Asylum Seeker: The Almighty Thor

May 6, 2013 § Leave a comment

Well, I’ve finally took my time to watch this movie and do wonder if this is worth the wait. I say that basically because it’s obvious that I have issues with mockbusters of superhero movies and I already said much of this before. What’s puzzling is that there’s more than one Thor mockbuster in existence. I’m not gonna explain much for the time being but do find it odd that Zachery Ty Brian of all people played the character in 2009 film, Hammer of the Gods. I’m not kidding here.

Thor 0

Well, I don’t know to say about Christopher Ray except that he is following his father’s footsteps. Being the son of Fred Olen Ray, he did make schlock favorites like Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, 2-Headed Shark Attack and Shark Week. Yeah, he did make few movies that’s nothing to do with Sharks but at least it’s not like how Fred does it with lately with movies when he went from Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers to Abner, The Invisible Dog but he did give us this following odd movie.

TwilightVamps

The movie begins in Valhalla as Loki (Richard Grieco) escapes from the pits of hell and brings mirth and mayhem to his former home. While chaos ensues, Odin (Kevin Nash) and his sons Thor (Cody Deal) and Balder (Jess Allen) as they travel to the mountains to meet with scantily clad witches or something. Nothing much happens before Loki caught to them and have a fight. Odin accidentally kills his son through Loki’s deception before Loki finally kills Odin. As for Thor, he just went into hiding with Jarnsaxa (Patricia Velasquez) before they traveled to Earth.

Thor 1

After arriving on Los Angeles, Thor and Jarnsaxa had their plans to get the hammer Mjolnir in a place known as The Tree of Life. Loki arrived shortly after and tries to find the two so what does he did for several minutes? He just walks in the streets with people walking pass and thinking “why is Richard Grieco looking like Lou Reed?”. He walks and walks before getting to them and Thor went to The Tree of Life and gotten the hammer. He returned shortly after and there’s few bland fights before Thor decides to not use the hammer and pulls on gun on him.

Thor 2

Loki got Thor and Jarnsaxa before he sends them to hell. He then goes to The Tree of Life and tries to bring destruction Earth while saying “Die Motherfucking Earth” which is the best dialogue in the whole movie. He brings his hounds to Southern California before Thor escapes from Hell and kills Loki. After being heralded a hero, Thor returned to Asgard and sees those witches (I’m not bothering with their names) and smashes something to prove to them that he’s the god of thunder and the movie ends.

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Despite few good parts, this movie is really boring and nothing much happens to Thor on Earth other than going chitty-chitty bang-bang on Loki in one scene. It’s basically what Beastmaster II is like if you use this plot and ditch away the substance so if a movie where Dar says “Asshole” is better than this then there’s some sort of issue here.

Beastmaster

As for the acting, I do like it that Richard ham it up in scenes while Kevin Nash tried to do something other than “Hey, I was Super-Shredder once” but honestly, Kevin himself looks bored in this movie. And Cody Deal as Thor? Not good since he acts more like Superboy Prime trying to redeem himself as a hero than the god of thunder because most of the time, he says stuff like “I am the god of thunder and I wanna kill Loki for killing my family” more than once. At least Patricia does an okay job but she’s probably gonna be forever known as Anck-Su-Namun in The Mummy movies or as Marta in Arrested Development instead of this movie. I got nothing else left so at least I finally watched this movie.

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