the info because this is the only movie directed by Travis Fort who have done nothing else and as for the cast, we have Patrick Labyorteaux from JAG (which I never watched), Julie McCullough from Growing Pains (which I also never watched) and retired NFL player Cedric Scott (and I don’t watch sports so moving on). Hmm, I guess it’s time to get on to the movie.

The movie focuses on Bill Hart (Patrick Labyorteaux) whom drops his daughter Julia (Katie Wilson) off to Maine airport but however, his son Nelson (Nick Afanasiev) has contacted via radio transmission to Divya (Chacko Vadaketh) in Greenland where the place had a volcanic eruption which killed him in the process. Bill then decides to get his wife Teri (Julie McCullough) and travel to New York to get reunite with his daughter. And before I’ll get to the action, We have Cedric Scott as Senator Hooper whom only appears in just one scene and probably do it for the paycheck so wave goodbye to Mr Scott.

We then see Julie again in New York as she’s meeting her boyfriend Logan and nothing much happens so let’s get to the disaster as the glaciers are speeding towards America (amongst other places) and it involves pieces of giant ice falling to places which is caused by rockets shot by F16 fighter jets and this scene is kinda funny. The three did manage to escape unlike anybody else.

They got later involved in the car crash which they did survive but they have to take an abandoned van before getting to Boston. While there, the people over there are literally frozen before more fallen chunks of ice happens and so on. Back to Julie and Logan who decide to go to the tunnel but before that, one of her friends just got hit by a window glass off-screen which makes her walk outside the classroom and died.

The three are driving to Connecticut and met a crazy hitchhiker named Gary (Ted Monte) whom had stolen the van but he quickly dies when the van sinks so Bill and the others decide to walk for a few hours before ending up in somebody’s house and met some father and son whom appeared for a few minutes. While there, Bill decide to travel quickly with their plane and got near to New Jersey. Speaking of New Jersey, Julia and Logan ended up there. So other than the couple surviving, We see more F16 fighters destroying the glaciers before it hits the big apple so let’s get into something completely different.

The movie is nearly finish so let’s skip to Julia reuniting to her family and them meeting Logan for the first time as their only chance of survival is to travel to the Hudson river and get to the top of the Statue of Liberty. And then, the F16 fighters successfully destroyed those glaciers but it only has the family (and Logan) as the only survivors since all the people in New York and New Jersey are now covered in ice.

I do give it this, this is the most fun movie so far that has 2012 in the title. It is scientifically inaccurate like any other Asylum flicks, Its acting ranges from okay to laughable and the story may be a rip-off to The Day After Tomorrow but hey, it is hilarious to watch and it’s just a fun bad flick anyway. So all there left now is to watch the one with the undead so see you next time.

Asylum Seeker: 2012 – Doomsday

January 8, 2012 § Leave a comment

Well, It’s now 2012 and I think it’s best to get on with the movie I’ve been dreaded to watch for the first time in over two years. And despite my schedule not going as planned, I will review this movie anyway and throw in three other movies that is directed to the year the calendar made by the Mayans is coming to an end. Well, Let’s get on with this one in the first part of uh…

And it pains me to say that I’m finally reviewing 2012: Doomsday, the first part of the so-called “Asylum’s 2012” series. Seriously, There’s technically four in the list and I’ll explain more on that on another time. I do however have to explain that this is the second movie I’ve done that’s directed by Nick Everhart. Since I give 666: The Beast an near-positive review, maybe I’ll do the same here.

And just like Supercroc, This movie involves subplots that are tied together to a the main storyline. The first involves Frank (Dale Midkiff) and his ex-wife Trish (Caroline Amiguet) whom both discovered a cross of Jesus Christ hidden in the ancient chamber in Orizaba. They did manage to take them and escape from the eventual volcano eruption which leads the couple to travel to Chichen-Itza and have their chance to save humanity from dangers of the forthcoming apocalypse.

The second subplot involves Sarah (Danae Nason) who meets up with photographer Alex (Joshua Lee) in Vera Cruz and I do say he’s a photographer because before meeting her for the first time, he takes pictures of her while hiding and follows her moves. In addition, Sarah and Alex travels around and needs to take Wakanna (Sara Tomko) to Chichen-Itza because she’s pregnant with the son of god while Sarah’s father Lloyd (Cliff De Young) also has to travel there to see if her daughter survived.

The third and final subplot involves Susan (Ami Dolenz) who’s a paramedic that doesn’t believe in god but is going to Chichen-Itza because… um… she has some dream visions involving pyramids and cross. I don’t know but she is joined by her devoted mother and the third subplot goes ahead with just them travelling there.

Prior to nearly all of them ended up in Chichen-Itza, Both Trish and Alex died on different circumstances while Susan’s mom mysteriously vanished because it’s The Rapture. Yeah, Why Not? It is after all co-produced by Faith Films. Susan alone and prepares to hitchhike with Lloyd and the travel resumes. Arriving in Chichen-Itza, Frank used the cross to open a hidden temple while Wakanna gave birth to JC himself and uh… Earth is saved from Doomsday. Well, There are disasters throughout worldwide and we got seven years of the antichrist doing his dirty deeds so the movie kinda ends there.

From a guy who has seen Left Behind and The Omega Code which is mentioned on the DVD cover, this is sadly the lowest eschploitational propaganda I ever seen and it’s up there with The Apocalypse. The first thing I could point out about the movie is the continuing use of both the time duration of the doomsday event and the locations. In fact, Here’s the screenshot example I could throw out…

As for anything else, The acting is average but I hate to say that Cliff De Young is incredibly wasted here. The story felt a bit near-complete and the visual effects is by The Asylum so I can’t argue with that one. And lastly, I do have to say something about Nick Everhart – How could you make two movies by The Asylum that ends with the second birth of Jesus Christ? Sure, The stories are different but you don’t have to remind us for that. Well, I’m done now but I’ll be back next week for another disaster flick.

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