Asylum Seeker: The Amazing Bulk

June 25, 2012 § Leave a comment

Ever since The Avengers came to the big screen, I’ve been trying to think of reviews that ties in to the awesome blockbuster and a few came to mind. I would review The Almighty Thor but I save this one for another time, I would take on Rich Johnston’s Avengefuls comics but despite their mixed receptions, it had some moments and I might get to that as well and I would return to the awfulness that is Metal Man but it’s long overdue and I’m given up on attempt to make a re-review on this so that’s kinda good news for me.

So this brings me to The Amazing Bulk and like that other movie, it’s brought to you by Ted Chalmers and his TomCat Films LLC which also brings us Twilight Hunters and Vegas Skyline. Now, I do confess on something on those two flicks. Prior to reviewing Metal Man, I didn’t expect anything good or bad and didn’t watch the trailer so I am still in anger for this flick. But at that time, I did see the trailer for Bulk and well, I do expect this kind of awfulness but not like this sets of montage that I’m gonna show you now.

The movie focuses on Henry “Hank” Howard (Jordan Lawson) whose life is exactly like Bruce Banner aka The Hulk meaning he’s got a love interest Hanna (Shevaun Kastl) that he wants to marry but he also has problems with General Darwin (Terence Lording) who is kinda like R. Lee Ermey but saying stuff like “Purple Pile of Cowdung” and other non-cursive material. So after getting mugged by Scully (Mike Toto), Hank decides to inject himself with the purple serum and you know what’s coming up. Also, Why do I get the fact that I seen a Purple Hulk knockoff before?

After becoming the beast (and with Also Sprach Zarathustra playing), he encountered Scully who accidentally killed the hooker in the street and Bulk beat the living lights out of the mugger before running away very slowly. Both deaths are then investigated by two detectives – Ray Garton (Jed Rowen of Metal Man fame) and Lisa Tuttle (Deirdre V. Lyons of Sex Pot fame) – and while Lisa is okay, Ray is kinda a dumbass because after he got Hank’s wallet from the mugger, he and Lisa then meets Hank the next day and then said “When are you born?” to Hank. Hey Ray, look at his wallet and you find his face and DOB rather than telling him that kinda question so you already failed at being a dick.

Before I get back to Hank, I do have to bring up a subplot involving Dr Werner Von Katlove (Randal Malone) and his wife Lolita (Juliette Angeli). Werner is your stereotypical german villain whom along with his wife actually sends missiles worldwide and destroyed places like China and Washington. As for Lolita, I’m not trying to be sexist or anything but she really, really is the definition of a “dumb blonde” and you have to see that for yourself. Other than that, Werner decides to plan sending a nuke to destroy the moon (with playing The Blue Danube so yeah, two songs from 2001: A Space Odyssey is involved in this movie).

Returning to Hank’s storyline and he got caught in the crime scene by the detectives which results him to become Bulk again and rampage within the city by throwing cars and squeezing a newscopter. With the death of Lisa and Bulk being untransformed, Hank got captured and landed in the prison but General Dawson got him out and made a preposition to stop the Katloves from further plans. He did and then Dawson decides to throw more nukes at him before Hank faked his own death.

Hank made it to their house and finally proposed to Hanna but Dawson caused the commotion which has him and Hank falling down and died. The movie nearly ends with Hanna in Hank’s gravestone which she left but Ray showed up drunk and pissing on the grave before Bulk secretly appears and decides to give Ray’s head a little squashing.

This movie may be bad but it is bad in the same way you’re watching Birdemic. The acting is very hilarious, the storyline is funny and random at times, the city and anything else looks like it comes off from being in Microsoft 3D Movie Maker and the dialogues are mesmerizing. I may not be much for mockbusters involving superheroes but I’m definitely recommend this one because this is memorable at best. But if you can’t find a copy, do not fear because there’s good news – the movie is soon gonna be reviewed on video by Obscurus Lupa so by the time it happened, I’ll update this article with a link so you could check it out.

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