Watchmen

August 21, 2016 § Leave a comment

Getting back to Zack Snyder retrospective with an adaptation that some say is good while others say it’s not and this is a surprise kind of it since it has been in development hell for several years and the fact that it’s in a way unfilmable. And given that Zack has already giving his all with one work by Frank Miller, the next question is did he do the same for Alan Moore and that is the question that is going until this day what with what DC did recently to this work and the controversial sense on Alan’s other work so what there is to say about what many say that he’s one of the famous authors of this generation.

Alan Moore

Well, I’m a huge Alan Moore fan but not for the fact that I liked Watchmen and Batman: The Killing Joke but his other works is (and call me blasphemous) way better than these two. I mean, look at 1963 or his work on America’s Best Comics imprint or A Small Killing which this is the first Alan Moore story I ever read. And anybody in Hollywood has the tendency to take his work and distort it for better or worse which is why League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie is a horrid disaster, why V For Vendetta have a different message and why DC and Brian Azzarello decide to go… um, I’ll talk about that movie next time. And this is going back to Watchmen so why did this movie adaptation divided its fans of the book that’s been in print since 1986?

LXG

The movie adaptation follows the story almost beat-by-beat by having it both take place in an alternate 1985 where Richard Nixon is still US President and superheroes used to exist but after the act, whoever wears a mask and costume are considered outlaws. After the murder of Edward Morgan Blake (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) who used to go by as The Comedian, lone vigilante Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) investigates his death which opens up a web of mystery that might lead to the destruction of the world itself so he aids the help of Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) and Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman) with Dr Manhattan (Billy Crudup) and Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) involved. But with the answers unraveled, it led to a changing effect that heroes are not what they are used to in any comic book made before this tale was told.

Bowie

Now the differences between the comic and the movie is noticeable. In the comic books, Ozymandias hatches a plan for stopping the forthcoming apocalypse by counterfeiting an alien invasion that killed millions which leads to United States, the Soviet Union and the whole world to unite and became a peaceful state based on the lie that has other heroes with the exception of Rorschach to accept. In the movie however, it turns out that Ozymandias has made Dr Manhattan the pinpoint to being responsible for the deaths that lead to the peace. How is it changed is beyond me but this being unfilmable? There’s a point that I might disagree on that.

Watchmen

But even with the change, I have to go to the point and say this, despite the polarizing effect that angered fans and so on, I actually like this movie and still do. As I like on how Zack did with his version of Dawn of the Dead, his take on Watchmen is actually well done and keep it with the mood with its nostalgic soundtrack and eye-catching parts that make you go “huh, he has read that part of the comic”. The acting is good even with few cheesy moments, the action sequences is well done (slow motion included) and the style is obviously stylistic. To keep this mind, I’m reviewing this from theatrical cut perspective since I have seen the longer cut once but don’t have a copy of it. And this cut is okay but has noticeable absence including The Black Freighter bit which I’ve also seen on its own… and didn’t like it but I’m reviewing the movie, not its tie-in that later appeared in a different version.

MCR

I think this is as straight-forward as I can get and don’t know if there’s any I could add, let’s just say that there’s no Before Watchmen adaptation coming in but then again, Zack has subtly throw a bit of Watchmen in his DC Extended Universe works (especially Suicide Squad which he’s involved and I’ll get to that one) so in other words, Dr Manhattan in this movie adaptation is responsible for inventing a universe where “Martha” is the go-to word for World’s Finest team-up? I just pulled a DC Rebirth joke and spoiled a movie I have yet to review, didn’t I? Well anyway, I have to seek his next movie out (which I surprisingly haven’t seen) before we get further down to the ones that are considered crap that he’s ever done so until then.

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Sunstone

June 23, 2016 § Leave a comment

Okay, so now it’s time to look at a part of LGBT community that I’ve looked at once before a couple of months back and I am talking about Lesbians. Now how should I start with this without going all “girl on girl kissing is hot” or something? Well, it is the most popular part of the spectrum and gained anything from the “lesbian kiss” episode of any television show to being the most internet search in terms of adult entertainment. It’s hard to argue but we are living in a sexualized world and two girls or two guys either being love or wanting to experiment is in nearly everybody’s mind.

