Asylum Seeker: Sharknado

August 14, 2013 § Leave a comment

What can I say about this? It’s a movie that caused massive tweets, several reviews and even released to minor cinema screenings a week after its television airing. There’s a contest involving the subtitle of the sequel. Well, it is quite obvious that it’s the most well-known movie by The Asylum to date so it’s about damn time people wanna see a movie that doesn’t caused a lawsuit from the people behind its blockbuster counterpart. So why am I reviewing something that’s already reviewed to death? Because I haven’t got around to a movie about Sharks… yeah.
Patton Oswalt

It’s funny that I got around to it yet since I had seen stuff like Jaws movies to Night of the Sharks to even that epic zombie-vs-real-shark scene in Zombi 2. I am familiar with the sub-genre really but why I haven’t got around to it is because like Sharknado, it’s been reviewed to death in lots of ways. Of course, there are a couple that barely got noticed so I might be looking into it in the near future but now, let’s skip my initial thoughts on the director and jump to this movie instead.


So the movie begins in the sea with a captain making a deal with a businessman but you know what? They’re basically the first victims when sharks and tornadoes hit so forget about them because they are useless. The movie then cuts to Los Angeles with Fin (Ian Ziering) and his australian buddy Baz (Jaason Simmons) enjoyed a bit of fun but then shark attacks in the sea and hurricane begins to unravel. Fin owns the nearby bar with his co-worker Nova (Cassie Scerbo) and “town drunk” George (John Heard) so the four decides to escape their town and find Fin’s wife April (Tara Reid) and his kids.

Steve Sanders

The group traveled and see some massive stuff. They rescued few people along the way and sadly enough, George became a victim in this. The three arrived to April’s house for rescue and I do laugh at the short appearance of April’s boyfriend Colin (Christopher Wolfe) whom is a jackass that quickly got killed by a flood full of sharks. I get that The Asylum intended this and really, this is hilarious.


Escaping from April’s house, Fin and the group then travels to flight school to retrieve his son Matt (Chuck Hittinger) but before that, Fin decides to rescue a school bus full of children and possibly a bus driver or teacher (whom is played by Cousin Oliver himself, Robbie Rist). The rescue worked but the teacher/bus driver got hit by a piece of a hollywood sign. Moving on to rescuing Matt and get a load of this but Matt knows how to stop the disaster by throwing a bomb to each tornado full of Sharks. Ladies and gentleman, this is the most ridiculous scientific method ever thought on film.

Steve 2
And it worked. Sure, Baz died by one of the falling sharks and Nova got inside the shark but it worked. Fin then decides to do something spectacular by using a chainsaw, going inside the shark with it and survived with Nova hidden alive inside it. Oh shit, I thought Ian as likable jock Steve Sanders of 90210 but never thought of him being a bad-ass.


This movie is dumb and hilarious so I’m loving it. When I got my into foray on reviewing movies by The Asylum, it was a rough start with The Apocalypse (which I still disliked) and looked how far it gotten. This is the company that really don’t give a fuck by making rip-off movies and schlocky monster flicks and I thank them for it. Ian Ziering is perfect in this and John Heard is alright but I’m sad he died within the first act.

John Heard

I am however mixed on Jaason’s character not because he’s an Australian but mainly because there has been namedrops in Australia that seems stereotypical like Kangaroos and Vegemite. I’m myself an Australian and really, don’t act like Paul Hogan or Yahoo Serious so we’re not all stereotypical about it (but the actor is australian so I give it that). I’m also mixed about the fact that this movie became first known as a poster that’s released days after Hurricane Sandy so yeah awkward (even to the fact that the movie calls the event “Hurricane David”). So above all that, this is worth checking out, I can’t wait for the sequel and do want to check out other of The Asylum’s Shark vehicles (besides 2-Headed Shark Attack which I already seen).


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