Asylum Seeker: Sharknado III – Oh Hell No! (Part 2)

July 31, 2015 § Leave a comment

Well, we are on the second half of the movie so uh, let’s see how Jedward contributes to the plot whatsoever! And their contribution is just the fact that April showing them the picture of Claudia and nothing else… this is the most unnecessary cameo in all of the unnecessary cameos ever. Fin finally reached to April and Bruce got killed (yeah, even WWE wrestlers – current and former – are immune to this). However, the rollercoaster has left Fin trapped and it rides off to the Twister ride attraction with Fin killing a shark in front of an oblivious audience. Fin escaped and is reunited with April, May, Claudia and Nova with Billy in the mix. Meanwhile in a cinema screening, George R.R. Martin is watching a shark movie before getting himself killed by one of the sharks.

George RR Martin
Fin and the gang decide the best hideout is the Universal Studios globe which kinda works in the sense that it flown to the top of a building. After the storm passed, May is taken to the hospital on the wheelchair while Fin has a solution to the storms from merging to each other which might destroy it – calling his father who works for NASA. And surprisingly, the father is than Colonel Gil as played by David Hasselhoff. So they took some NASA cars and travel to the restaurant where Gil resides in with his friends Lt Colonel Stylo and Major Caissier (Penn and Teller).

Fin reunites with his father and hatches a plan which is to go to space and drop some rocket fuel to the storm which in other words, it’s nuke it in the orbit. Yeah, I’m reviewing a Sharknado movie and I just used an Aliens reference for no apparent reason. Back to the movie, and they group arrived at NASA headquarters and meet up with Brian “Jonesy” Jones (Michael Winslow) about the plan. With nearly all fuel, Fin and Gil are going to take a flight into space. And since I brought up cameos while recapping this, remember that mohawk NASA guy that was in the news back in 2012? Yeah, he’s in this movie with Ray J (of all people) helping it out.

Ray J
As Fin is about to get into the shuttle, April runs up and confronts him about going to space. The storm arrives and long story short, April joins in the shuttle mission. The others are shooting sharks while becoming victims and both Claudia and Billy join in the shooting. The shuttle is off and Billy kissed Claudia before he falls victim as well. They finally dropped the fuel tank and the plan almost worked. Meanwhile at Today studio, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Savannah Guthrie and Natalie Morales all get killed by sharks. Yeah, let’s just go back to the main storyline as Gil talks to Rene (Bruno Salomone) over the phone and used a backup plan by having Gil go outside the shuttle by deploying the laser from a satellite nearby which works as weather clears up. And then the impossible became uh, more impossible as the shuttle is bombarded by sharks coming from the orbit.

Sharks In Space
Fin attempts to close the hate but too late so he uses a… lightsaber chainsaw to kill those sharks! And then a shark swallows April so Fin chases after the shark and as usual, he has gone inside the shark. The shark then falls to the orbit and by coincidence, it crashes near where Claudia and Nova is nearby. Fin escapes the shark and tries to get April and here’s another ridiculous part, as April uses her chainsaw hand to escape, she first gives Fin her new child. And then she got out, he named the baby after his father who’s now in the moon (how did he went there in minutes is a good question) and the movie ends with a cliffhanger moment as Fin, Nova and Claudia saw April possibly getting hit by piece of a shuttle but don’t worry, there’s a contest on whether she lives or dies. Oh yeah, The Asylum just use a “Vote for Jason Todd’s life” schtick there.

To be honest, the movie is not bad, it’s just meh. It is another movie using the same formula as the previous two with few new turns like going to space for example which I gonna admit, that third act is the best part even by the ridiculousness. And I don’t know how to take those out-of-nowhere and pointless cameos even with Michael Winslow not doing the sound effects. To top it all off, it is becoming more a feature-length product placement for Comcast (with celebrity cameos endorsing it just by appearance), Universal Studios and even NASCAR which really is these endorsement for this movie of what Seaworld is for Jaws 3D.

Tara Reid
Also, the cliffhanger with the April Lives or Die campaign, really? I bet that they gonna watch the fourth one next year to see what the outcome is and nothing else but hey, I could be wrong so I have not much care for it really. Overall, this movie is just slightly watchable and that’s about it. One thing before I decide to look in the comic next is that the movie has a promo for a monster disaster movie known as Lavalantula that I want to watch. Because seriously, it’s Mahoney, Jonesy, Callahan and Hooks together again and it’s not a Police Academy sequel, what could go wrong? I don’t know but I want to watch this movie badly now.


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