40 Year Old Virgin
And I already tackled one movie that’s kind of like this but that movie is really forced as a padding sexual content for an alien invasion that is frankly dull. So yeah, that movie sucks so time to look at a positive side of this which is not coming off as wank material and is more of a romantic story. I already looked at one Todd Haynes movie this month so I thought at first looking at Carol but I want something different. Blue Is The Warmest Color? Uh, this might be unreviewable at this point. Heavenly Creatures? That one actually has murder in it. Bound? There’s violence so uh, maybe but again, I’m looking at more positive side. And then I have found something and I have words to explain on why this one is actually good.

Sunstone
What I’m reviewing of course is web comics/graphic novel series Sunstone and focuses not only on the romantic and sexual relationships of two females but also the BDSM side of them. The story is told through the eyes of Lisa Williams, a woman who caught the attention of her love interest Ally through a BDSM fetish fiction that Lisa wrote online. These two connect through online before they decide to take the first step by meeting each other in their own experiment. The thing about that is Lisa has never done this before and Ally is just starting out. Their first meeting went off a bit clumsily with Lisa wanting to go to the toilet but they both eventually gone with it and what start it out as an experiment because them falling in love with each other and try to keep their romantic side interacted with their fetish.

BDSM
Their relationship has led to their friends being involved like Alan, Ally’s friend and former boyfriend who helps her with the BDSM stuff, Anne, Lisa’s friend who is interested in BDSM and few others. Now before I explain why I think this series is worth checking out, I should bring out the sort-of controversial subject in terms of lesbian fiction – the subject being that it’s a fiction written by a man. The man being Stjepan Šejić who’s already a big scene in Image’s Top Cow imprint including comics like Witchblade and Aphrodite IX. This is his first project that involves BDSM, lesbian and romance that doesn’t involve superpowers and otherworldly adventures.

Fantasy
Now this is not me calling him out because there’s a reason for this – I honestly never seen a story like this before and it really is one of the most interesting things I have read in a long time. I don’t know if Stjepan and his wife (and artist of this series) Linda based this on real life since I don’t know their private life but it felt realistic and unique even though it falls under “Slice of Life” webcomics where it’s reality based but with a little fantastic elements added in. Lisa and Ally’s romance has been handled well, the dialogue is organic and the story is never clichéd. And while it is a lesbian romance and a BDSM fiction, I hardly see Sunstone as those two examples. Instead, I see it as what is quite possibly the perfect love story for the millennial generation.

Love Story
It makes sense and I am rooting for them as a couple more so than say, Kanye and Kim since I don’t see any form of cliché, sensationalism and the kind of romance that Nicholas Spark writes in his spare time. Now there is points that Lisa and Ally are considered pansexual than lesbians and I could see that as well. Granted, I only read three volumes (and nobody spoil me for the fourth one) but hey, I do hope that these two will have a happy life and ending so will check out more. So overall, I highly recommend this one and it don’t matter if I say it because it involves lesbians or BDSM, I brought up that I liked it more as a love story that’s occurring and you might agree with me on this so yeah, I’m always on look out for something new and surprising and this is one that I’ll go with. Now given that the three reviews I have done has a sense of realism one way or another, I will be looking into the Gay side of the LGBT community and have got a pick that has it but to the point that it’s actually non-fiction so until then.

Asylum Seeker: The Black Bat Rises

March 23, 2016 § Leave a comment

It’s me looking at the clumsy experiment that is TomCat Films Superhero Cinematic Universe and given that Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice is hitting the cinemas this week, why not look at one obvious knockoff of Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight franchise. The movie of course is The Black Bat Rises (aka Rise of the Black Bat) and it’s the second movie I’ve reviewed that’s based upon a public domain superhero character. Funnily enough, The Black Bat made its debut in comics the same month as Batman himself so if you think about it, there might be an alternate universe out there where I reviewed a movie called Rise of the Bat-Man.

