Sharknado 5 (Pre-Review Announcement)

August 7, 2017 § Leave a comment

Today is the day Sharknado 5: Global Swarming airs on SyFy and while I have yet to watch and review it, I thought I should make a Pre-Review announcement regarding this movie and the franchise itself and the announcement is a hard one but I must say it so the news about it is this, I think I’m retiring myself from reviewing the franchise after this movie and for a number of reasons that I hope it’s understandable.

While I’m trying not to go repetitive on what I said before, I mention a bunch of times about my dislikeness that Sharknado is becoming a parody of its genre but I do have understanding on it thanks to me looking at Sharknado: Feeding Frenzy. However, I now felt that the parody route they are going for is way overexposed and repetitive on this. I honestly thought it was having three movies but the fourth one is kind of pushing it and now we have a fifth one and possibly more.

There’s more to parody route and again, it goes to overexposure but this movie is already known for being a celebrity cameo deathpool. The first movie kind of have it with Cousin Oliver being the first case and then we have a sequel that includes Kelly Osbourne, Robert Hays, Perez Hilton and even Jared Fogle fallen to their sharkbites. Everybody who’s famous, infamous or formerly famous wants in the action after it and it is really getting sad. While not seeing the fifth at this time of writing, I found out Nichelle Nichols, Chris Kattan and Today Australia’s Karl Stefanovic is in this. Seriously, Karl Stefanovic? The guy who he himself said that he’s the Donald Trump of Breakfast TV? Uh, fuck this shit.

The third point is that the franchise is really losing steam and while the fifth now focuses on Sharknadoes throughout the world, I have to wonder what point is there to this? The third one has peaked when Fin, April and Gil going to Space so what is there to go beyond it? Uh, I do also heard that the fifth one might involve time travel or something so I’m not sure but then again, I do find it obvious that it’s coming since when I watched 2 Lava 2 Lantula, there’s a scene where Kyle discusses the craziness on Florida and he heard news that makes Florida Man blushed including a story involving a time machine. An guy who was an intern to Colton West mentioned time machine as a Florida story so I don’t know, I expect the sixth one now to be called Sharknado 666 and that the plot reveals that Lucifer is responsible for the continuous Sharknado craze. I might be wrong but if not, then it means that The Asylum has read my shit and that I think I need to go in hiding after that assumption.

Last point and this is hard but I’ll explain it. I like bad movies as much as the next guy and I’m a sucker when it comes to movies by Ed Wood, Uwe Boll, Tommy Wiseau, Neil Breen and so on. And when it comes to Sharknado, it makes me delay my time reviewing each one because honestly, I have low-to-no expectations and whenever I decide to go watch this one, I immediately change my mind and watch something else instead many times. I’m only a fan of the franchise when it comes to the first movie and Heart of Sharkness. Heck, maybe the first sequel as well but anything else is really getting me annoyed and  not amused that I am surprised that this franchise is still a thing.

So I do apologize if I might not review the sixth one next year but do keep in mind that I never say never in any case and somewhere down the road, I might look into the movie beyond 2018 and anything left in the franchise that shouldn’t exist. Heck, if Jeff Fahey or Nicolas Cage or Bruce Campbell is involved in the next one or later, I’ll might go back to it but it’s my site and I’m putting my foot down on this one. So in a week or two, I’ll look into the fifth one and with no delays and whether I’ll like it or not, it depends but I am losing my interest more and more on this series and wish to move on so uh, this is my say on the matter so hope you understand.

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