Seltzerberg-A-Thon Mark II: The Starving Games (Part 2)

December 9, 2013 § Leave a comment

On to the second part of the review now so no time ranting on something else. So Kantmiss is then hiding for her life by trying to climb up the tree… before she sees a ladder standing next to it! Visual Humor, you’re doing it wrong. But she got discovered by other players and is in danger while a streaker interrupts the game (don’t ask). She then sees Rudy (Eryn L. Davis), the other contestant hiding in the tree and Rudy points to the beehives above her so Kantmiss uses the chainsaw and gets it dropped into her instead of the players below. She survives but not before getting herself high from the beehives enough to become an Na’Vi.

James Cameron
Rudy then slapped Kantmiss few times and she becomes herself again but oh no, other contestants appear and as Rudy runs off, it’s her alone the group so what does she do? She decides to go all “Super Detailed Fight Narration” on us. Okay, I can see this as a parody of Sherlock Holmes of course but there is something missing like uh, Sherlock Holmes himself (and Dr John Watson). I hate to imagine somebody who has never seen Sherlock Holmes (and its sequel) going to this and get confused so fuck it, this might as well be the worst referential humor I ever seen so congrats Seltzer and Friedberg, you made a joke so bad that you two failed to explain the source material that you’re spoofing.

Boo These Directors
Following that, Marco caught Kantmiss and is about to stab her in the neck but the game has an halftime break. Yes, a game that involves people killing each other has a short break to rest and live for a little while. And what kind of halftime break is it? Well, it has clip show highlights that padded out the movie, twitter tweets that padded out the movie and dancing cheerleaders with pointy nipples that padded out the movie. The game is back on and Rudy then died but before she goes away, Taylor Swift appears singing about her death.

Taylor Swift
Meanwhile on District 12, Dale decides that he and his people decide to riot out after watching the game until a food commercial appeared and they all hunger for the food that could easily killed them more than Heart Attack Burger. The riot idea is then left forgotten and it goes to Kantmiss finding Peter hiding inside a cake… joy. They then finds a cave and stay there for a while but with tricks delivered by Seleca, Kantmiss and Peter gets it on and shag each other. It got Dale angry enough to gatecrash the game while the townspeople just stay and watch the fuckfest live in 3D (yeah, that 3D gag that was used in the trailer was meant for this instead of the Avatar sequence).

Censored
The game is near its end as Marco goes around the circle of a single tree with Kantmiss and Peter just two seconds behind him (well, it’s a joke so bad that it only works in an Looney Tunes cartoon). Marco caught them and the bloodshed is about to happen but The Expendables appeared and makes some shooting. And like all pointless parodied character, they die as Dale appears behind them and shoots it out with his own bullets. Kantmiss got angry on Dale’s appearance that she wants him to go away and he did. As for Peter, he is caught in the neck by Marco so Kantmiss decides to shoot him with a baguette instead of an arrow.

Starving
And it worked, Marco died by an baguette going towards his eye so it’s only two left so they win. Oh wait, the rules have suddenly change so as usual one of them has to die and Peter delivers his poisoned berries… which instead of them surviving like in the source material, Kantmiss kills him in cold blood. Yeah, you read it right so no imaginary sequel for Peter. The movie fades out and then fades back in with The Avengers making a pop culture reference joke cameo (and if you seen the trailer, you know they died so that’s that plus it’s obvious that Seltzer and Friedberg hates superhero movies so much that they keep killing any of them in their movies so that’s predictable and lame). The movie then has five minutes worth of blooper reel and finally finishes.

Cleaver
As usual, this movie sucks and is not worth checking out. Besides the referential part of the humor, other forms were used in a lame way and is not funny plus it’s filled with few parts of homophobic overtones, a bit of racism and a whole bunch of sexist jokes. These are the kind of guys who thinks Daniel Tosh is the king of comedy by making an rape joke towards one of the audience members.

T&A

And speaking of which, Product Placement is also used for humor especially when it comes to Seleca’s facial hair to sport an Starbucks and McDonalds brands but at least it’s not as glorified as the battle scene in The Man of Steel. The acting is bland and lame but they’re tried. The story is brief and crap. And whatever, you know how the shit goes. Now, given that their next movie Best Night Ever is releasing on iTunes this Boxing Day, I’m actually saving that one for sometime early next year so instead, I’m going to check some good stuff.

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