The Black Bat
And it’s not a good sign so far since we have Scott Patrick in the helm and he gave us that awful Twilight mockbuster that is Blood Red Moon. The writer of this film, Trevor Payer, however fared a bit better since he wrote for other TomCat Films involving superheroes like Avenging Force: The Scarab and Thunderstorm: The Return of Thor and I really need to look into those films. Then again, I need to look at his written James Bond spoof called SpyFall which stars uh… nobody that we know of! Actually, do I need to look at it? Uh whatever, let’s just move on before I found out Top Secret gets a lazy referential reboot that nobody wanted or something.

SpyFall
The movie begins with two guys waiting for something before The Black Bat appears and attacks them. He also fights against other henchmen before his narration leads to an origin story… which starts off with The Black Bat fighting two rapists attempting to get their woman. Unusual start for the origin but his origin finally starts with his civilian identity of district attorney Tony Quinn (Jody Haucke) as he encounter Silk Kirby (Richard Groen) who warned him that an henchmen of notorious crime boss Oliver Snate (Leo Frost) is coming to kill him. As the henchmen is about to shoot Tony in the bed, Tony then appears shooting him instead and Silk got out of bed (?) before Tony asked him to call the cops because he said that the guy is bleeding all over his carpet.

Bed
The following day and Tony is about to present his court case against Oliver but surprisingly, his assistant Roberta (Celine Filion) blinded Tony with acid betraying her boss with Oliver watching the action. While living his life being blind, he then meets up with Carol Baldwin (Dixie Collins) and she mentions that Oliver killed her father whose a judge. She also throws in a proposition that would regain his eyesight and he accept only to find out that he gained night vision senses. So the first thing he’s gonna do is going undercover as a hustler while paying a thousand bucks to a guy who knows what Snate’s going to in a stage full of bikini-clad woman having a contest.

Undercover Disguise
Tony finally decides to be a vigilante and fought criminals before he gets to Snate, we get to see the first five minutes of the movie repeated again and then face Snate himself. A bunch of goons have been shot and The Black Bat pushes Snate outside before throwing the dynamite in the building and that’s about it. Well, there is a drawn comic art montage explaining the hero’s existence but the movie ends on this note and in the most anticlimactic way possible.

Black Bat 1
Okay, back when I reviewed Metal Man, I was in the mindset that I disliked the idea of superhero movie mockbusters and it was a pet peeve of mine. I didn’t like that movie back then and right now, the movie is a tad bit watchable but that’s pretty much all there is anyway. And I followed it up with The Amazing Bulk and Captain Battle and those two have a sense of entertaining values. This movie has no redeeming qualities, no so-bad-its-good acting, no cheesy effects and it’s nothing but a boredom that wastes our own time even if the time is us trying to sleep after being awake for several days.

Black Bat 2
The only positive I could give is the costume and the disguise but the costume might as well be originally taken from an Batman replica costume and the disguise is so dumb that nobody question the dated qualities of it. The acting is overall dull, the story is lifeless and unoriginal mishmash of Batman and Daredevil’s origins, it has noticeable bad lighting and there are sequences that drag on and on like a montage of him putting on the costume for the first to the stalking a woman sequence. Had it been constantly edited into a short film, it would be still be bad. In terms of reviewing TomCat’s superhero movies, this is so far the worst one for all and I’m not ashamed to say that Scott Patrick should really quit while he’s ahead.

Blood Red Moon

Janu-Fahey Month 2.1: Sketch Artist II – Hands That See

February 28, 2016 § Leave a comment

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Well, Janu-Fahey Month 2.1 is drawing to a close and what best way to do that is to bookend those two months by reviewing Sketch Artist II: Hands That See with Jeff Fahey and James Tolkan reprising their roles but not Frank McRae since he probably is preparing to star in Asteroid with Michael Biehn. But hope is not lost as got a replacement partner that’s played by Michael Beach. In addition, Jonathan Silverman and Courtney Cox are in this movie and it is timely since Jonathan was hitting it big at that time with The Single Guy and Courtney is already riding high with Friends.

