Asylum Seeker: Sharknado II – The Second One

October 29, 2014 § Leave a comment

On yeah, I’m reviewing a Sharknado sequel although that’s what I would have said if I don’t know the full package a couple of months ago. To be specific, I myself don’t mind so-bad-its-good movies that’s done in an intentional sense as long as it also comes off as an affectionate parody. However, when it comes to The Asylum, I am not sure if they know how to handle sending up themselves by heart. Yeah, I do know the company doesn’t give a damn about making bad movies but making bad movies that makes fun of itself? I do not know. There’s also the point where it might fall to the “recycled premise” trope and I’ve seen a few sequels that went to that direction.

Home Alone 2
So in essence, I don’t mind movies like Snakes on a Plane and The Amazing Bulk but do mind crap like Taintlight and The Hangover Part II. Also, isn’t Sharknado itself an send-up of the monster genre? It felt like it why bother making a sequel that’s a parody of the first movie that itself is a parody? Uh, I think I don’t want to talk about the body of work of one Anthony C. Ferrante at this time. I am not angry with the guy or anything, it’s just that if it’s either this movie or whatever else crap I could think of. And I thought of a back-up idea that I dread to look at sooner or later, it might more than later and I will keep that a secret but other than that, it’s better to review this movie than that one. Much, much better.

Best Night Ever
On to the movie we see still-divorced couples Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid). It’s at this point that Fin is a national hero (which makes sense) and April is a renowned bestseller (which doesn’t make sense but then again, so was Snooki being the same). As Fin noticed something on the wing, Sharknado starts up again alerting the passengers with April’s hand being bitten off, Wil Wheaton becoming a victim and Robert Hays reprising his role as Ted Striker (I think!) only to get sucked out with another pilot so it leaves Fin being a hero again and land the plane in New York. Oh, and Kelly Osbourne is a flight attendant because… just because.

How To Survive 1
Following the over-the-top credits (with a catchy theme), we meet up with Fin’s sister Ellen (Kuri Wuhrer) and her husband Martin (Mark McGrath) with their two kids Mora (Courtney Baxter) and Vaughn (Dante Palminteri) in New York. As Martin and Vaughn decide to go to baseball stadium, Ellen and Mora is having girl’s day out with Ellen’s friends Polly (Pepa of Salt ‘n’ Pepa fame) and Chrissie (Tiffany Shepis) by going to the Statue of Liberty. There, Ellen got a call from Fin about the oncoming event and get this, Ellen thinks the first place to hit is the baseball stadium… and is correct about the assumption. How does she know that is a good question but keep in mind, this is the same movie where Andy Dick played a police officer.

Andy Dick
As Fin leaves April in the hospital (with Billy Ray Cyrus as an doctor), Martin and Vaughn is having their good ol’ baseball time with Skye (Vivica A. Fox) and Bryan (Judah Friedlander). As Bryan decides to get snacks, he bumped into an former baseball player that’s played by Richard Kind. As the player gives a flashback baseball story, Fin is having a sweet Taxi driving time with Ben (Judd Hirsch) and I could think of Taxi jokes but I never seen the show. Also, no Independence Day references to both Judd and Vivica since I already mention the movie a couple of weeks ago so don’t want to come off repetitive in this case.

Jeff Goldblum
Fin appears in the Baseball stadium and got a kiss from Skye but isn’t Skye and Bryan a couple in this? Uh screw it, Fin then alerts his brother-in-law and others about the Sharknado thing that’s coming their way and well, it happened and with Richard Kind hitting one Shark with a baseball bat. Did he survive after that? I dunno but he’s never seen again. The characters end up on a train and nothing much so back to Ellen and friends as well, the Sharknado hits there as well killing Chrissie in the process. Meanwhile, April is trying to escape from the hospital for no reason. Maybe she hates the doctor or something.

Achy Breaky
Back on the train and there’s flood with sharks coming their way so what are they gonna do? Well, survive of course but it killed Bryan in the process. Meanwhile in an Subway station, we see Perez Hilton rant on the train time while we also get the most meta-fueled gag I’ve seen in the whole movie. It’s probably best that I’ll show you the joke and ruin it by explaining it so brace yourself for this following image.

The others escaped while Fin’s ass has been bitten by a mini-shark but he’s fine and oh boy, Judd Hirsch reappeared so it’s them going to Times Square to get weapons (and with Fin meeting up with his friend Vinny who’s played by Biz Markie). As for Ellen, Mora and Polly, they are still escaping the Sharknado (and a rolling Statue of Liberty’s head) so nothing much there. Back at the hospital and April is still escaping from that place… I don’t know what’s taking so long of course. Uh, Fin and the others are back in the taxi but the vehicle is sinking so what to do? Well, they get to the other vehicle and survive except Ben who died long enough for the lead singer of Sugar Ray to drop a “jumping the shark” reference… Joy.

Mark McGrath
They end up in the hotel and it only leaves Fin and Skye to eliminate an tornado by using a slingshot and makeshift bombs. It didn’t work and sharks are dropping like flies killing people including Polly. Oh yeah, Ellen and Mora made it to the hotel so what about April? Well, she finally escaped and with her driving a fire truck. So all of them reunited and gone to Empire State Building. There, Fin meets a mayor of New York (which is Robert Klein playing himself as the mayor so uh, The Postman reference to Tom Petty as the mayor?). But anyway, Fin has got his signature weapon and decides to make a big heroic speech enough for the survivors to get their own weapons and kick some shark ass… or fins… or whatever.

Fin and Skye has gone to the top of the building to avert three tornadoes become one by using a Freon to detonate while it being connected to the building’s lighting rod. Oh, and April appears with her weapon of choice. The plan succeed but it leaves Fin and Skye being caught in a tornado with a Shark killing Skye in the process and many civilians below killing one dropping shark after another. Fin survives and reunites with April while a shark is dropped near them with April’s severed hand in the mouth so Fin takes the ring off the hand and repropose to her. She said yes and the movie ends with fireworks, cheers and Matt Lauer and Al Roker surviving with stabbing the shark live on television.

Okay, I am conflicted by this. I can’t lie when I say that I did enjoy the movie but it has its problems. I mean, some of the celebrity cameos are not necessary and felt uninterested. I didn’t even mention Kurt Angle as a fire chief until now so yeah. The plot is basically similar to the last movie and with Ian and Tara caught in the same situation. Speaking of which, the plot is also all over the place. It jumps one main character after another and I am trying my best to give a probable plotline in this review. It’s bad enough that the first movie has a better story than this one since it’s straight forward and doesn’t come off as a jumbled mess.

Richard Kind
Honestly, it’s not as good as the predecessor but it doesn’t suck at the same time. I can take the self-parody sense as long as its done perfectly like Gremlins II: The Next Batch and not come off as anti-humorous “get it” approach like whatever crap Tim and Eric has been doing lately. I hope the third movie is nothing like this and I really do but I think that’s not gonna happen. So really, do check it out and try not to get confused by it or something. This ends my month of random Asylum movies with this one being a kind of cheating pick but do need something uh, Halloween related?!? I don’t know but thank goodness this ended… and now I have to go back to that RoboCop remake so yeah.

How To Survive 2


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