Asylum Seeker: Four Play (aka Londonium)

October 19, 2014 § Leave a comment

This is gonna be a first for me since I am reviewing an Asylum film made in the time when it was trying to be a legit independent film company instead of the go-to place for mockbusters and cheesy monster flicks and yes, that’s how the company starts. From 1997 through 2005, The Asylum was making movies that are obscure by today’s standards like The Source to movies that have small cult following like Jane White Is Sick And Twisted. It was a different time and in all honestly, I only seen a few by the company that’s released at that time but dammit, this is hard to find (well, in my area) that I have to review the movie that I got from the interwebs.

Jane White
While this one is actually made by Sunlight Productions, it’s actually distributed by The Asylum and is listed as that on Wikipedia. And really, Fourplay (also known as Londonium) is definitely the oddest example to exist in the ever-growing list of the company’s films since not only is it directed by Mike Binder who’s still getting acclaimed works with The Upside of Anger and Reign Over Me but it stars Colin Firth who at that time also starred in Bridget Jones’s Diary. Yes, I’m reviewing an Asylum movie starring Mr Darcy himself (sort of but let’s just play along with that). And to top it off, Stephen Fry is also in this movie and that adds the mix to the strangest example that I brought up. It’s like having Adrian Brody cast in the same movie as Lindsay Lohan and Rob Schneider which sounds like a joke but oh shit, that casting choice is for real.

Blank Man
The movie follows american screenwriter Ben Greene (Mike Binder) who resides in London to write scripts for a sitcom starring Carly (Mariel Hemingway). While there, he befriends Carly’s husband and show’s producer Allen (Colin Firth) and has a relationship with show’s make-up artist Fiona (Irène Jacobs) before he got married. And then, Ben and Carly starts having an affair which results into planning for Allen to hook up with Fiona in a hotel room. Hijinks ensue… and it’s not much the kind of hijinks we are hoping for.

Colin Firth 1Colin Firth 2
Their affairs exposed and leads to Allen and Fiona getting married while Ben and Carly are having their happy lives, at first. You see, Allen and Fiona are having marital issues which leads to them seeing Nigel Steele (Stephen Fry) while Ben and Carly are facing their relationship issues while setting up a play that angered critics who attended there. Allen and Fiona are having their happy life by leaving to Rome after Fiona’s novel Londonium is a bestseller. Ben however lost Carly to David (Christopher Lawford), an agent who meets with actors never appeared in the movie like Freddie Prinze Jr. and Johnny Depp.

Mike Binder
This movie is truly a trainwreck that is almost unwatchable. While I don’t mind romantic comedies, this one is so bad that it makes Twilight a better love story. Yeah, I said it. Edward and Bella’s adventures is a better love story than this movie instead of the other way around. And since I brought up actors phoning it in on my last review, this one however is less of doing it for a paycheck and more of doing it as quick as possible so they could do better stuff after this. Sadly, this movie is the Movie 43 of romantic comedies.

Stephen Fry
However, there is few good parts in this movie. Very few good parts. One of which is scenes involving Stephen Fry but at the same time, I don’t know if he likes to act as a therapist who’s about to go on some sort of crisis or that he doesn’t reall enjoy being in this movie. I don’t know, I like Stephen so it depends (plus I brought up the “doing it as quick as possible” part earlier so it could really be that). Another good part is these following words that’s more strange than Colin Firth starring in a film by The Asylum and that is… Colin Firth doing an outdoor bar brawl. Yeah, I’m watching a movie where Colin goes outside the pub and throws some knuckle sandwiches to his buddies. I can’t make this shit up.

Colin Firth 3
Besides those, there’s a couple more but I won’t mention it anyway. While Mike is known to make couple of works that echoes the films of Woody Allen, this one is no Manhattan. However, it may be his Anything Else. Uh, this movie is so mind-boggling that I think I’m starting to regret this theme month’s idea. Hmm, maybe I should look into a mockbuster made by a different company instead… it has been a while since I look into a TomCat superhero genre so maybe that might cheer me up.

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