The Single Guy
Lastly, Phedon didn’t direct this one so who took over the director’s seat for this one? Well, get ready for this. Jack Sholder of A Nightmare On Elm Street II: Freddy’s Revenge and The Hidden fame so fuck it, we got a winner here. Well, okay, he also made a failed pilot telemovie based on Marvel’s Generation X as well since while Finola Hughes did a better job as Emma Frost than January Jones, it doesn’t block the mind of Matt Frewer going all Jim Carrey on us with a bit of racial slur involved… that, and it has one of the worst farts gag in history.

Generation X
Well, we see how it goes as the movie opens up with a mysterious killer coming to the house of Emmy (Courtney Cox) and her husband Glenn (Jonathan Silverman) and the killer raped her. So as that happened, it then all of a sudden cuts to Jack (Jeff Fahey) and other police officers playing an Softball game. Yeah, that is an awkward and uncomfortable transition. Anyway, the game ended with the team losing because Beeks (John Prosky) didn’t get the ball in his hand. Jack and George (Michael Beach) then meet up a coroner on a recent murdered victim of “The Slasher” and it then leads to Jack meeting up with Emmy. Also, I should mention this but Emmy is not only a rape survivor… but uh, she’s also blind!

Courtney Cox
Jack decides to help her out since while she is blind, she can tell the killer’s description by feeling his face which worked. Not only that but she also touch Jack’s face and describes it perfectly. Following it, both Jack and George check out Emmy’s house and Jack interviews her again before she breaks down. After Jack calms her down, both Emmy and Glenn are at the park near the university and she is about to go back to her teaching but sits next to the rapist who threatened her about his appearance being exposed. She immediately runs back to Glenn and the rapist got away.

Park
Later, the news release reports about Emmy and the rapist’s description and Jack heard about it which brought him a bit furious so he decides to go to Emmy’s class. However, the rapist got there first and is about to threaten her again. Jack stopped at the class as he is about to do that and the rapist escapes while killing a security guard nearby. His escape didn’t take long as while he pulled over by highway cops later is revealed to be Tim Rothko (Michael Nicolosi) who’s a bible student of sorts.

Michael 1
So with Tim caught, the movie is not over as it lands him in court while Emmy and Glenn went into hiding. The court case has a chance of losing with Jack drinking and Glenn wanting Tim be in prison so Jack went sober and tries to convince Emmy to take a stand and she eventually did. It didn’t went too well again but Jack has got an idea which might work – the idea leading to Emmy touching a random bystander’s face at the court and describe it to Jack. The plan worked successfully and Tim hulked out as he is about to attack Emmy but cops caught him and the movie ends with another softball game and Beeks has finally caught the ball with Jack and his friends winning.

Finale
Okay, I don’t really like this movie. I would have liked it but with rape being a notable subject (and with a blind person), I felt uncomfortable at times watching. Yes, it is fiction and it’s not the first thing I seen that tackles this subject since I’ve seen Irreversible and uh, That’s My Boy! But with this movie, I do say that I’m glad that the person who wanted non-consensual sex has been caught but still. Other than that subject, the movie also is really boring and that’s to due to the fact that it went from Jack and other characters finding the antagonist to a courtroom drama. The first movie has Jack checking out mystery which connects to his wife and that story is something. This one is just plain dull and forgettable (except the one where Tim rages out).

Jeff

It also felt oscarbait with Courtney giving her all as a blind person and she did okay but it doesn’t help her getting any award mainly because not only I mentioned Friends but she is gonna be more known for Scream and Cougar Town so I won’t be surprised if she doesn’t wanna talk about this one. Jonathan did okay as well and while his performance is minimal, it is the only good part. Speaking of minimal, Jeff has his own here since this movie is hardly about him. Heck, James Tolkan has a small role here and to add this up, Lin Shaye is also in this but for only one scene that doesn’t serve any purpose at all. Michael however did an okay job as killer since he kinda have the looks of it.

