Dr Dolittle: Million Dollar Mutts

I remember back in a decade before when I heard that Eddie Murphy was gonna take the role of Dr. Dolittle and I can safely say that it’s a fine idea. But keeping in mind that this was a time before Norbit and Imagine That, I used to think Eddie Murphy is still a funny dude. I also remember that sequel with the late Steve Irwin and haven’t seen it until recently, the sequel is pretty good with the exception of well… Jeffrey Jones. Now, I’ve now the fact there’s three more Dr. Dolittle sequel but seeing it as being part of Direct-To-DVD releases like The Lost Boys and American Pie, Eddie will never appear and I know that either of those is gonna suck.

Anybody interest in a sequel to WarGames without Ferris Bueller and the headcase from The Breakfast Club? The cover says yes but us watching it says no-no.

I’ve happened to catch the last sequel to this movie on television recently and I thought of doing a review on this. Sure, I’ve done buncha Asylum movies, mockbusters and Australian released flicks but I need to stretch it out so direct-to-dvd movies is one of the qualities. Hey, There’s a high possibility that a sequel to Hot Tub Time Machine with Chevy Chase and Crispin Glover to hit in anywhere else but the big screen.

I’m also including Direct-To-Video releases… and Direct-To-Betamax and Direct-To-Laserdisc releases!

So the movie involves Maya Dolittle (Kyla Pratt) as she was preparing to go to Veterinarian course but after saving a cat (which is sadly voiced by Pauly Shore), she have her sudden fame thanks to the local news network and takes a trip to the streets of Hollywood. Accompanied with Lucky (voiced by Norm McDonald who’s strangely uncredited in this movie), Maya became friends with the heiress Tiffany (Tegan Moss) whom her pet Princess is trying to convince Maya that “she’s a he”… which results Princess to become Rocco (and dressed like a member of the Village People).

Hugh Lofting previously spins the grave because of Eddie Murphy, now he’s spinning to the inner-core of Terra Firma because of what movie I’m watching now.

Before preparing to go back, Maya ended up in the club with her friend and then meets her future love interest Brandon Turner (Brandon Jay McLaren) and oh sweet… Maya’s monkey somehow manage to get to Hollywood (without her knowledge) and became the actual party animal (which has him drinking several cans of the same drink). Uh, Back to the main storyline and hollywood agent Rick Beverley (Jason Bryden) convinces that Maya could be getting her own show which disrupts her from going back home. I do say one thing – There should be an Dr. Dolittle movie about that monkey instead because after him checking his Facebook page (that’s before the Pauly Shore cat scene) and this, I would say it’s the best sequel ever.

If only Dennis Hopper would be alive to enjoy this. Damn, I miss that actor.

So Maya is having her first date thingy with Brandon (while Lucky is hanging out with Brandon’s dog Emmy) and I’m skipping to the point of the Monkey appearing again who’s looking for “King Kong” (don’t ask). Later, She decide to sign the contract without reading it and along with Tiffany and they decide to meet the future guests and his/her pets on the show. We get to meet Chad Cassidy (Sebastian Spence) who’s preparing his role as Abraham Lincoln… while dressing like a Gladiator! Okay, Then they meet and G-Rated Rapper known as “Ridiculuz” (Doron Bell) whom his pet “Fluffermufferman” has a hatred for hip-hop music and prefers the classical tunes of Beethoven and Mozart. Wait, Beethoven… I’m gonna make a screencaption that came out of nowhere.

Ludwig Van Beethoven is the proud sponsor of The Ludovico Techique. So prepare to go insane if this gets a mention again.

So Maya, Tiffany and Rick are at the meeting to see if the show is greenlighted (before it began to air) and the big boss which is played by… Judge Reinhold. Oh shit, Judge Reinhold is in a sequel to the first two movies that starred his friend “Axel F’. I’m sorry if I could cut this but…

“My Name Is Judge”

Sorry, Wrong One…

AAAARRRGGGHHHH!

Okay, I’m disturbed to see how Judge Reinhold went from Arrested Development to this. In fact, how did he appear in this direct-to-dvd sequel (along with a Beethoven sequel). I mean, Is he waiting for the phone call from The Asylum so he could direct his own movie? I wanna see him in the big screen instead of… well, this. Back to the movie, The show begins its taped airing and Maya thinks the show is a bad idea but then something happened when Brandon’s dog is feeling sick and they all went to the vet.

No, Bambi’s Mom… I mean Simba’s Dad… I mean Brandon’s Dog. Don’t worry, The dog actually lived so no singing birds on this one.

So following the heartwarming moment, The show somehow gained a live audience (after the failed taped airing) and Maya is prepared for her big break to follow her father’s footsteps. However, She got a minor stage fright and stops the show because she prefers to save the animals in her own non-hollywood way. But that did not stop Rick explaining that signing the contact means that he owned her? Hey, That’s Hollywood for you.

