Janu-Fahey Month: Sushi Girl

Okay, so I’m ending this month on an extraordinary note because for one thing, I’m actually been preparing to look into this film for a long while and it’s not just because it stars Jeff Fahey but well, let me throw you some names to see what I mean. Mark Hamill, Michael Biehn, Danny Trejo, James Duval, Shin’ichi Chiba, Tony Todd and Noah Hathaway of The Neverending Story fame. Pretty interesting way to set up this kind of cast and it’s thanks to the guy who has made short films before this one. It’s not the ones I know but I do now know one of them is called Porntourage so eh, what the fuck?

But anyway, Sushi Girl is the first feature-length movie from Kern Saxton that’s released in 2012 and with this amount of cast, it should have been called “Cult-Favorite Expendables” instead. He also has his own company called Saxton Cinema which includes such films that’s coming soon like The Hard Court which he is currently directing and Stanley Kubrick’s Moonshot Odyssey which oh shit, take my money even if that means you bringing back Kubrick from the dead. You know what? This year has gone to a good start and I’m intrigued by Sushi Girl so let’s see how this pans out.

The film revolves around Fish (Noah Hathaway) who served his time after five years in Prison. However, he is gonna face a different kind of music when he got invited to dinner by his boss Duke (Tony Todd) who thinks Fish knows where the diamonds are after the heist that sends Fish to prison. Duke has also invited his friends Crow (Mark Hamill), Max (Andy Mackenzie) and Francis (James Duval) as they eat the sushi off a naked girl while interrogate and torture Fish before he died before giving answers that he never had.

Fish’s death unravels the other guys to turn on each other with Francis being secretly a narc who wants to get out and Crow being angry at Max for his anger attitude. All but Duke died with Duke himself thinking on taking the unnamed sushi girl along but this movie has a twist. The girl (Cortney Palm) is revealed to be a widow and witness to her husband’s death when Duke shot him six years ago after their van crashes on her vehicle. As for the diamonds, it’s being ripped off the bag that Fish took and left it to the girl who builds up her revenge on Duke as he eats a piece of Fugu which paralysed him before she shots him in the head.

This film is kind of okay but have problems I should talk about. First, the good thing about this film is that it has an excellent cast with Tony and Mark giving them all and their performance is more memorable than others here. Tony is being as sinister as he can be and Mark goes hammy with a Paul Williams look. And given that this is a Jeff Fahey film, his performance is small but memorable since he appeared as one of the guys Duke and the boys took the diamonds from and his acting is ballistic with Michael Biehn and Danny Trejo involved before their characters get killed. It may be a small part but I do see it as three actors from Robert Rodriquez films being a team to each other.

The story itself is fine but felt very Tarantinoesque. It is kind of like watching that torture scene from Reservoir Dogs being remade as a full film with few flashbacks and a surprise twist. And oh boy, here comes the bad parts of the film. I mention the movie is Tarantino-like and while I command this movie for being an homage, I also didn’t like it as well and I’ve seen a bunch of films that imitates the filmmaker’s style that went from good to bad and this one is kind of middle.

The other fault is that the homophobic nature towards Andy’s character (and maybe Noah’s as well) since Max keeps throwing the F-word towards Crow whose sexuality is ambiguous but both Max and Crow hate each other from day one plus the characters are designed to be antagonistic and unlikable so maybe that’s the point. Still, it is jarring and in this day and age. So this movie is only worth checking out if you like Tarantino type of films but there are problems which I already talk about so it’s your take on how the movie is over mine.

Janu-Fahey Month: Cold Heart

While it is obvious I became a fan of Jeff thanks to Lost, I went on to look whatever movie he stars in and find some surprising gems here and there. And oh boy have I found a gem for you. So today I’m looking at 2001’s Cold Heart which is an erotic thriller that stars not only Jeff but also Nastassja Kinski and Josh Holloway. Oh yeah, I’m watching a movie starring Jeff Fahey and Josh Holloway and this is a few years before Lost hits television so one has to wonder if Jeff is cast on the show because of the guy who played Sawyer. It might be possible but hey, I didn’t honestly expect to look into this until recently.

And is this movie worthy to look at its director? Uh, not really. You see, Dennis Dimster has done stuff but not memorable unless it’s Double Identity starring Val Kilmer. He also directed several episodes of Desire and Wicked Wicked Games which are the two shows I never ever heard of. It’s usually common so what else to say about it?

The movie begins with Sean (Josh Holloway) telling a story about how he got to prison and we flashback to the point in which he got arrested after holding his “girlfriend” hostage which leads to a neighbor nearby hitting him. While in custody, he gets a visit from a Dr. Phil Cross (Jeff Fahey) which leads to Sean getting released and looking for a job but being a psychotic maniac he is, Sean found one which belongs to Phil’s wife Linda (Nastassja Kinski).