Michael 2

I can’t fault Jack for this since he didn’t write it, the writer is Michael Angeli who also wrote the first film so it bears my mind on how these two movies are different to each other not in terms of story but in style as well. But why should I complain about it really? Michael is already big name thanks to Monk, Battlestar Galactica, Black Sails and… uh, Chyna: If They Only Knew! Yeah, he’s also a biographical co-author and celebrity profiler. It is not a good movie really and not worth checking out. And this ends the double-month edition of Janu-Fahey and I suddenly feel moody. Alright, I should go watch a few things and will come back possibly in a positive light.

Fantastic Four (2015)

August 19, 2015 § Leave a comment

Okay, the first time I get to know Fantastic Four and seen their adventures is during the 90s where an animated series about them aired as part of Marvel Action Hour block along with Iron Man and Stan Lee’s intros. It was a fun show right down to Brian Austen Green giving us The Human Torch rap in one episode. Since then, I read their comics, see few of their movies and laughed at the team being satirized on recent season of Arrested Development. When it comes to Roger Corman’s low-budget unreleased take on the franchise, that movie is almost faithful to the source material. And say what you say about Tim Story-directed depiction of the team but at least effort has been made on those movies being similar to the comics.

Tim Story
And this year came a new interpretation of the team which many fans have issues with from the fact that The Human Torch is now an African-American to the movie heading to the same gritty realistic superhero reboot experience that already has been done with The Man of Steel and The Amazing Spider-Man and not in a good way. Even what goes on in the movie production draws concerns including after its release with Josh Trank tweeted (and deleted) about his version of the team being not what you see on the big screen. Heck, Marvel Comics themselves took a jab on this movie with an issue of The Punisher depicting three cast members getting killed off along with rumors on the company not making any more of their comics.

Tweet
So what is different about this movie than the previous three? Well, let me spoil you the details. After being disqualified for their science experiment in high school, Reed Richards (Miles Teller) gained immediate notice from Dr. Franklin Storm (Reg E. Cathey) and his adopted daughter Susan (Kate Mara) which leads his teleportation device to expanded with the help of Susan, her brother Johnny (Michael B. Jordan) and Franklin’s old protegé Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell). As the experiment became successful, Franklin’s supervisor Harvey Allen (Tim Blake Nelson) suggests a group of astronauts to cross to another dimension in The Negative Zone (or in this movie’s case, Planet Zero) which disappoints Reed and the two so they decide to go there themselves along with Reed’s longtime best friend Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell).

Experiment
The experiment was successful at first but after tapping into a liquid substance which caused… a Zeroquake if you will! Doom gets left behind and is presumed to be dead by the three and the others escaped with Susan helping out back home. And as they returned home, the three returned with their own powers (with an explosion that caused Susan to get her own at the same time). The government retrieved the four and send them to Area 57 to use them as their own super-soldier subjects which has Reed deciding to escape and become a fugitive.

Mr Fantastic
A year has passed and Reed has been caught by soldiers and Ben. After Harvey asked Reed to restart the experiment, Reed relunctantly agrees and Harvey’s chosen subjects have gone to Planet Zero before returning with Doom being alive. Victor turns all-out evil by killing nearly everybody in the base and wants to go back to his new home while attempting to destroy his old one with his evil plans and the four unite to defeat Doom. It’s obvious they have won and the movie abruptly ends with Reed about to announce the team name.

Team Name
If you think the movie was gonna be that bad before and after its release without seeing it, you are so absolutely correct because this reboot of Fantastic Four is quite possibly one of the worst superhero movies I have ever seen and keep that in mind that I’m a guy who don’t mind Howard The Duck, Iron Man 2 and even Batman and Robin has moments you can’t look away from. Okay, it is obvious that I’m not a fan of remakes/re-adaptations/reboots that has no heart and is considered dull and lifeless. Total Recall and RoboCop being those examples I brought up and Fantastic Four now falls into those. I even ask few of my friends at the comic store and they agree on this movie being suck big time so somebody ask this, how did Fox think this is their best idea?

