Clerks: The Live-Action 1995 Pilot

August 8, 2015 § Leave a comment

While I am still waiting for one show to return, I thought of taking a look at a television property that should have been… unreleased of course. Now we all know the legendary short-lived animated series based on Kevin Smith’s cult favorite debut Clerks but not many knew that it’s not the first time the movie has gotten a television spin-off. Shortly after the movie’s release, Touchstone Television decide to give a try on a live-action sitcom based on the movie and they made a pilot that not only is unaired but is considered a holy grail item to the public for many years. And earlier this year, somebody leaked it to a video-sharing network and everybody who wanted to see it has seen it. So to that person who leaked it,  I should thank you for making the fans of View Askew franchise load up their own pitches and forks and attempt to find your place.
And surprisingly, Kevin himself nearly put the infamous pilot for the 10th anniversary DVD but changed his mind because well, you will see why. Also, Brian O’Halloran and Jeff Anderson both audition for the part of Dante Hicks (yes, Jeff who played Randal in the movie audition for the part of his character’s friend) but it never happened. I wouldn’t blame them so instead you have Jim Bauer and some guy I never heard of taking the role of Dante and Randal. And to add insult, there’s no Jay and Silent Bob in this pilot at all.

The pilot began in the uh, Rose Market! Funny, it doesn’t look like QuickStop but hey, this is the first difference between the show and the movie and by its first second no less. So anyway, we meet up with Dante (Andrew Lowery), Randal (Jim Breuer) and… Todd (Rick Gomez) who’s eating his ice cream talking to Sandra (Keri Russell) about why she is tanned and why lotion causes cancer. then walks away when Randal puts on the lotion and pretends to melt like he’s the wicked witch of the west. Later, Dante is visited by his girlfriend Veronica (Noelle Parker) and he is having an overnight shift which results to change the planning of their date. And the plan is to watch the movie in Randal’s video store which includes Todd and Randal who’s spoiling movies to a customer.

And all of a sudden, Dante’s dad appears out of the store. The father talks to Dante about the job interview while Randal and Todd complains about the movie she is watching. After the father left, Dante notices and caught Ray (Bodhi Elfman) for stealing a six-pack in a dumb way. It wasn’t long before his old friend Cliff (André Nemec) appeared and causes a little commotion when Veronica appears. It leads to the date being sort-of ruined and Dante to make phone messages before he decides to call for a job interview which Randal is annoyed about.

Later on, Randal appears to help fix Todd up with Sandra while begging Dante to join in the action. Dante attempts to disagree because he doesn’t want to be hung over for the interview. And then suddenly, we cut to the video store having a party. Now why did that not happen when I go to my local video stores? As for Dante, he caught Ray stealing stuff in the store again and (in a more obvious way of trying to hide it). Ray explains that he’s getting the ice for a different party held by Cliff and he also brought up that Veronica is there. And as Dante walks out, he asked Cliff to watch the place.

Cliff 1
Dante then turns to Randal for help and he agrees but with also taking Todd away while he’s kissing Sandra. The three crashed the party and Dante asked Cliff to paint the tower which results to Dante and Cliff painting it. The police officer arrived and Cliff pull a “narc” on Dante. Veronica explains that Dante is immature and drops the spray can to an officer. Both Dante and Veronica is in the police car and reconciled their relationship problem. The officer decides to let them go and it ended the show with the three guys and Veronica watching a video of Cliff stealing stuff at the store.

Cliff 2
I can see why this is not worth picking up as a series. Okay to be honest, the pilot is not great but not awful at the same time. It’s really just a watered-down spin-off of the movie with the kind of humor that is later emulated in Two Guys, A Girl and A Pizza Place. The acting is there and not forced-in at all. While Andrew did try his best as Dante, Jim also did okay as Randal but honestly, he is better at Saturday Night Live and his stand-up comedy act.

Jim Breuer
Keri is fine as Sandra but it’s forgettable enough that she did went on to better things and Rick Gomez… well, I do have to wonder why they added him as third main character of the show for no apparent reason. If you wanna check the pilot for either curiosity’s sake or if you’re a hardcore Kevin Smith fan who just found out this has been unofficially released, well the video link is below but it’s better to watch the first two movies and the animated series instead of this so it’s your choice really. Hmm, come to think of it, I haven’t even seen Kevin’s latest movie Tusk yet so why am I not watching that one instead of this? Uh, I’ll get to it someday.


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