Linda was having marital problems with Phil always on his job and possibly cheating on her so Sean decides to play his game and make Linda fall for him which of course she does. Their affair is short-lived as Linda admits to being a mistake and found out her husband was actually trying to buy a cottage she likes hence the reason he’s mostly absent. But Sean can’t get over it and becomes more obsessive on her which includes stalking (which he kinda already did before they fall with each other) and so on.

Sean puts Linda’s friend Julia (Hudson Leick) hostage in order to find out where Linda is and both and Julia went to the cottage where Phil and Linda is staying in. But there’s a twist, Phil is a mastermind into having Sean being obsessive with Linda and he’s secretly having an affair with Julia… which he kills after finding her in the car! Uh okay. The game ain’t over yet as Phil finds his wife in the woods and was about to strangle her but Sean arrives to stop and stab Phil. Linda then pulls a gun on Sean and shoots him which I thought he died but the movie then cuts back to the present with him in prison talking to his prison buddy about Linda.

This film is fairly okay and is a usual erotic thriller that you can see being a direct-to-video release. Jeff is fine and Natassja does well but Josh Holloway kinda steals the movie as he’s being a psychotic dick. I do like him better as Sawyer but the way Josh acts is him chewing the scenery even when he attempts to act normal. There’s a few distractions like some scene cuts to bright light which might not be suitable for those that have seizures and the ending twist is almost out of nowhere. It is hinted at but hey, I do see it coming. So yeah, I like this movie but not enough to watch it again anytime soon.

Worst Of 2018

You know what time it is so before I get to the list, I do say that 2018 is indeed not a good year. Mind you, it’s not a bad year as well (except the first month which is personal enough to not discuss here) but it’s really a so-and-so year so let’s me what is there to ignore and forget in the coming years.

Worst Albums

America By 30 Seconds To Mars – Jared Leto, what happened to you? I used to like the guy but after Suicide Squad, he became disliked to the point that he tries to be as pretentious as Kanye West and Johnny Depp and this album is a good pinpoint on why he’s like that. Back when 30 Seconds to Mars explode to the scene, it was a bit of fresh air since he and his band came around the time when Emo genre dominate the charts and since the relevance of that genre became minimal, the band decide to range into other forms of rock which is good… until they decide to follow the style of Imagine Dragons and this is when this album goes terribly wrong. It’s not really a worst album but it’s not good, it’s weak, generic and overly pretentious.

I do give one point about this – his brother Shannon should do a solo project at some point after listening to Remedy which on one hand is the worst song of the album but on another hand, his voice is needed for something better like a solo album or something. Oh well, what is there to say about this album that is so polarizing that one of its members quit the band a couple of months after it came out?

MANIA By Fall Out Boy – And speaking of Emo, I was a fan of Fall Out Boy before they broke up. But since they came back together, it’s just not the same and they dump in one bad apple after another before we get to this album which oh god, I was totally not prepared for this. This does have the honor of being one of the worst albums coming out this year and there’s no defending this one. I also want to include Young And Menace on its worst song list for this year but if I did, its spot would become its own big article in which I mention nonsense after nonsense to the point that my words is better than this “song”. This is a colossal mess and there’s no other way to repair this kind of damage so here’s an album made by typewriting monkeys and I don’t mean the ones from one of their classic music videos.

Worst Songs

I Love It By Kanye West ft Lil Pump – This might be the worst song I heard not just this year but probably this decade. Love him or hate him, Kanye West at least had a sense of talent but this is just plain lazy, irritating and lame. Its music video is also weak sauce and I find it funny that this track where Kanye says “You’re such a fuckin’ ho, I love it” in this idiotic outfit is so bad that… his kids wear it on Halloween. Yeah, great parenting from Kanye who is also still married to Kim Kardashian at the time so she likes that Kanye called her a ho (unless he directs to somebody else). This song summarizes the worst of this year but also the 2010s alone.

Careless Whisper By Train – Oh Train, I remember when you released Drops of Jupiter and it was good but when you get around to Hey Soul Sister, I began to question your existence. The question has been answered with this cover of a George Michael classic. I would almost say it’s a good tribute to the guy but there is a problem and the problem is that your music video which turned this melancholic love song into a comedy act filled with saxophones and Al from Home Improvement joining in the fun. This is enough to have George spin over his grave so Patrick, why did you make it this way with your video? And Richard Karn, why you say yes to this? Is it because you trying to avoid Tim Allen wanting you back on Last Man Standing or something? Uh, so many questions.