Fox
First to the acting and they are all wasted big time on this. Miles might play the best impersonator of John Cusack but he is so not Mr Fantastic, Jamie doesn’t fit as The Thing (and any action hero overall since he didn’t do well in Jumper), Kate might look better than Jessica Alba as The Invisible Woman but even she looks bored for this and Michael B. Jordan would have played The Human Torch well but he is barely used for this. Oh, and Toby as Doom? What in the fuck was that? Toby, you might be a nice guy but you’re the worst actor to play the villain ever even with how your character looked.

Doom
Both Reg and Tim didn’t do much here and deserved much better than this. Now it’s understandable that this movie is more based upon the Ultimate imprint version of the team than the traditional Marvel take on the four but here’s the thing, I read Ultimate Fantastic Four when it was originally released and what Mark Millar did on the comic felt like a good contemporary take on Marvel’s first family. The origin fits and the tone is right since it read like a comic book before the shitstorm that is Ultimatum ruined the whole Ultimate Marvel franchise. This movie almost adapt that source material well but it’s ruined by few things at the same time.

Ultimate FF
For one, there’s basically a three-act structure that didn’t structured normally. The first being how Reed became a super-genius and meet the Storms starts off nice and the second which has them transformed into superhuman with a bit of Cronenbergian body horror is almost a bit okay but the third ultimately negate it big time when Doom re-enters the scene and since I mention Josh Trank’s controversial tweet earlier, I can see that third act being the cause of Fox executives fucking up the superhero genre with this and why not? They already fucked up Batman with Gotham and Lucifer with… well, Lucifer.

Lucifer
Back to the movie and really, not every superhero movie can be emulated to realistic gritty territory like Nolan’s The Dark Knight saga. The Fantastic Four was meant to be light-hearted, fun family of heroes exploring the impossibilities while saving the world and the movie took that part but throws away the “light-hearted and fun” out of it. Heck, the “family” part might as well be thrown out since the only time they can act like they are family oriented is the last few minutes of the movie. I can even say that the scenes with Susan Storm and The Thing is only in one scene in the first act and they didn’t meet again until after Doom’s return to Earth. What the fuck is with that?

Team
Oh, and since I already brought up Fox meddling this movie, the movie promotion handled more worse given the trailers and a B-Roll footage has several scenes that’s not in the final product. I don’t know if they would be included on DVD and Blu-Ray release but dammit, this is a dumb cheap shot for making audiences check this out because they think the trailer might make the movie good. No, it’s not. And lastly, I read that one commented on this movie being this generation’s answer to Batman and Robin… Well, Doom saying “there is only Doom” might come off like Mr Freeze saying his puns but I don’t see this FF being a campy superhero movie, I see it as a boring, pathetic and unoriginal excuse for Fox to jumpstart their own Marvel universe and really, they already got X-Men so maybe they should just stick with that and not abuse other Marvel (and DC) properties that they currently own for movie and television rights. You know what? Fuck it, I should review Pixels instead of talking more about this awful movie so I’m done bitching about this movie.

Asylum Seeker: Archie vs Sharknado

August 2, 2015 § Leave a comment

Why does this comic exist? Archie vs Sharknado! Yeah, Archie may be about a high school character of the same name along with friends and girlfriend (or girlfriends) having wacky adventures but why this kind of crossover? You know what? Let’s take back a bit further. Now we know Archie comics today as the kind which has Archie fighting zombies (and a predator) or being compared to Glee thanks to the recent reboot by Mark Waid but before all that, it’s kinda almost not relevant. To be specific, not many people reads Archie since after Sabrina The Teenage Witch finished its run on television (and Josie and the Pussycats was released in cinemas as well).

Josie And The Pussycats
And even though there’s still an audience for this, I hardly heard of or read anything on Archie before he starts teaming up with Obama and Palin, gained a fan-favorite gay character and did a storyline in which he married either Betty or Veronica (which ended in his death). Yeah, there’s Sonic comics that’s published by that company during their quiet period but I’m talking specifically about Archie here. And when he became relevant, he became that in a big way since I’m actually a fond fan of both Afterlife With Archie and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. One is an ongoing zombie tale with good twist and turns while another is a creepy retroesque witch tale. And now comes this comic which might make him meeting The Punisher a lot more sense than I originally thought.

