Asylum Seeker: Santa Claws

December 13, 2014 § Leave a comment

Given that I have a few regrets when I review whatever on my site, one of those regrets is to find any Christmas material. The reason for that is because when it comes to something like Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever, I thought it would be perfect to review at this time but I know it’s been reviewed to death within the first couple of days. And when it comes to something from my childhood, I might get lucky there but I might go ahead and review A Mom For Christmas. Then again, I don’t think I will review that one due to something that I will reveal later. Not this week though but before Christmas arrives this year of course.

Grumpy Cat
And to my surprise, I don’t think I ever reviewed a Christmas movie from The Asylum. There has been a bunch like Snow Globe Christmas and Love At The Christmas Table but other than that, I looked it up (which I shouldn’t since wow, some of my articles I look at has “embarrassment” written over it) and yeah, I only review something awful like an episode of The Nanny for example. So I may as well start with me reviewing a Christmas movie involving talking cats… no, not that one.

Talking Fat Cat
The movie starts with Santa Claws (John P. Fowler) doing his usual duties on Christmas by delivering gifts for the children but there’s one issue – he has gone to the home of Julia (Damoni Burkhardt) and a bunch of cats which he’s notably allergic to (one of which mentioned it before encountering Santa). As Santa sees one cat drinking milk on the table, a little mayhem occurs that wakes Julia up and witnessing him before he disappeared. Santa is also seen outdoors by Julia’s friend and neighbour Marcus Bramble (Max Baroudi).

Santa 1
Flashing forward to thirty years and Julia (now played by Nicola Lambo) is still living at her home with his son Tommy (Ezra James Colbert) and four cats. As Julia somehow doesn’t believe in Christmas, Tommy does along with Marcus (Evan Boymel) who went from Julia’s childhood friend to socially awkward Santa-obsessed stranger. The kittens – Patches (Jordan Bielsky), Hairball (Quinn Ljoka) and Mittens (Lauren Elizabeth Hood) – were causing a bit of mayhem at the house which leaves Julia to send them to another home. Tommy being upset decide to put the three in the box while writing a letter to Santa at night. Santa arrives and took the box to the roof before he fell as witnessed by Marcus.

The kittens decide to help save Christmas by delivering presents with the help of two reindeers – Prancer and Baxter (both voiced by Dylan Vox) – who talks like two 90s-era radical surfer dudes. No really, two reindeers talk like they’re Chip and Pepper. Tommy discovers Santa and puts him the house while Marcus went to play the “antagonist” card and try to get Santa as well as the mother cat Maisy (Marguerite Insolia). The kittens then deliver their first gift but it leaves one of them stuck in the tree before it fell over… and somehow the three put it back up despite it being sort-of ruined.
Christmas Tree
Santa then awakes and explains why he fell over along with explaining the cats are part of his many allergies. Julia woke up and hides on the stairs thinking he’s a home invader. Meanwhile, The kittens went to another house for Christmas delivery but are somehow caught by their worst nightmare – some obnoxious pigtail girl. They manage to escape though and then, montage of them delivering gifts. Later, they got caught in a near collision course with a plane that results the sleigh to be fall to a snowy fields while the reindeers search for them.
Julia then quits hiding and go a bit manic on her seeing Santa before she discovers he’s the real deal and runs away. As Santa and Tommy went to convince her to believe in Christmas again, Marcus is in the house and took Santa’s hat which leads him to wear it and sees images of the kittens having adventures. As he changes his tune, Santa finally discovers the kittens are helping Christmas and panic for a minute thinking the plan is not gonna work along with Earth going into chaos for some reason. Yes, in a time when people stopped believing in Santa, Santa himself thinks apocalypse is gonna happen if no gifts arrived on time.
Santa 2
Marcus decide to hack into the sleigh’s GPS system and tells the kittens plans to save the holiday with the sleigh having a rocket booster. Back at Julia’s home, Santa eats a piece of Peanut Butter cookie and oh uh, he’s allergic to Peanut Butter so it leads Julia took the syringe and kinda doing the Pulp Fiction moment. The kittens then arrive near their home and Marcus took them in his house. Julia, Santa and Tommy went to them and as Santa see the kittens, he throws a few big sneezes at Marcus. The Reindeers arrive, Julia rekindle her friendship with Marcus and Marcus decide to adopt the kittens. Santa went home and the movie ends with Marcus taking a picture of him and the other two.
Honestly, the movie is alright and harmless. It is perfect for kids and also for adults. The acting is fine, the storyline is well-put and the kittens played their cute role with a minor exception on that. You see, some scenes have talking cats without their mouths opened and other scenes have them with CGI mouths opened and let’s say Maisy talking is kinda bit creepy. Granted, her role is minimal and doesn’t ruin it. I thought I should also mention that one scene has Marcus finding a video cassette tape to record Santa’s sudden appearance and one of those videos he doesn’t want to tape over is Sharknado. Stay Classy, The Asylum.

So if you want a movie that’s the opposite of either that Grumpy Cat movie or Santa Buddies, this is a good alternative and is worth checking out. Now I got one down, two to go so next time, I’ll be looking at a Christmas movie that has a touch of English. You’ll see what I mean by then.


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