November 25, 2012 § 2 Comments
Seeing as Breaking Dawn Part II is hitting this cinemas this month, I thought it’s time to go back to Forks and see what the cast of characters are up to. And I have to confess but as much as I’m not much for the franchise before, my mind kinda changes overtime. Yeah, I still don’t like Twilight but at the same time, I also don’t mind its existence anyway. Beyond that, I also don’t mind the fact that Robert stars in a David Cronenberg movie or Kirsten appearing in On The Road (although I do mind Taylor as action hero material).
Before I start, I would talk about Bill Condon but to be honest, I haven’t seen his movies prior to this. Yeah, I suck at not seeing Gods and Monsters or Chicago and I don’t have much reason on why I haven’t but I heard they’re good and I might check it out in the future. Instead, let’s quickly get to Melissa Rosenberg. Now while she may be good at screenwriting on a majority episodes of Dexter, that’s not saying much since she is involved with Twilight before the first movie is released. In addition, she might ruin Highlander franchise more than before by writing the reboot.
Let’s get to the movie with Jacob becoming shirtless in the rain and goes all werewolf on us after hearing about the upcoming wedding of Edward and Bella. While nothing much happens prior to wedding, we do get two moments involving it. First is Edward’s flashback to 1930s when he hunts down murderers and kill them around that time. The second being Bella having a wedding dream sequence with The Volturi as priests and everybody she knows is now dead and in a pile of corpses.
Beyond that, Edward and Bella finally got married and in the sun without sparkles involved. Then again, they got married in the woods so it is a nice of way of covering it up. During the wedding party, Bella meets the Denali coven (including one played by Maggie Grace) before she talks to Jacob who arrived late. Again, nothing much happens except Charlie given an awkward toast including him saying he has a gun. Well, he is a cop but then again, he is trying to be protective to his daughter after all.
The movie then cuts from wedding to a long honeymoon in Brazil and for a country that’s sunny at times, Edward still hasn’t shown sparkles even when he’s alone so continuity is probably taking a holiday as well. We see them having fun, shagging it up and that’s about it. We do get Jacob thinking about killing Edward if he made Bella either vampire or dead so let’s skip to the part where Bella becomes pregnant and quickly if I may add since she chose necrophilia over bestiality.
Edward and Bella return to Forks in secret and have days before she gave birth. With that, Jacob went to the house of Cullens and have few arguments before he makes a run in werewolf form and then… have a telepathic argument with other werewolves in the lake. Oh boy, this is getting nuts. So anyway, Jacob returns to home and protect them while being joined by Seth and Leah Clearwater (Booboo Stewart and Julia Jones) in order to protect Bella and her child Renesmee from Sam Uley (Chaske Spencer) because he thinks the baby is a demon spawn.
While her rapid pregnancy causes her to become anorexic the same way Christian Bale did in The Machinist, she tries to survive by drinking blood. And then the day came of her birth and the birthing scene is a bit gruesome. The baby is given birth but Bella died and the werewolves learn of it so we see vampires and werewolves is about to fight it up. Meanwhile, Jacob also attempts to kill Renesmee but then has a vision of her growing up and became imprinted on her so while the battle happened, Jacob stopped it because under wolf law, Renesmee cannot be harmed when she’s imprinted (meaning she’s his future soulmate).
The battle is over and Bella is still dead but thanks to Edward injecting Bella’s heart with venom during the birth, Bella comes back as a newborn vampire. The movie then cuts to credits that is unlike the other movies seeing as its colored and trying to be minimalistic or something. The movie does give us a bonus post-credits sequence with The Volturi hearing about Bella’s conversion and that’s about it.
Oh boy, this movie is a total bore. Besides few good parts, the movie is basically a wedding, a honeymoon, a birth and a rebirth. It’s padded to the extreme rate and we do have fighting involved but it’s minor enough that I don’t know what to think of it anymore. It’s just lame to use it that way.
As for the good parts, I find both the wedding dream sequence and the werewolf telepathic conversation as hilarious along with The Volturi’s post-credits cameo appearance since Aro (Michael Sheen), Caius (Jamie Campbell Bower) and Marcus (Christopher Heyerdahl) act a bit hammy and flamboyant which makes me wonder why the movie is more about them than Edward and Bella’s wedding and pregnancy blues because I’ll watch it.
I could also say Edward’s flashback sequence is a plus but it’s not seeing as Melissa Rosenberg writes it and the fact that I already mentioned Dexter which makes the flashback sequence kinda unoriginal. Then again, it is said to the director’s idea since Bill Condon directed Gods and Monsters and the movie focuses on James Whale’s day on the making of Bride of Frankenstein (which Edward watched during the flashback). Also, I haven’t read any Twilight novel so I don’t know if the back story is also written as well. Anyway, the movie is nearly pointless and nothing much really so it’ll be a while until the conclusion.
November 1, 2012 § Leave a comment
Over the weekend, I tried looking for a certain movie to fit in this Halloween season. I could go with any mockbuster flick or something else but in the end, I decided on a movie that I saw in a bargain bin and for a reason. Since I reviewed The Amazing Bulk months earlier, I do have a look at Lewis Schoebrun’s other works and found this for fifty cents so I decide to go for this one. It may not have actors having fun in greenscreen but oh man, this is as cheesy as it gets for a horror movie.
The movie focuses on Nick (Robert Adamson) whom after suffer the loss of his mother, he got her will which includes that she used to own a cabin residing in Lake Tatonka. So while he takes his girlfriend Jessica (Chelsey Crisp) and few friends, they did not realise that Dr. Felding (Ed Brigadier) and his two disfigured nurses are hiding there due to the fact that he has been doing killings for over twenty years which brands him a nickname known as “Dr. Chopper”. Meanwhile, Sheriff Terrell (Costas Mandylor) has been on the hunt for his trail but after twenty years, he has fallen to hard times due to the loss of his partner and wife.
So few more killings had occur and Nick reveals that he sends his girlfriend and few friends here on purpose because he already knew Felding is his father. Felding then discovers Jessica’s blood is the key to immortality (which is his actual reason for killing people) and Nick tried to stop his father from killing her but instead, he died. Jessica did manage to escape to the school where Terrell is there and the final showdown occurs with Felding stabbing Terrell but still survives enough to get him and the doctor is defeated. The movie ends with Jessica getting help as Terrell continues bleeding but will die eventually since of the doctor’s nurses still survives enough to give a movie ending jump scare.
The movie is not scary but it is hilariously bad. The acting ranges from good to really hammy (notably when it comes to Felding and Terrell), the story is predictable but enjoyable nonetheless and the design of Dr. Chopper is okay by me. Although, there are couple downsides to this. First thing to say about it is that sex themes in this movie. While there is characters making love, the actresses only do it in bras and I can understand the “no nudity” clause but it’s a horror movie with gores and languages, where’s the T&A portion of it? Just to note, there is still such thing as body double so did they even think of that?
Anything else is a minor subplot involving Leslie (Rose Swim) looking for her girlfriend Donna (Miranda Kwok) in the woods for few days. For that amount of time, she should have given her up and can start to cope with her loss but there’s the thing, she puts a missing person poster of her in a board full of other missing people. Now I can understand that she might be love-sick but really, a few days and nights in the woods without anybody else will simply get you killed. Eh, There’s also another minor subplot involving sorority girls but that one is the useless part of the movie.
So besides these two points, I still say the movie is hilariously bad so do check it out even if it’s not Halloween and stay out of the woods before Dr. Chopper gets you (or the Deadites and yes, I’ve seen Evil Dead remake trailer and is pretty good but it’s obviously not in the same spirit as the original).