Maroon 5 – Girls Like You – Yeah, this is an obvious pick that’s seen on many Worst Of lists and there is honestly little say to this. I can safely say that I consider Maroon 5 to be “fake rock band” because while they start exploding the scene with few okay-ish rock songs, they devolved into stuff like Move Like Jagger and Don’t Wanna Know which now comes to this? Uh, again, there is honestly little say to this. I just don’t plainly like this song and it’s so bad that when I entered one radio’s listening contest online with a sample of this song coming on, I just quickly skip it with me typing “I don’t like it”. Whatever, Next.

Lil Dicky featuring Chris Brown – Freaky Friday – And speaking of obvious pick, this is another example. Uh, I don’t know or care about Lil Dicky before I heard this and after it, I now don’t wanna know and still have no care for him and when he tries to normalize Chris Brown as a funny guy, it’s worst. We all know what he did and while he did do his time (well, a bit of it), he still sucks to the point that he has many bad songs. It even got bad that Ed Sheeran said yes to this video’s cameo and I wish I could list many of Ed’s songs on my lists but he’s an easy target so let’s just move on before I’ll talk about him more so than Dicky & Brown (which sounds like a bad porn lawyer team).

Worst Movies

Fahrenheit 451 – I’m starting off with a new adaptation that disappointed me. I actually read the novel in the past and saw the original adaptation which is hilariously dated and campy and those two source materials were good. This one on the other hand reeks of David Ayer style with Michael B. Jordan and Michael Shannon not giving much of a performance. The movie also diverge from the novel in the worst way possible by adding a subplot where you can add literature to a DNA strand. Again, you can add literature to a DNA strand. That’s not in the novel and the result of that is absurd and stupid. But this movie is probably gonna be forgettable soon so what else to say about this.

Holmes & Watson – Uh, can I go back to talking about Fahrenheit 451 because this one is really tough to say about this. For one, I want to discuss more about this movie in great detail but I also don’t wish to see it again. I say that honestly because I don’t know how and don’t know why but I’m pretty sure this movie is not one of the worst films to come out last year but this might be the definite worst movie I’ve seen this decade alone. I am not exaggerating here. It may be 2019 but this one tops the list in a way that I should apologetic to The Ridiculous Six and Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Yeah, I’m at the point where I prefer to watch scenes involving Deep Wang instead of this. Avoid this one at all costs which I wish I were (and will again eventually).

Robin Hood – Unlike the other movies in this list, this one sucks but it at least is watchable. It’s just a bland Guy Ritchie-esque retelling of Robin Hood legend with Taron Egerton and Jamie Foxx not doing much of their performance. I can give it to Jamie that at least it’s his better role than Electro. And I like Ben Mendelsohn but he should stop playing villains even by ham standards. He may do good at Rogue One but yeah, he’s repeating himself here and it’s not helping. And lastly, what is Tim Minchin doing there? He’s at least good at this movie but I’m puzzled by his appearance at the same time.

The Last Sharknado – Hey, remember I say that Sharknado 4 is my lesser favorite of the series? Oh, I didn’t expect this one. I don’t want to talk much about it since I do plan to review it this year but this movie is not good for reasons I can’t wait to explain.

Worst Television Show

DC’s Legends Of Tomorrow – I used to like this show but after John Constantine enter the series, I thought it’s gonna be awesome and no, it’s kind of the exact opposite. I only watch a few episodes this season and became incredibly bored since this is doing not much for me. I can still watch it when I have time but I don’t know, Arrowverse television shows is starting to go a bit stale and don’t get me started on how I dislike Elseworlds crossover event with the exception of few things about that. Ironically, this show is almost not tied to the event which is odd. I do say one thing that I’m glad about this show – Thomas F. Wilson is Commander Steel’s dad. Fucking Biff Tannen is in this show and I didn’t expect that when I first watched it.

Worst Comic Books

Border Town – Oh, this comic. I was actually liking it but when I hear about the sexual allegations involving the comics’ creator Eric M. Esquivel, my likeness died as quickly as Graham Linehan being revealed as a transphobic douche. And again, I was liking it because the story is unique and the art is very similar to Frank Quitely. It was the first comic in their Vertigo semi-relaunch thingy and a bad start. The other comics in the line is a bit so-and-so but I’m just waiting for Safe Sex, Second Coming and Rob Sheridan’s High Level. Let’s hope nothing bad or boring comes out of those three or I’ll be eating a shoe (not really of course!).

Heroes In Crisis – This is just meh. Intended as a spiritual follow-up to Identity Crisis, this comic didn’t do much for me and it’s one of the few DC comics that I’m trying to figure why it is an event. It reminds me of how I was ecstatic about Convergence but when I get around to it, my excitement is lost somewhere and this mini-series is supposed to grab me but so far, it didn’t. Maybe Tom King should stick with Batman but the mini-series is still going so let’s just see how this goes.