“We butchered your adapted works, we made your favorite celebrities drugged up, We control the world of Hollywood.”

So Rick is about to get attack by Lucky and the Hollywood Animals (which sounds like a no-hit-wonder band) so begins the long chase through the Hollywood Studios. We had him stumbled onto the set of a pirate movie, a western movie, a movie with a mummy and even a cheap porno flick. Okay, I made the last one up but he did manage to get on the set of “Ape-Pollo 13” with you-know-who?

The best character in this movie, Ladies and Gentleman.

So the monkey joins the animal pack and he quickly got the contract off him and long story short… Maya gets to go home and everybody except Rick lives happily ever after. So what do I think of this movie? I would like to see those direct-to-dvd sequels stop because I’m scared to see if there’s one on the way. Okay, Not scared but shocked. This movie may well be a bit harmless and recommended for current Dr Dolittle fans and children but I do say it’s a stupid movie and a clumsy satire of the modern Hollywood lifestyle from Tiffany being an Paris Hilton knockoff to anything else. The only good part is the Monkey because he gets to direct his own movie but the sad part is how Judge Reinhold appeared here so somebody please give Judge Reinhold another sequel to Beverly Hills Cop or something better? Anyway, I’m done.

It’s not the way to go, Hamilton. Not the way to go.

Additional Screencaption Time

Ridiculuz: “Yo, Yo, Yo… What Is Up, My Doc? I’m Da Rapping Rabbit And I Allow To Diss That Snoop Doggystyle Fellow… And His Brother Nathan. Ain’t That Right? My Pet?”
Fluffermufferman: “It’s Snoop Dogg… You Hack.”

“Do I like movies about Gladiators?”

World’s Greatest Dad

We all know stuff about “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” phenomenon and it might be that possible that I might have met Kevin Bacon through these “six degrees” situation. I can’t start and end at that point but I do say that it’s now certain that I have met Bob Goldthwait. How? Because I went to this year’s Supanova Convention at Sydney and met his former co-star Michael Winslow. Yeah, The point of where I have met Michael Winslow is sequed to the point I met the director of this movie that I’m reviewing. Scary Enough, It might suggest that I also have met Steve Guttenberg through the “six degrees” theory.

Wanna know what’s ironic? I have also actually met Rob Schneider when he promotes that Deuce Bigalow sequel in my quiet hometown of Liverpool. No really, I have met Deuce Bigalow himself when he’s the only celebrity that I know have come to my hometown and that’s freakin‘ scary!

The movie is World’s Greatest Dad and it proves that Bob Goldthwait is not just that guy from Police Academy sequels (does anybody know he directed several episodes of Chappelle’s Show?) and it focuses on Lance Clayton (Robin Williams) whom while he’s still a teacher in high school, he’s also an author on writer’s block and a hated father to his son Kyle. The character of Kyle is possibly the kind of son who’s both an emo and a horny virgin with a hatred on both music and movies (he called these stuff “gay” and thinks Heavy Metal is the “faggiest” of all musical genres). While Lance is concerned that Kyle’s dumbness might have sent him to special education classes, something else happened when Kyle is jerkin’ off the mobile pictures of Lance’s girlfriend/co-worker Claire’s pantyshots (he’s actually doing autoerotic asphyxiation) which immediately killed him.

If this were another movie, I would be so happy to see Kyle died while jerkin’ off with that autoerotic asphyxiation technique but this is a movie directed by Bobcat Goldthwait so there must be hilarity, right?

If you read the screen-caption above, I’m correct that there’s gonna be hilarious parts of this black comedy flick as Lance decides to fake his son’s death as suicide which begins with Lance writing an note. The suicide note actually drew attention within the school and everybody thinks Kyle is talented (with the exception of his best friend Andrew) and gained an cult following. Lance is now living the dream with his girlfriend, his friends and the school itself but for how long? Oh Crap, I just the spoiled the whole part of the movie…

Well, I didn’t tell you about the ending, what’s funny about this movie and everything else so at least I didn’t spoil everything.

This movie is a perfect vehicle for Robin Williams and unlike the other movie released at that time known as Old Dogs, It should be one of his greatest roles along with Dead Poets Society, One Hour Photo and Insomnia. Despite it being an independent comedy (and surprisingly co-produced by Richard Kelly), it should have hit it big in the worldwide box office. Maybe there will be a time when one of Bobcat’s future directorial efforts will be following that path to stardom but seeing as we are living in a world where the only high Robin Williams movie are mostly the lame ones (eg. Richard Donnor’s Jack), I guess the only the way is to recommend everybody even the anti-Robin Williams followers to see this movie.

The only way I could see this movie is because Seth Green‘s in it. However, He also voiced his character Chris Griffin in the horrible show that is Family Guy (just please get off the show and do more Robot Chicken, please).

