Asylum Seeker: Airplane vs Volcano

October 5, 2014 § Leave a comment

Well, I can’t think of anything Halloween related this month so I might as well look at bunch of movies by The Asylum that’s not part of the horror genre but falls in various places. Which reminds me, does Sharknado II: The Second One count as a horror film? I don’t know but for now, let me look at Airplane vs Volcano which surprisingly is one of the two movies released this year which has the “vs” in the title but with nothing to do with Megashark or any related monster at all. What’s the other one? I’ll get to it next week so for now, let’s just dig into Superman V Volcano: Dawn Of Airplane Justice.

Dean Cain
Now I would go to the part about talking about James and Jon Kondelik, the directors and writers involved in this and but I decide to change it up a little and get to the movie straight away. Besides, I haven’t seen any of their other works before this so moving on. The movie focuses on the passengers aboard Flight 7389 and one of them is Rick Pierce (Dean Cain). As the plane traveled within Kulula Rock which suddenly has small islands emerging that contains volcanoes, the pilots got killed by small volcanic rocks flying straight to the cockpit so Rick who has not much flying experience decide to take over. Also, one of the pilots switch the autopilot prior to his demise and for the rest of the movie, the plane literally goes around the loop.

While Dean spends the remainder of the whole movie just sitting in the pilot’s seat trying to fly the plane, we meet up with few other passengers including Landon (Matt Mercer) who knows about the volcano nature and tries to contact within the non-volcanic areas within wi-fi connection on his laptop, Jim (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) who’s pretty an alright US Air Marshall and Carlos (David Vega) who is basically the “Craig Toomey” of this piece. Yeah, we got a hilarious bad villain in this movie and just to note, I got a good nickname for him – Metrosexual Charlie Day – because really, look at him, he looks so much like Charlie Day.

It's Always Sunny Joke
So as Rick along with its stewardess Rita (Tamara Goodwin) tries to find its way for the plane to escape ground zero, there is indeed characters beyond the area. There, we meet Lisa (Robin Givens) as she goes to Niihau Joint Task Force Operation Center and warns Colonel Ryker (Mike Jerome Putnam) about the upcoming danger. Ryker acts like a G-Rated copy of Gunner Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket so much that he’s really a loud speaking fella throughout the movie. So while Ryker is skeptic on this, there is of course the base’s specialist Neil (Morgan West) who helps control the situation while he later found contact with Landon on the plane. Meanwhile, a shore beach in Hawaii got bombarded by speeding volcano ash killing its innocent civilians and with Robin giving the dumbest line I ever heard in an Asylum movie to date.

New Pompeii
Yeah, I was never kidding about that line at all. Back to Flight 7389 and as Rita press the wrong switch to make the plane lose most of its fuel instead of deactivate the autopilot program, Metrosexual Charlie Day decides to give a funny-but-bad villain speech that briefly works because Jim is quick enough to detain him to the toilet. And then a volcano fireball hits one of the engines and brace yourself for what I’m gonna say next. We have this guy Frank (Anthony Marks) who is a fiancée that decides to go outside of the plane and save other passengers by unclog the rock off the engine while being tied with a bunch of airplane seatbelts. And the thing about it is that the plan worked… that is until an other engine got hit by a rock, one of the belt buckles got loose and Frank got sucked into the engine. Other than that, good plan.

Speaking of volcano fireballs, a bunch of them hits the operation center with Lisa and Neil involved in the attack. They survived and did the similar stand-up pose style you’ve seen in Michael Bay’s Bad Boys. No really, that happened. Neil then decides to send a rescue plane (without colonel’s permission) and attempts to rescue few passengers in the cargo hold. They failed and the pilots died with those few passengers. It also led to Neil got in trouble but with the help of Landon’s connection which has other passengers making their “final” passages, the colonel has a change of heart and decides to save the remaining passengers. He then joins other soldiers on multiple fighter jets (and one more rescue plane) to do exactly that while defeating the big bad of this movie.

Speaking of big bad, we forgot about Metrosexual Charlie Day as he manages to escape the toilet, shoots Jim in cold blood and gone to the sea with a raft he took from Jim in the plane. He survives but only for like five minutes or less before the ocean boils up and flames on. Jim also died but slowly and in a sad way. Oh well, let’s back to fighter jets doing one thing they’re been doing – re-enacting the final flight battle from Independence Day! I was never kidding about the line delivery and the Bayesque pose so you think I was kidding about this? No, the last act is really lifted off from an Roland Emmerich movie and it’s so blatant that Dean Cain went from Robert Hays in Airplane! to Randy Quaid in ID4 as he has his family photo put on the flight instruments deck.

2012 Ice Age
The plane is breaking apart and few more passengers flown to their deaths but rescue has arrived and takes the remaining survivors but with the exception of Rick as he got attacked by a mini rock flown at him and one of the soldiers informed him to fly straight to the center of the volcano since they put explosives that could uh, kill the volcano! Okay, I’m no Volcano expert either so for now, I’ll go with that. And he died while many lived for another day. Also, we see a news footage in the movie that’s essentially a reference to another Asylum movie about volcano, Apocalypse Pompeii. I thought it was a mistake at first but upon looking on it… yeah, Apocalypse Pompeii is its sidequel.

News Broadcast
Overall, the movie is really, really dumb. It’s cheesy, unrealistic at times and hilariously bad. It’s really sad that Dean Cain took this role as a “pilot” who does nothing but fly the plane to survive. I swear that the directors shoot the majority of scenes involving him in the cockpit for a single day, that’s how weak it is. All other performances is bad but with the exception of Lawrence who’s pretty the only likeable character here, Mike for his over-the-top performance as the loud-toned colonel and David for being a cartoony villain.

Loud Tone
The story is really an hour and a half of a plane going around the circles that’s filled with volcano eruptions with few things thrown in including a piece taken from an 1996 alien invasion movie. If anything, this movie is best watched once and then be forgotten afterwards. Really, this is a bland disaster movie and nothing more. Now I have to look at the other movie and see it’s either a step up from this or not so until then.


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