Well, I hope I didn’t forget much but 2018 is really something where I didn’t cover enough but I will get around to it. So now I should get back to the usual stuff for this month before I’ll talk about the best ones… well, the best ones I’ve seen and heard.

Janu-Fahey Month: Parker Kane

Seeing as I’m getting into a proper Jeff Fahey vehicle with 1990’s television film known as Parker Kane. Originally made as a pilot for a television series, it was the directorial debut of Steve Perry (not to be confused with the lead singer of Journey) and the only film he made. He did direct one more after this which is an episode of Tales from the Crypt in 1992 but other than that, he’s served as a producer on many stuff like Lethal Weapon sequels, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory… and uh, Speed 2: Cruise Control! Uh, at least it’s not as bad idea as his later co-production which is 2008’s Bar Starz!

Jeff Fahey plays the title character himself (duh!) as he’s a police officer-turned-detective living his life by taking pictures to a couple having sex, annoying his ex-wife as she’s about to get married to a new guy and being terrified to a gang who’s sitting on his booth at a local bar. As his friend Joey (David Caruso) got murdered in front of him, he decides to find out how he died which leads to industrial businessman Nathan Van Adams (Stellan Skarsgård) being a leading suspect while falling for Nathan’s secretary Sarah (Amanda Pays).

I could see why this start it off as a pilot since it has opening and closing credits that felt like it could lead to a series and I am sad about this not getting picked up because honestly, this movie is really awesome. Jeff does his job perfectly as Parker Kane with him going all Martin Riggs on us while breaking the fourth wall to the audience which I did not expect. The supporting cast is also stellar with Marisa Tomei playing a waitress friend by the name of April. Yes, Marisa played a character called April a couple of decades before she played May which reminds me, anybody seen that new Spider-Man: Far from Home trailer?

Stellan did well as the villain with a usual sinister plan and he even throws in two henchmen, one of which is Mac’s Dad from It’s Always Sunny so this is basically the second Jeff Fahey movie I watched that’s somewhat related to the show. David Caruso however has a bit part which is sad but this is before he gained bigger fame like Marisa so it’s understandable.

The plot is a usual by-the-numbers police drama with comedic moments which even includes two lieutenants, one of which is being a wisecracker to Parker. I am sad this is just a film but given that it came out the same time as Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, I think I know why so at least they went on to other stuff instead. So anyway, that was my take on Parker Kane and until then, this has been… a “lost” review for Janu-Fahey Couch Potato Month?!? Okay, it’s not but had I known it was meant to be a pilot, I would have reviewed it back then instead of Wolf Lake.

Janu-Fahey Month: Riot On 42nd St.

Okay, it’s me getting back to Janu-Fahey and you know what? I can’t never get enough of those. So today, I’m going back to his early ventures with 1987’s Riot On 42nd St. which might be something since it’s from Tim Kincaid, the director of Robot Holocaust. And what else did he do? He later directed gay porn films including twenty-three volumes of Joe Cage Sex Files… one which came out in 2017! So wait, he start it out with a bit of exploitation and then goes over to that afterwards? Well, I don’t know what to say but maybe this movie have a sense of homoerotic overtones, right?

Well, I do have to say that this movie’s hero is basically shown above so here’s the synopsis. The hero’s name is Glenn (John Hayden) and he returns to his home after spending his time in prison for manslaughter. He wants to get back to his normal lives by opening his place up despite his little brother Tom (Lance Lewman) being a leader of his little gang and his rival Farrell (Michael Speero) who wants him dead because the re-opening might ruin his business.

As Glenn reopens his club full of comedians, strippers and gambling, shit broke loose as Ferrell’s goons shoot up the whole place killing anybody in sight and it caused the people in the streets to riot and fight all while Glenn and Tom goes after Ferrell and his gang for injustice with his girlfriend Detective Michelle (Kate Collins) being entirely okay with Glenn’s revenge, much to the semi-disproval of her partner Frank Tackler (Jeff Fahey).

This movie is a time capsule full of cheesy acting, cartoonish violence and even a bad comedian telling “jokes” during a set. It’s actually a fun movie to watch despite all that since it felt like I’m watching a New York cousin to Miami Connection. There’s little homoerotic overtones but there is a quote-unquote love romance between Glenn and Michelle. Jeff is good here but he doesn’t really do much since he’s only in four and five scenes, the first of which he never delivered a dialogue.

And there’s the humor, I say the movie is funny in terms of bad acting, violence and choreograph fighting and it is unintentional. Honestly, it is funny in every turn and I laugh more of this than Holmes And Watson ever could.

I did say that it’s a fun movie to watch and I was entertained by it so this one is worth seeking out for how good that this bad movie can be. And Jeff might hardly be in it but regardless of his appearance, it’s still fun to watch.