Archie vs Punisher
The story begins in Washington with Betty’s father going to the congress to talk about the proposal that might save the world, little did he and Betty and Veronica know is the storm is coming. The girls decide to have fun checking out the places before they go to the top of the Washington monument. And then Sharknado occurs and the girls are caught in it with the father being killed off. The girls try to survive while killing their sharks before the storm passes which leads to Betty wanted to warn Archie and over at Riverdale while Veronica wondered if he’s taking to the dance instead. Meanwhile at the beach in Riverdale, Cheryl Blossom asked Archie if he’s going to the party on her boat which he agrees.

She-Rambo
Nothing much happens but Archie is having a party, Jughead is hungry and Dilton are wondering if Betty and Veronica survived Sharknado after one of the checked data from NASA. Back to the girls and they ride to the airport which is grounded with sharks while Betty decides to fix a helicopter. Back at the beach and sharks appear on the sea so Archie and Cheryl needs to swim back along with few others and strangely enough, all sharks form a ladder which has them going to the boat. Sabrina and Salem notices it and decide to help out… which leads to Sabrina becoming lunch.

Sabrina
Archie decides to play hero by getting Sabrina’s boat and others went in there but a shark went away with Jughead’s hat. One of the sharks also took Cheryl’s bra which leads to guys looking at her topless before she covered it up. Oh, and Moose is surfing with two sharks. They made it land but not before the tornadoes appear which yeah, you all know this is coming. Dilton checked the calculations and discovered that the storm is headed towards school so Archie wants to warn them who’s in the dance. Back to Betty and Veronica and they are on the helicopter while killing sharks along the way, that’s about it.

Helicopter
Over at the high school dance, we see Josie and The Pussycats meeting up with the only celebrity cameo in the whole comic – Quint, the band responsible for some theme song involving sharks and tornadoes. The two bands collaborate and then Archie and his gang appears warning about the storm. Sharks kill few people and finally Betty and Veronica made it to the carnage. They are still finding ways to survive so what’s the solution? Play dodgeball against the sharks, I’m serious. Archie and others look into Svenson’s room for weapons and what weapons are there? Chainsaws… lots and lots of chainsaws (amongst few others).

Chainsaw
Dilton thought of the plan which is – another “bomb the stormy clouds” plan. And the others load up their weapons to kill some sharks before they reached Pop’s store. And as Cheryl got swallowed by the shark with the bomb, Archie decides to play Fin Shepherd and go after the shark. Obviously, Cheryl lives and the bomb is intact while Jughead gets his hat back and the bomb explodes which killed a lotta sharks. And the comic ends with the storm passed and everybody nearly lives with Archie and Cheryl an item.

Sugar Sugar
This comic is something but it has minor issues. It basically follows the same story (and why not, it’s written by the director of the three movies anyway) and nothing much really. It also felt rushed and a bit cringeworthy since really Anthony, you throwing two Evil Dead references in this comic? Come to think of it, I’m now thinking of the whole Sharknado franchise to be a mockbuster of Evil Dead franchise even with different scenarios outside of a single character whose choice of weapon is a chainsaw. And is this really worthy to the first (and so far only) comic associated with The Asylum?

Tara
Not really but that’s just my opinion. I guess, it reminds me of the time when Cannon films tried their comic book tie-ins with Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (which that one is obvious), Masters of the Universe (again, obvious), Cyborg and… Cobra! Well, the last part is an unofficial tie-in but still, there is such thing as a Cobra comic book. And if there’s more comics that has The Asylum involved in it, it might be better than this but my words might not be heard so to end it off, this comic is just not a great crossover idea but it at least it’s not as worst and more rushed than Image/Valiant DeathMate crossover. Huh, I just compared this one-shot to DeathMate, that is not a good thing. I hate to say this but I want to review another episode of The Neighbors right now.

