Southland Tales: The Cannes Cut

June 14, 2016 § Leave a comment

Okay, I’m at the point of reviewing something I already reviewed before but in a way, I didn’t do it justice and it’s start it off as a review back then but it then ended with a shoehorned shameless plug to a review on a different site. Granted, I did express my thoughts and talked a bit about it but do keep in mind that this was around the time where I condensed my past reviews as a rushed product. So with that, I’m looking at Southland Tales again but this time in a twist. Instead of looking at the theatrical cut, I’m taking a hand at the “Cannes Cut” of the movie that got a massive backlash at the festival right down to Roger Ebert declaring it the worst screening since The Brown Bunny.
The Brown Bunny
And if I have to look at the movie in a presumed new light, I have to talk about Richard Kelly since back then, I hardly talked about him. Honestly, he should have been one of the most high profiled filmmakers today but after this movie and The Box, he does hardly much and tries again and again to go back to his glory days that is Donnie Darko. I really like the guy and wish he could have done better (and I don’t mean a failed collaboration with Eli Roth) but sadly, he didn’t and we instead live in a universe where Donnie Darko got a sequel that involves Jasper from Twilight headbutt that guy from Gossip Girl.
S Darko
I already brought up the synopsis on my previous review so this time, I give a recap before I explain what I think of the movie in today’s perspective. Taking place in an alternate universe where El Paso and Abilene were attacked by nuclear bombs, the movie focuses on Boxer Santaros (Dwayne Johnson), an action star who has political connections with his wife Madeline Frost (Mandy Frost) but he also is in an affair with former porn star turned reality show icon Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar) which is only a small part of a bigger story on itself.

Krysta Now
Meanwhile, Officer Roland Taverner (Seann William Scott) is reluctantly working for a Neo-Marxist Group to bring down the Frost family and the agency known as US-IDent that they are in charge of and the reason he is working for them is because they captured his twin brother Private Roland (Seann William Scott), all within a few days of surreal trip to Los Angeles that is heading for an apocalypse that is foretold in a screenplay that is written by Boxer himself and its actions that includes time travel, Justin Timberlake miming The Killers and Kevin Smith being a long-lost member of Duck Dynasty. It’s funny that I’m reviewing this movie again… sort of!
Amy Poehler
Now again, I don’t want to give out the plot synopsis since it is honestly a confusing piece to explain and I honestly do wanna explain what is going on, I truly do. But the best point about this review is not me talking about the plot this time but instead to explain how I viewed this extended cut that may as well be differed from the theatrical cut. And I am serious to say this but the “Cannes Cut” is really a preferable cut to watch. Granted, it still has its flaws and is nonsensical like the other cut did in some case but I liked this version enough that I wanna watch it again. That, and I can see why Richard has made this movie now because it does has its Philip K. Dick and David Lynch influences here and back then, I was just half-assing it to think that’s cheesy and dumb but it’s not now.
The Policeman Said
And is there differences in this cut? Well, the only one which is the intro scene which improved a bit but the additions is only at the point of why I can see this being cut. The scenes involving Jeneane Garofolo is really her working for Kevin Smith’s Simon Theory character and that’s really about it. She’s just there to be a usual military working drone and not much is added.

There is also couple of other minor additions including one scene which I do have to admit is in my words, the greatest deleted scene from a notoriously divided movie ever and I’m just gonna screen-cap a part of this scene with this quote involved.

Boxer Santoros
I get that it was cut because it’s a cheesy, unnecessary sequence but it got so much a chuckle out of me that I wish it was in the theatrical cut. So to end this review, I am saying to those to seek this version of the movie out but only by online standards since it’s not officially available and give it a watch just to know if you still like it or dislike it. And lastly, do come back Mr Kelly and hope you make something unique and new the next time around.


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