Southland Tales

Not only it’s been few days since America celebrated their own day of independence, it’s also couple of years since Richard Kelly’s second feature known simply as ”Southland Tales” tear the fabric of space/time continuum and this movie… in a bad theatrical-edited version is still fucking watchable at times. Why? Let’s see…

”The Rundown II: Giving The Torch Back” (I’m done with Dwayne/Arnie connection for good, by the way.)

Set in an alternate reality where WW III occurred following the nuclear bombing of both El Paso and Abilene, The movie focuses on Boxer Santaros (Dwayne ”I Am The Next Arnie, Bitch” Johnson), an action star whose mind is empty enough to sleep with a porn star (or in perfect case, a celebrity who is so amnesiac that he fucked Sarah Michelle Gellar). Yeah, we get to SMG herself as Krysta Now, who resigned her position on the adult industry and made an hardly-watchable reality show, an energy drink that could have same flavours as Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt and a song where Teen Horniness is cool to perverted old man. Meanwhile, We have Seann William Scott as both Roland and Ronald Taverner, twin brothers where one is kidnapped and painfully injured at times while the other posed as the other who is working for neo-marxist group known as… uh, USIDeath. Yeah, they can’t figure a better name but to confuse the civilians with US-IDent (I’ll get to that in a second).

If Teen Horniness is indeed not a crime, Then I’ll be scared to see if Paedophilia is the next option to be legal.

While not giving us further backstory (you better get Southland Tales graphic novel prequels that’s still available), The US-IDent (lead by Nana Mae Frost and her husband Bobby, played by Miranda Richardson & Holmes Osbourne) are trying to keep America safe from USIDeath from bringing chaos and destruction. The movie gets into the point of “I’m-so-confused” territory as Boxer Santaros tries to find answers to WTF is going on and The Taverners are finding each other. However, They came into contact with past SNL cast members like Amy Poehler and Nora Dunn (even Jeneane Garofalo manage to appear in the film but her scenes are cut-out… well except one). There are parts that are fucked up (two CGI cars humping), not necessary (Christopher Lambert getting hurt in one scene) and some-are-okay (Boxer’s contact with the Treer group which has Wallace Shawn, Booger from Revenge of the Nerds and so on). I’m gonna skip all parts including Jon Lovitz (who plays Bart Bookman!) and Will Sasso, who both of them are trying to act so-badass but there’s failure involved.

I Just Wished Connor MacLoed had survived Highlander: Endgame and that way, Adrian Paul will be in this movie instead.

The end takes place on July 4, 2008 and it appears it’s hello to Apocalypse as Boxer Santaros discovers his reason for being here, Krysta Now still doing nothing and The Taverners reunited only to find out they are both one and the same existing in the same space/time continuum. Yeah, Roland and Ronald are the same person but one is from an alternate future. I’m almost done, anyway. And they saved the universe by doing the same thing as the two characters on Ferngully (holding hands which has the glowing effect) and became new messiah according to Justin Timberlake (he’s also in this movie) which means the End.

So the world ended on Independence Day… Didn’t Roland Emmerich did a movie about that holiday event once? (This is taken from a concept art)

This movie is the perfect art of confusion and with many well-known stars (I forgot to mention Bai Ling, Mandy Moore and Kevin Smith as a legless Iraqi War vet who has a white hair) and while it has a decent soundtrack (except ”Teen Horniness Is Not A Crime”), this movie should have extra timing on production like Apocalypse Now!. So to say it simply, this movie is not painful like the others and can be watchable but it does still create headaches to us all. I like Richard Kelly for his work on Donnie Darko and I can take The Box but Southland Tales… well, I’m still waiting for that so-called ”Expanded Edition” he promised us to deliver and maybe this movie will hopefully make sense… or not!

I’m not making any ”Kevin Smith as Santa Claus” jokes because he still kicks ass, however…

… I wanna make a joke on Justin Timberlake with a scar so send me an email and maybe I’ll steal yours instead.

I do have one thing to say – There’s a surreal connection to this movie and the cancelled television series Jericho with 1) Boxer Santaros played ”Jericho Cane” in a never-produced screenplay (I’m not going through ”End Of Days” reference with another Jericho Cane character), 2) Both involves nuclear explosions and 3) Both this movie and the pilot episode of Jericho have The Killers ”All These Things That I’ve Done” (one in an BLAM moment with Justin Timberlake miming the song in a weird musical number). Seriously, I’m not sure if Richard Kelly watched that show and re-edit the script that’s been done before 9/11 attack.

If this is Justin’s attempt to do a duet with The Killers, then it seems to have failed.

It may seem to be the worst Independence Day movie ever but the world is still going so if you excuse me while I’m gonna watch Eraserhead, Blue Velvet and Mulholland Drive in one setting because at least these movies had some sort of sense. Oh, and you want a detailed and more-funnier review… you might already know a site called Agony Booth so uh, I will give the link to the first-timers just in case: http://www.agonybooth.com/recaps/Southland_Tales_2006.aspx