Seltzerberg-A-Thon Mark II: The Epilogue

November 30, 2014 § Leave a comment

So months before I reviewed Best Night Ever, I have discovered that Seltzer and Friedberg is gonna released another spoof movie Superfast! and around the same time, I have gathered a bit of further information that might surprise you. One of which is a trailer for this movie. Now you might think to yourself “there’s a trailer to another Seltzerberg movie? how come I didn’t hear about this and why do I even care anyway?” and yes, there’s a trailer for Superfast! which leaked to DailyMotion back in April of this year and did any entertainment news sites mention it? To my knowledge, No and I’ve checked. So whether you like it or not, I’m gonna present to you the trailer for the movie and it’s not a rickroll prank but if you watched it, you wish it is.

Well, I’m sorry if you have to see two minutes of it and I truly do. But since this is the first time I’m gonna review a trailer rather than the movie, all I have to say is… Really? Those are the jokes for the trailer? I think the part about the best moments seen only in the trailer doesn’t apply here. Even the trailers to their previous movies have at least a bit of something but this… you know what? Even if I didn’t write further points to this article, I am not gonna watch and review the movie and I do mean it because it’s beyond dumb. I don’t see this as weak sauce, I see this as weak sauce but with expiry date being passed way before it is released in stores.

Superfast Poster
But anyway, let’s move on from the movie for now and get to the first information I have gathered for this article. Now do you remember back in my Starving Games review that I want to interview them? Yeah, scratch that because somebody did that for me (and by phone no less). This interview piece that I’ve linked at is really something to be read since it really is informative and explains why they are so reclusive enough to keep making the worst movies in this generation. It also brought up their origins, their history and movies they never do like a Liberace biopic before Steven Soderbergh took the reign. Heck, they are even involved in one Van Damme movie back in the nineties. Did anybody know that?

Maximum Risk
Really, I have nothing much explain but do click the bold link above and read the interview for yourself. Now I would say that this brings me a newfound respect for the guys I hate but it hardly is that so let’s go back to the Superfast! thing and present you a different article… wait, actually let me present you to the following quote to the article and well, just read it.

“Jason and Aaron will drive audiences crazy with this latest parody. It’s a franchise that’s crying out for some high octane comedy collisions and these are the guys to get a speeding ticket doing it,” said K5 International co-founders Oliver Simon and Daniel Baur.

“These guys have no reverse gear. They probably don’t have first or second either. This is going to be one ridiculously funny ride,” added K5 exec Carl Clifton. [Source]

You know what? As much as I reveal to you one article that explains why they make movies, I brought up another article that explains why are they still hired to make those movies. Seriously, with the fucking puns? Either K5 International are dumb enough to not know that Seltzer and Friedberg are notoriously disliked or they are just dumb enough on itself. What I quoted there is not from an article by The Onion, I’ve fully checked and you could do the same itself but other than that, what in the fuck? Are they trying to find ways to have their company go bankrupt more faster than Franchise Pictures did.

Jake Novell
And that’s all the articles I did give you because it now made me thought of something that it made me pissed. Now the previous article was made this year and the trailer leaked around the time but both of those were done shortly after the tragic accident that claimed the life of Paul Walker (and his friend Roger Rodas) back in November 2013. Now I don’t know when this spoof movie ended its production and post-production stages, but all I want to know is – why is Superfast! still made even possibly around the time of Paul’s death? Why did it never get cancelled or be delayed before restarting as a different movie? It worked when The Biggest Movie of All Time 3D became The Starving Games so why did this new movie that spoofed the franchise which starred the late actor is still coming when even though it shouldn’t at all?

Biggest Movie Of All Time 3D
I know I’m not gonna get any answers to this. And given that, when I now think of Superfast!, I don’t think of it as a Seltzer and Friedberg movie anymore. Instead, I think of this movie as downright offensive and exploitive. You guys knew when there was a genre back in 1970s known as Bruceploitation, right? The genre that capitalizes on Bruce Lee’s death by having movies starring stars who look like the deceased legend himself? There’s a bunch of those and to me, this movie is really going to that level. This is really a “Walkersploitation” movie and not in a good way. And coming from Seltzer and Friedberg, I think the spoof ends with a character parodying Paul’s character Brian O’Connor getting killed in a “hilarious” way. You know something like that is gonna happen.

Disaster Movie
Seriously, Aaron and Jason not only makes fun of characters that are alive at their time for any of their movies but also make fun to the deceased as well. This goes from beating a dead horse to well, beating a dead human being. I am really disgusted by this. Other than that, I think Superfast! is really rushed because it’s not the only from them that’s gonna be released next year. There’s also Who the F#@K Took My Daughter? which is a spoof to Taken franchise. It happened once before with Meet The Spartans and Disaster Movie after all and really, the trailer kinda proves the quality (also the title of it so yeah, they’re literally making it as “Superfast” as possible).

So if you’re wondering why I’m not declaring Best Night Ever to be the worst movie coming out this year (even though it was first released online on the last week of 2013), this is the reason why – I’m declaring a “persona non grata” for these two and after this article, I swear to god that I’m not gonna watch or review their next movies as well as mentioning them even by hidden standards. I am also boycotting K5 International that is until they decide to fire and blacklist these two filmmakers from business.

I don’t know if that’s gonna happen but really, they make the worst kind of humor even if they know it, they keep doing it to get money and they even have no care and respect to anybody even if that anybody died while they keep making products. I’m not calling their movies “movies” at this point and I really regret reviewing their shit so Aaron Seltzer, you should have been an artist and stick with it. Jason Friedberg, you should have stick with History Major instead of following your father’s footsteps. But instead, you took the job that at once a respectful position and shove it to our face in a lousy way. Oh yeah, I know you’re gonna read my reaction because you have your lives but if you did, I have two words to say to you two – Fuck You. I’m officially done with this so with Christmas coming, I have to look for few movies or television shows or something else.


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