Janu-Fahey Month 2.0: The Eden Formula (aka Tyrannosaurus Wrecks)
February 8, 2016 § Leave a comment
So to get past the cheesy made-for-television movie that is Every Woman’s Dream, it’s now time to get to the other cheesy made-for-television movie which is The Eden Formula or according to the copy I have, Tyrannosaurus Wrecks. And oh boy, I don’t know how it took this long to tackle a dinosaur movie. I always wanted to review a movie that involves a dinosaur to be honest but I don’t know why it took this long because ever since Jurassic Park hits the scene, we have stuff like Carnosaur, Prehysteria! and a bunch of Asylum movies like 100 Billion BC which I brought several years ago but have yet to see it.
Now I would bring up the director of this piece but for now, I’ll save that until later because it’s a good way this time. We open the movie with the weirdest knockoff of Superman opening credits ever with the city lights being heavily blurred to make it look like it’s a million lens flare. Over at Calgorin Industries, a security guard got shot by a home terrorist member whose villain catchphrase is “Smith and Wesson” and he along with the other local terrorists are following the leads by James Radcliffe (Tony Todd). Within the building, both Dr Harrison Parker (Jeff Fahey) and his friend Rhonda (Dee Wallace) are just hanging before they noticed that their cloned pet project escaped the cell – the pet being a motherfucking T-Rex.
They also find out that the building has been hacked by Radcliffe’s team with the worst computer screen ever. Outside the building, the T-Rex goes on carnage in the streets of Los Angeles which has not many people panicking since it’s night and a bunch of civilians are asleep or doing something else. It still didn’t stop the dinosaur from killing some people that’s awake (including turning off the radio in a petrol station, yes, dinosaurs can apparently do that). Also, the T-Rex spots a fake T-Rex in the park and eats a janitor after the janitor discovers the dinosaur’s poop.
Harrison and Rhonda discovered the only surviving security guard Riley (Don Luce) and they all attempt to escape but oh no, they are caught by one of the terrorists in the stairs so Harrison kicks his ass and kills him by stair-fall. Back to Radcliffe and his team and they got one of the building’s workers Miss Revers (Paula Ficara) captive because they want the formula. It didn’t take long before the group found out about their member’s death and it leads to a shootout. Back outside and we have Officer Pattison (Sarah Elbert) finding the building suspicious after encountering one of the terrorists dressed as a security guard earlier. So what does she do? She talks to her mother on the phone.
The alarm has been sounded and the T-Rex heard it so he goes back to his former home while banging his head to the wall again. The dinosaur drew notice to Radcliffe’s team and he eat two of the member’s head while Radcliffe throws a knife at Miss Revers’ head and kicked Harrison’s ass before the dinosaur escaped again. Rhonda also escaped with Officer Pattison but the officer became another victim to the dinosaur and Rhonda escapes in the cop car all panicking and stuff. With Harrison and Riley captive, Harrison noticed Radcliffe and shocker of all shocks – they knew each other before.
While Rhonda is contacting the only cop in charge (and also a 911 operator) who doesn’t believe in the dinosaur escape, we then cut to a random drunk guy talking to another guy at the bus stop before the T-Rex appeared and killed that drunk guy (the other and people within the area escaped at least). And then, a long sequence of a movie-within-a-movie with a female cast member fighting other cast members in the alley before the big bad appears which leads her to flub her line that enraged a manic director. The filming became halted when the dinosaur appeared and eat the director. I wish I was making this shit up as I go along but this is actually in the movie.
Rhonda tries calling the only cop in charge again and same thing happens but back to the dinosaur rampaging the LA streets with the only security guard go on a suicide mission by getting out of the trailer and shoot the dinosaur before he died which is really something. Again, I wish I was making this up. Rhonda then used the cop siren which immediately has robbers stealing the stereo run away… and Rhonda steals the stereo herself but for a good reason. And with Harrison and Riley still captive, Radcliffe did the bad thing by stabbing Riley in the hand but Harrison manage to escape with Riley so whoops.
Still ravaging the almost-empty streets, the T-Rex smelled somebody smoking so the smoker became another victim while a limo near him crashes to another car. But enough of all that, Riley is revealed to be a traitor and Harrison knocked him out in the toilet and that’s before he burns the formula and other evidence so Radcliffe can’t get into it. Riley did eventually get awaken and knocks Harrison out though. It later became morning and some guy noticed the T-Rex and is about to become another victim but Rhonda returns by setting up multiple stereos and a dynamite to attract the dinosaur’s attention which worked.
With Harrison, Radcliffe and his remaining team on the outside, it leads to a battle between Harrison and Riley. The fight ends with Radcliffe becoming the last victim as Harrison escapes with Rhonda and the building explodes with remaining dynamite (how did she get it is a good question) ending the movie that way. Okay, this is quite possibly the most, hilarious batshit insane and very bad Dinosaur movie that I have ever seen and I am so laughing my ass off for this one. This is really one that must be seen to be believed and all thanks to the director which I’m about to bring up now.
The director in this is John Carl Buechler and he already is notable for genre work back in the 80s and 90s. For one, he’s the guy who directed the first Troll movie… Oh yeah, he’s the guy whom is unintentionally responsible for starting a loose franchise that includes a more notoriously bad sequel known as Troll II as well as giving the name of a lead character Harry Potter before J.K. Rowling became a bestseller. He is also responsible for Friday The 13th Part VII, Ghoulies III, The Dungeonmaster (well, as one of the four directors) and Watchers Reborn as well as make-up and special effects work plus I should point out that he also wrote the movie so you can tell he knows how to make a B-movie since he’s well-known for that field since the eighties.
And it brings us the story. I mentioned that Every Woman’s Dream comes off as a bit schizophrenic in terms of switching genres but this movie switches stories so much that I didn’t mention other stuff going on. It’s being criticized for boring plot and I can see that it drags on a bit but with the low-budget dinosaur appearance (which was notably lifted from Carnosaur) and few other questionable WTF moments, it makes up for it. Jeff is good in this movie but the person who generally tole the show is Tony Todd since he acted so serious and not half-assed that he knows he’s in a bad movie and don’t give a fuck. He’s really better than anybody acting in this movie including Jeff which I really have to admit.
Dee Wallace is also good but mostly on the hammiest acting part imaginable. She may be several years away from E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial but she chewed the scenery so brilliantly. I may say the same for Don Luce since he started off as a bumbling security guard but did a villain heel turn and became another antagonist. This movie is worth checking out if you like Birdemic or Neil Breen’s Double Down, it really is that bad that is also laughable and hypnotic at the same time and that is enough of me to say about this so four movies down and four to go.