Asylum Seeker: The Zombinator

September 6, 2015 § Leave a comment

Well, I sort-of hinted this movie back in my review of Terminator: Genisys and here I am talking about this movie. I have rented it, I have watched it and I wrote a review about this… The Zombinator is simply not worth it, it really is not fucking worth it. In terms of mockbusters, this is one of the worst ones I have ever seen and well I have a legitimate reason to why I am hating this piece of shit – it’s more of a knockoff to George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead than The Terminator and yes, this is definitely my first time reviewing a fucking found footage genre. Oh yeah, I’m not a fan of the genre and haven’t been since before Paranormal Activity franchise.

Paranormal Entity
Now let me bitch about this movie’s director – Sergio Myers. According to his bio in IMDB, he’s not only a director but also an actor, a reality show creator, a former documentarian (why former? he’s still doing it actually) and claims to make a movie that’s a mix of Woody Allen and Sacha Baron Cohen movies… yeah, I can definitely see this movie being in the style of Ali G. He’s also an award winner for a documentary about Heaven’s Gate cult. Oh, and he’s also a rapper who goes by the alias of Pony Boi! His rap name is Pony Boi! Now I’m not sure if he’s a brony or not so I’m not ranting on it but that name doesn’t scream gangster rapping cred. Also, his company is 7Ponies Productions… I can’t really argue on that one.

Pony Boi
I don’t know if I could recap and sum up the synopsis on this one since really – it’s a found footage zombie movie involving a character known as The Zombinator who’s only about 25% of the whole movie. If you seen Diary of the Dead, then chances are you already know the plot on this one because it’s the same shit really. Okay, I’ll try but it’s not worth it really. It focused on a group of documentarians investigating on some legendary murder on their hometown of Youngstown, Ohio and they document anything right down to the wake of one of their friends who’s a soldier killed in Afghanistan. Patrick Kilpatrick appears…

Patrick Kilpatrick
Uh, again, Patrick Kilpatrick appears as The Colonel who is sort-of paying respects to his fellow comrade but he left at the time the zombie outbreak suddenly occurs. What follows next is endless scenes of random people getting killed except possibly few cameramen who’s making the footage. Maybe one of them is killed but I don’t wanna bother watching it again. However, there’s a hero known simply as The Zombinator (Joseph Aviel) who shoots zombies and save remaining potential victims and cameraman. The Colonel reappears later on with his other comrades and they are responsible for the outbreak with killing (and raping) other survivors. Also, The Zombinator used to work for them but you know, he’s playing the hero now.

Zombinator
I think I should stop there since I have no care for how it ends, oh The Zombinator did survive but this is quite literally one of the worst movies I ever seen. Now I now there is legitimately good found footage movies out there – The Blair Witch Project, Cloverfield and Chronicle are good examples but there is many, many bad ones that is simply just not worth it. It’s just bunch of movies recorded on cameras filled with jump scares and maybe some good visual effects but I am not a fan of this genre and this movie is part of the bottom of the barrel of found footage film library. There’s not much plot really, the characters are forgettable, the acting is improvised and it shows and the zombies are not really memorable.

Zombie
Joseph did an alright job as the title character but he really is playing a imitation of the iconic cyborg character. And Patrick Kilpatrick, why are you in this movie? Now it’s not because I already liked his performance in Gamebox 1.0 but he is a legitimate good actor who’s typecast as villains – look at Class of 1999 and Under Siege 2 and you can see that he did act his way into it. Heck, I remember he was one episode of The Sarah Connor Chronicles so how he went a good show to a bad movie that’s almost about the Terminator? I don’t know but speaking of Gamebox 1.0, whatever happened to Nate Richert?

Nate Richert
Well, that happened. Look, if you like Found Footage movies, fine but don’t watch this because it’s a mess through and through. If you like movies that are so bad it’s good, it’s not there. There is a scene involving one female character saying the guy looks like the Terminator before the guy next to him mentioned that she’s gonna die shortly because of the comment and that is simply the only memorable scene in the whole movie. Uh, fuck this movie and I’ll just watch Genisys again instead and Patrick, this movie is beneath you. It really is beneath you.

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