Asylum Seeker: Captain Battle – Legacy War

October 25, 2014 § 3 Comments

After three movies of nothing but volcanoes, an asteroid and Colin Firth getting into a couple of bar brawls, I bet it’s a good time to look at some lower budget superhero movie that capitalizes on Marvel Cinematic Universe franchise and oh boy, is this really a good time. Captain Battle: Legacy War is another TomCat mockbuster like Metal Man and The Amazing Bulk but this time, it’s a different kind of superhero movie from the company since this one is actually based on a golden age character that itself is a knockoff of Captain America rather than being “original”.

Comic Book
This one is directed by David Palmieri who has few direct-to-DVD stuff which includes Disaster Wars: Earthquake vs Tsunami. I don’t know how one disastrous event is battling against another but I gonna admit, it’s an interestingly funny title. Also, he directed Snake Club: Revenge of the Snake Woman which is funny since there’s two uses of the word “Snake” in the title. Maybe they got the title after finding out that the word “Manos” in Manos, The Hands of Fate is spanish for well… Hands.

Manos
The movie begins with Jonathan Battle (Tom Newth) who’s on the car chase shootout with some nazi skinheads but got involved with really-fake explosions and died. Meanwhile in Northern Iraq, his son Sam (Cuyle Carvin) got shot by random Iraqi soldiers and is facing death but thanks to the serum created by his friend Brandon Storm (Andrew J McGuinness), he not only survives but has gained strength. Cut to three months later and Sam is back home while having a surprise visit from Brandon. They went to some hotel room and talked about the serum before Brandon’s sister Jane (Marlene Mc’Cohen) appears and after meeting Sam, the movie suddenly cuts to skinheads enjoying their time at a stripper bar with a montage. Ha, unexpected transition.

Montage
The skinheads kidnapped one of the strippers (even using a gun in the bar which reminds me, where the fuck are the bodyguards and anybody’s who not an nazi with their own weapons?) and use her along with other kidnapped girls as possible experiments. While Sam is taking Jane home, Brandon also got kidnapped and is held at their base of operations as well. Sam and Jane is figuring out what happened while Jane mentioned that Jonathan’s accidental death is actually murder and they meet up with Jonathan’s friend Steve Kelly (Pete Punito) who tells what has been happening. And then, the lead villain a finally ppeared and well, let me just show you the villain.

The Necromancer
The villain is of course The Necromancer (Jenny Allford) and she wanted Brandon to work on serum that’s enough to bring upon the fourth reich. After a long talk, Steve gives Sam his father’s stuff including the uniform and then both Sam and Jane encountered some nazis which results into Jane getting kidnapped and Sam interrogating one of them who’s left behind before… he lets him go. Wait, a hero lets one of the villains go instead of punching him or take him to a police station. That’s what just happened in this movie. Back to the nazis hideout and The Necromancer revived Heinrich Himmer (Todd James Jackson) thanks to the serum and for a decades-long resurrection, he look like a poor man’s excuse for The Red Skull.

Himmler 1
Sam finally dons the identity of Captain Battle which is a good costume but his identity is sort-of given away since the “mask” he’s wearing is just an eyepatch. There are fights with him against the Nazis and with only two random police officers involved (one of them looking like a pornstache police officer that just came out of Miami Vice costume party). A couple of Nazis got hit by kidnapped females, Himmler got killed again by Battle and The Necromancer got away leaving the movie open-ended with a sequel that to this date, hasn’t been made.

Captain Battle
Well, this movie is indeed bad but unlike the previous three, it’s also enjoyable. The acting is average, the action is cheesy and the plot is similar to 1979 Captain America movie but at least it doesn’t come off boring. I honestly do say that I hope a sequel for this is made but doubt that’s gonna happen. I may be wrong about my previous dislikes on superhero rip-offs but who knows? There are few others along the way. Now the month is nearly done so you know what? Next time I’m reviewing Sharknado II: The Second One and hope this month ends in a good note.

Himmler 2

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