December 13, 2015 § Leave a comment

Alright, I’m getting set to take on Lavalantula and you guys have no idea why I might be ecstatically happy about this. I’ve been a fan of the Police Academy franchise since I was a kid and I saw those seven movies (yeah, that includes the awful Mission to Moscow) and some episodes of live-action series and really wanted to see a reunion movie so this one is pretty much as close as it gets. And to add something pretty nostalgic, Patrick Renna of The Sandlot fame also stars in this movie and why not? I already brought his brief cameo up in Gamebox 1.0… come to think of it, I actually didn’t.

Patrick Renna
So who better to combine spiders and volcanic lava in this monster mash-up but none other than Mike Mendez who already made a spider monster movie known simply as Big Ass Spider! He also did other movies before this which to be honest is not worth mention except he did a spoof of Independence Day known as and this is no joke… Bimbo Movie Bash! Yeah, he parodied a movie best known for Will Smith punching an alien that he sees for the first time under that title. I got nothing to add and have to wonder why he went to that title. But I have to see how this one fares.

Bimbo Movie Bash!
The movie begins with Colton West (Steve Guttenberg) who’s an washed-up actor facing his usual problems – assault charges, conflicts with the director and issues with his family. However, when a volcano erupts while he’s stuck on the freeway, Colton is now alerted and decides to go from 90s B-Grade action hero actor to literal action hero and he wants his wife and son safe from the chaos that involves giant-size volcanic spiders invading Los Angeles. He first decides to hitchhike a tour bus (while leaving the driver to possibly die) and with Chris (Patrick Renna) as one of the passengers.

Guttenberg Acting

While his wife Olivia (Nia Peeples) discovers that her psychiatrist friend Doris (Leslie Easterbrook) died after encountering the spiders before using various “prop” weapons to kill spiders, his son Wyatt (Noah Hunt) and his friends are surviving from the dangers but one by one suffers the spiders attack. Colton and Chris later escapes the bus (along with other passengers) and team-up to survive but back to Olivia as soldiers stormed through the place and rescues her. Colton and Chris meet up with Pirate Jack (Ralph Garman) and they try to survive… and then, this happened.


Well, the crossover cameo was over in less than a minute and after that, Colton, Chris and Pirate Jack escapes with Jack’s car but the ride is short-lived so they decide to hide out in the museum. They encountered Dr Erik Von Struebel (Time Winters) who explains why there’s volcanic spiders around. Meanwhile, Olivia survived more spiders invasion as the soldiers got killed one by one. Back at the museum and Pirate Jack became spider snack before the three escapes with the building exploded. The chopper arrived with Chris and Dr Erik parting ways with Colton as he continues finding his family.

Ralph Garman

Olivia however found Colton with her driving the army truck and they both gone to find Wyatt who is surviving the chaos. They arrived to him in time as Wyatt tries to kill a spider with a fire extinguisher that’s losing nitrogen. The spider died and Colton figured out nitrogen is a good source of stopping those spiders. This leads to them going to film studio with Marty (Michael Winslow) and Teddie (Marion Ramsey) hiding out along with others. They are making their plans to stop the remaining spiders which cuts to Colton, Marty and Teddie shooting spiders (all while Michael brings his sound effects gimmick while going ecstatic).

Colton then goes solo while ditching the two and Michael continues the gimmick while imitating as William Wallace in Braveheart. Colton then shoots few spiders in the rooftop before he decides to don the suit of his world-famous Red Rocket character and complete with jetpack while stopping the biggest spider of them all. And the plan worked as Colton West became Los Angeles’ greatest hero and the movie ends with both Marty and Teddie becoming self-aware by predicting a sequel to come along. Now this movie is cheesy and fun with familiar cast as always and… I hope and really hope it doesn’t suffer the same dreadful self-parody sequelitis fate that Sharknado is getting.

Heart Of Sharkness
It is worth checking out and probably one of SyFy’s good movies to come around in a long time. It knows how to send up the Hollywood lifestyle and not come off in a lousy shallow parody way. Mike did a good job even if he made two monster movies involving Spiders so far so yeah, there’s a bit of one trick pony there but hey, I will check out the sequel and who knows who would pop up there. Maybe G.W. Bailey, George Gaynes and Bobcat Goldthwait will be part of the cast so now, let’s move on to… that Christmas movie that I am dreading to review! I should have chosen another awkward Christmas episode of a television show instead.


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You are currently reading Lavalantula at The Ludovico Technique.


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